Can't Cut It? Thinking of Cutting It?

Looking for a cure?:

How To Survive Creative Burnout
The Captive Muse
Creative Walls
Creative Depression and Suicide
Tips
Blockbusters

Nothing, Nada... Zip.

Do you want to know what I find interesting today? It'll not take me long to tell you, just give me a second...

:nothing. Yep, there's absolutely nothing going on at all. I mean you can go look for yourself. Check BoingBoing, check AckAckAck, even go and check Stereogum or Fluxblog. It's all as boring as hell. I usually have an interesting tune or I am impatiently waiting to go see a film, but after checking the cinema of what's out and what's coming out there is nothing worth my time. Sure I have a cinema card that I pay for monthly, it wouldn't cost me any extra to go see something, but what's the point? Am I going to be rewarded in any way from this forced experience? No...

I have around 8,000 tunes on my iPod and there isn't one that I want to listen too. I also have another 2,000 held on my external hard-drive but I wouldn't have taken them off my iPod and put them on there if they hadn't have been shit. Sure I could listen to The Ricky Gervais Show podcast over again, but I've played it out, worn it thin. I've also worn Jeff Wayne's 'War Of The Worlds' out, I'm sick to death of Sufjan Stevens, Junip and I didn't even bother with that Radiohead covers album.

I'm surrounded by rubbish. If you've got anything interesting let me know, though I doubt it. I think that 2006 will be a very bad year for creation and creative people. Wake me up in 2007.

No links... No point.

Isolatr - How did I manage without it?

Quickly racing past the likes of Friendster (Remember Friendster? ...no?... neither do I...), Classmates, Friends Re-united, Deviantart, Flickr, You Tube and now in complete competition with the big boy, Isolatr is a necessity. One on one, Isolatr is the yang to Myspace's ying. Everyone seems to be favouring the 'No-one's space' of our time. I know, that ever since finding Isolatr, my life has completely changed around. Instead of having to deal with friends, interesting people or people interested in me, I have time to reflect. I can be completely alone without a care in the world. Why... I could die on Isolatr and my own family would never know. It's as close to oblivion as any living self-aware being can be.

If you're interested in seeing my profile or adding me to your community group, use the link below:

[link]

Gervais & Pilkington Video Podcast

This blog is turning into Pilkington News... (sigh). Anyway, if you're still with me, struggling to stay on top of the Gervais & Pilkington wave, get your ass into iTunes and search in the Pocast Directory for the new Gervais Show Video Podcast. It's a few minutes long and is remarked on as being 'irregular' so don't expect too much. Ricky asks a question very much like the Weird & Freaky Question from Cue & Ehh?, maybe it's catching on? (Update: Available to watch on You Tube below.)



After experiencing the demise of Ricky on The Simpsons it's nice to see him still having a laugh. For me, I think it's time they put an end to The Simpsons. The show hasn't been very good for around 8-10 seasons now. Just because it's the longest running doesn't mean it's the best anymore, infact I think the longer they run it the more depressing the whole affair has become, and with a film in the works it's only going to get worse. There has been mention of Gervais writing for Groening again and even becoming a member of the team... Two ships with one iceberg comes to mind.

For Ricky, the problem is that most Americans want to see him as David Brent. Giving a typical Brent performance with stupid songs and room clearing jokes, Gervais aims to please. Sadly he should have learnt his lesson from his Live 8 Performance. Giving people what they want isn't always the best move. People fear change, they don't know what they want, it's not for them to choose. It isn't all Ricky's fault, sure the script is mediocre and pulls no surprises, but it's also down to the animators who have obviously just sourced their material from The Office. The little goatee beard, the talking to camera and fiddling with the tie. There simply was no need.

If you want to see clever and original animation of Gervais, check out the Bears3 on Gervais' website.

Or these great little animations posted onto iFilm by Dyljons:





Further Dialogue:
Guardian Blog Speaks Out
...again.
What the Pilky Forum Thinks
Gervais On Valiant - Another bad idea

Other:
Windows Media File of Gervais at the Oxanian
Pilkington Forums - The best kept secret
Pilkington Book - Keep it hush

Necrophiliacs Rejoice! 'Porn Of The Dead'

I'm not one to say that I would want to feature much sex or pornography on this blog. Though having come across, ah... maybe I should rephrase that, having found 'Porn of the Dead' by complete accident in my search for free zombie films online (I swear!), I have to say I'm actually a little shocked. Shocked that anyone could actually get off on this. I mean porn is porn, but when you have a zombie guy who's looking like something from Steptoe and Son with a severed penis getting blown by a zombie girl who's obviously just arrived from her gig with Gwar... I don't know. I think director Rob Rotten maybe misheard 'shoot a zombie in the head' as 'shoot a zombie giving head'. Let's just say I can't imagine it being anyone's aphrodisiac.

Sure, it's probably funny, terrible script, acted out using waif life heroin craving prostitutes, but I have to say that some of the effects are actually pretty good. Maybe too good. Here is the link straight to Page 3, though don't expect Sam Fox. Instead you'll find graphic depictions of zombie loving. There's also some glamour shots of what looks like a zombie nurse. Not so much 'Oh, Matron!' as 'Aaaarrrggghhh!!!, Matron!'.

Dial Up 'M' For Murder

Those of you not familiar with the substantial collection of copyright free films available from The Internet Archive should hunt them out right now. Being a fan of MST3K, I found a mass of films that they have used to riff over. There are also a few classics such as The Last Man On Earth, Carnival Of Souls, Night Of The Living Dead and The Phantom Of The Opera.

One of my greatest finds is Fritz Lang's 'M', a beautifully disturbing film. Way before Chris Morris (1931 infact!), Lang was using the fear of pedophilia to strike a reaction from the viewer. Known for his stunning sets and clever long drawn out shots, Lang was a master of suspense and horror for his time. Those who have not witnessed 'Metropolis', Lang's Frankenstein's bride of the future film, need to see it to believe it. It was probably one of the most jaw dropping sights I had ever laid my virgin retinas on as a teenager. A far cry from bad CGI and poor dialogue, 'Metropolis' is all about imagery and atmosphere, which it has in abundance. Although 'Metropolis' sits as Lang's finest work 'M' has been unapologetically overlooked. It remains deeply under marketed and mostly unseen. 'M', like Metropolis, relies on a heavy atmospheric tension and the breakdown of the human community. Like all great horror, it uses the mystery that surrounds ourselves to show a true horror caused by the unknowing, mistrust and suspicion. If I had a daughter, I'd lock her up.

It was adapted to graphic novel my Jon J. Muth in fine photo-realistic charcoal images and came with a flexidisc soundtrack to listen to while reading the book. The smell of a new book, the feel of crisp printed pages. It really was an all senses encompassing experience. I recommend it.(Buy It Cheap From Amazon)

Deeprest - 'The Love That Kept The Art Alive' Video

I'm always featuring other people's work. I figured that I'd do a little self promotion and air the sixth music video I've ever made. It's for my 'Deeprest' pseudonym. This is not for children... Mainly because they'd be bored, but also because it contains a graphic suicide with a water pistol. I don't want susceptible kids out there drowning themselves. The video, not a finished piece, concentrates on the final chapter of films. It begins at the end and although it is mainly centred around credits, still has less credits than most feature films... (sigh)...

Spore -The Game Of Life: Bigger Than Jesus.

After viewing this 35 minute preview of 'Spore' I have realised that I'm way out of touch with the gaming world. I mean, I struggle to get to grips with Tetris but this is just insane. Starting as a microscopic organism you grow and evolve your species into an interstellar exploring race. 'Spore' combines the playlike format from games such as Pacman and Asteriods that evolves into a three dimensional exploration/world creation simulator with similarties to games such as Sims, Civilisation, and Black & White.

The scope is totally amazing. With tens of thousands of worlds to inhabit and interact with, as well as ten times that in species and forms. I can only describe this as a game of life for life. It seems that once involved, it would become an obssession to develop your creation to it's maximum potential. This game doesn't just allow you to play God, it lets you play better than God. Though jaw droppping, I know that it would be lost on me. I wouldn't get past the amoeba stage, for unlike God, I do not have the patience of angels.

If you're not already busy making real life babies of your own, or flushing them down the toilet, hold your breath and wait on the game of all games.

Interested?:

Spore Wiki
Official Site
Wired Interview with Will Wright (Creator)

Cue & Ehh? With Roysta

Laura Aura & The Shoy Shoy Boy - I Write No Wrongs with Roysta [Didon't Mix]

Roysta, like some Filthy Santa Impersonator, has a sack to empty. Full of sexual puns, local violence and Certificate 18 observations, the self proclaimed 'Rod Hull of Hip Hop's lyrics are a natural outburst from Belfast, Northern Ireland, a city that the scariest of New Yorkers wouldn't even holiday visit. Dirty Roy gives Joe Foreigner the local insight into the life of an average horny Irish bastard, while providing an amazing mirror reflection of the natives, to the natives. I got the chance to question him, have him 'Dirty Up' one of my tracks and hopefully in the recent future, collaborate on an original track. May god have mercy on my soul...

Recently The Ricky Gervais Show (the number one downloaded Podcast) was moved from a free subscription to a pay scheme. Many will probably pay as they feel the quality of the show will be worth it. You’ve always given out your music for free and in fact, it would usually cost money from your own pocket to post the CDs. How do you fund your music and production? Do you ever feel that you are entertaining all these people for free and not receiving a benefit? And have you any thoughts on the Ricky Gervais show?

Well, I record all my stuff pure D.I.Y. on a computer older than my Da with whatever cracked software I can get my hands on. In a place called 'The Crackwhore Studio' which me and a few mates built in my Ma's Garage when we were all wee Punks and Metallers. We still are. Only with bigger guts and less hair, so that part of it costs fuck all. The only cash I spend is on blank CDs, paper, ink and CD wallets. I give them out free ‘cuz once I play a gig after releasing a CD I make all the cash back right there and then some. I just buy a shit load of stamps and envelopes with whatever’s left over so I can send more CDs out to whoever wants them. If i wanted to make money from making music I’d go fuckin’ busking. I'd be happy to entertain everyone for free, for ever and never receive a benefit.

The best thing that has ever happened to me from sending out so many free CDs are all the e-mails I get from kid's Mas asking how their 13 year old son/daughter got hold of my CD ‘cuz it's the filthiest thing they've ever heard and is now residing in a wheelie bin out the back. This makes me very happy. I've found a way to corrupt the youth thru music. Tipper Gore and yer parental advisory stickers can't fuckin’ stop me!!! Gettin' a bit heated now, I think I'll do the rest of this interview barefoot.

Anyway, I've never heard the Ricky Gervais show, of course I've seen The Office which is fuckin’ genius, but I really loved the stuff he use to do on ‘The 11 O'Clock Show’, that was pure laughing yer kidneys up shit. On the topic of comedy, my fave shit is ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’, Holy Christmas, I wanna make love to Larry David's brain. I once nearly ruptured my spleen laughing at that show.


You have described in the past influential rappers such as Thirstin’ Howl, J-Zone, Ill Bill and Ghostface in previous interviews. What other influences outside of rap have affected you?

For some strange reason I only listen to rap in the winter, from about October to February. The reason behind this is a total obscurity even to my own mangled mind. Most of the time I listen to punk and all it's sub-genres: crust, grind, hardcore, oi, d-beat, 77-82 and it's million other pigeon holes, as long as it's fast, distorted and underground I'm there. Besides that I love traditional Irish shit, Shane MacGowan is one of the best lyricists ever. Drum n Bass, which I used to DJ when I left school many, many, many years ago. Reggae, Dancehall, Electro, Breakcore, Metal, Ska; all get played daily on my shite mp3 player thats held together with Sellotape.

I'm very influenced by Bukowski, words cant describe how I feel about this scumbag’s books, if I started talking about him I'd be here all night. Columbo is another one, I watch one episode and it inspires me to write a fuckin’ double concept album. A Columbo tattoo is actually in the works right now to adorn my left thigh. Also, lots of anarchist writing, Chomsky, loads of Bill Hicks and anyone who finger-fucks the norm. Last but not least, my main influence is that drink sent from Satan’s piss-hole, the drink of the gods, the reason I ended up getting a metal pin in my leg, BUCKFAST TONIC WINE!!!!!! Though my doctor told me to calm down on it ‘cuz the caffeine in it is turning my insides into that of a coffee addict who drinks 28 cups an hour, but what does he know?


Outkast’s film ‘Idlewild’ is soon to be released. There are a lot of ‘Rapters’ (Acting Rappers) popping up. I saw ‘Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ about a month ago and was slightly shocked to find myself enjoying it, especially as I despise 50 cent and the whole ‘look where I was but look what I’ve got now’ attitude of American Gangsta rap. Do you have any thoughts on the film yourself? Did you see it? Do you think rappers should act? Would you be interested in your own film vaguely based on your life? What would it be called, what would it be about and who would you have act the starring role?

I haven't seen that flick and probably never will seeing as my niece used my Xtravision card and didn't return the DVD for about a fuckin’ year, I’m goin’ nowhere near that place again ‘cuz the Roysta funds don’t cover no £100 late return shit. I really couldn’t care about rappers acting, it's probably as good as their rhyming anyway, pure gutter bin shit for the humanoids that think that possessions make yer life better. Fuck that, I rock my shit right outta Primark, circling yer block on a wheelchair with trolley wheels. Back to the question though, I think any rappers thinking about getting into acting should start with the Mexican Snuff Industry, I hear they got great storyboards where you get beheaded with a Swiss army knife and jeggie nettles stuffed into yer lower colon while yer rapping about the diameter of wheels.

A film vaguely based on my life would consist of the shit eating scene in Salo repeated over and over with subliminal splices of the white girl who lives in the radiator in Eraserhead masturbating with a print out of Travis Bickel. It would have an intermission with the rape scene in Irreversible only with the woman raping the man in the ass with a oak branch as a metaphor for mankind wrecking mother nature. Under the end credits I'd re-make the boke scene in August Underground’s Mordom with Beverly D'Angelo throwin’ up over a manikin dressed as Jesus while flicking her clit with a homemade crucifix.

Funny thing is, last year I had a porn flick in production. It was gonna be zombie porn with two female friends of mine who would be painted up like decaying corpses and the male actor would be eating them out, guts would come flying outta their pussies. I had the cash, the cameras, the two girls but no fella. I knew was up for the humiliation of getting fucked in the ass with a strap-on, never mind a strap-on styled to look like a rotten asparagus that would shoot pea soup out of with the aid of the biggest syringe I could lay my hands on. I would’ve had no problems steppin’ up to the task, but the girls were good friends of mine and it woulda been like being ass-raped by one of my sisters.


Trying to source questions that you’ve been asked before I came across this page for ‘Roysta Collies’?!
Is there something you’re not telling us? Are you breeding these beautiful fluffy specimens in secret shame?

Ha ha… I love that site. Whenever my ego is feelin’ a bit low I search for my own name in Google and this site always comes up, if I had a dog fetish I'd love it even more but unfortunately my own fetishes extend to hands, boots and gapped tooth ladies. The funny thing is I actually like dogs, all animals in fact, far more than I like humans. So to share my namesake with this site is all good by me.


A lot of acts similar to you have been surfing the wave of success and reaping the rewards, Acts such as Goldie Lookin’ Chain, Peaches, Avenue D and Zeigenbock Kopf. Do you feel you have missed out by taking the moral stance of not playing by the industry’s rules? Are their any acts at the minute that have caught your ear? I loved acts such as MC Lars, Cex and Gonzales, what are your thoughts on this style of Eminem parody humour rap?

Well when I started rappin’ it was always gonna be a piss-take. What else could it be when you hear a Belfast accent fuckin’ rappin’. With the first 4 demos I done and two CDs, 'There’s a party in yer mouth and I'm cummin.' and 'Straight outta the Psychiatric Ward', I was doing a more sicko/porno style, which was only really to entertain my mates and me. I didn’t really care if anyone outside of my circle of mates heard them.

Then I took a break for about a year, round the time hip hop was turning into commerical bollox, it was all over the charts with the bling shite, which it still is, ‘cuz I was sick to death of it and I think I'd wrote every different way to rhyme about fuckin’ yer ma I could. Then around June of 2003 I decided I'd do one more Roysta CD and end it there, that CD was ‘Dirtcore Deluxxe’. I wanted to do it ‘cuz I'd always loved all the Belfast punk bands like Runnin Riot and Mr Nipples who sang about Belfast. You could relate to it so I wanted to put that into a hip hop CD, only with a sick sense of humour runnin’ thru it. I'd absolutely no aspirations about gettin’ signed, makin’ money, tourin’ or any of that shite, I just wanted to do something for Belfast that was new and that no one had heard before. So I got off my arse and fuckin’ done it.

Some people fuckin’ hated it and couldn’t tell the difference between Lee and the Roysta character, which lead to a falling out with most to the Belfast hip-hop scene. It was a good thing in hindsight ‘cuz I'd rather not be associated with chin stroking pretentious backpackers. I do have a lot of friends within that scene who reap the dirt proper, they know who they are, but the majority of them can choke on my rancid cock. Gettin’ back to the question... I don’t think I missed out on gettin’ successful from doing this ‘cuz it was never the objective. Every record label sucks dick, right!!!

I'm always a bit late gettin’ to hear new hip hop ‘cuz as I said earlier, I only really listen to hip hop in the winter and punk thru-out the summer, so each winter I catch up on anything new that was happening that summer. Holy shit that’s confusing. Anyway, the hip-hop I've been listenin’ to recently hasn't really been new. Shit like Buck 65, MF Doom, Sage Francis, Cage, Ghostface, Immortal Tech, RA The Rugged Man.

I proper love parody style rap ‘cuz it pisses off so many rap purists which is always a good thing with me, if it makes me laugh, I love it even more. Avenue D were always a favourite of mine and it was a pleasure to play with them last year, and an even bigger pleasure to introduce them to the drink of the gods, Buckfast. I should say a massive cheers to Gregz for bookin’ me for that gig, supporting Roysta from the start and gettin’ me all my personal favourite gigs I’ve played, this man is the real Dirtcore Daddy!!


Me and my mate Johnny devised a clever Masturbating technique of Sellotaping two fairly large slugs together by the head and tail and using them as a home-made vagina. Johnny said that you could knock them up a knotch by pouring salt on them during... Ha ha... Your tracks feature a lot of self-gratification themes, have you any tips for would-be masturbators out there?

Ha ha… That’s some back to nature shit right there!!! I've always only used my hand though. As a kid I use to fuck the pillow, like all per-pubescent fellas do up until spunk starts comin’ out of yer dick and you think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be sleeping face down on regular cum crusted fuck toy.

About a year ago I did have a go at fucking the pillow just to see if it was like I remembered, alas, it was shite and I had to return to the trusty hand. A mate once told me of a technique were you fill two rubber gloves with warm water and tie them together then lube them up with K.Y. or something and stick yer dick in between them. This I had to try!! It was all going well until one of the rubber gloves snagged on my ring and the hot water poured out giving my cock and balls 2nd degree burns. The worse thing was that the water had spilled over a new Columbo DVD I had just bought and made the cover all wrinkly which in turn distorted Peter Falk’s face on the front. This made me very sad, as that was my wanking material.


Are you one of the many love children of Old Dirty Bastard (Dirt McGirt)? Did his death have any impact on you?

I could be, that fucker had kids everywhere from what I've heard. His death didn't really have an impact on me ‘cuz I always find it hard to be affected by people I don’t personally know when they pop their clogs. Saying that, when I found out he died from a bag of cocaine bursting in his stomach I came up with one of my favorite punch lines, it goes like this: 'I take my vodka neat, no soft drink mixer for me, ‘cuz I can’t stomach coke, like fuckin’ O.D.B.'. Proper though, he was always my favorite MC from the Wu along with Ghostface and I take it now that he's dead we'll have to endure a lifetime for shite collabs of him that some producer has made with one of his old verses over a shite R’N’B beat.


I would say Kool Keith would be a good Godfather for you, who would be your choice be, and why?

Kool Keith would be a good one, he could rap to me at bedtime and I’d have the most disturbing dreams a human could hope for. My choice would be Bukowski ‘cuz there would always be an endless supply of hard booze to steal and an endless queue of loose women to take my pick from.


Could you say you have an ultimate number one favourite song? What is it? What would you say your favourite track/album has been recently?

My all time favorite song changes daily, from Spazz – ‘Lets fuckin’ Go’ to Rugged Man – ‘Stanley Kubrick’ to The Slits – ‘Heard It Thru The Grape Vine’ to Crass – ‘Do They Owe Us A Living’ to Thristin’ Howl – ‘I Still Live With My Moms’. All them are in my top ten anyway. My favourite recent album would be Kegcharge – ‘Sadistic War Glory’. Pure fuckin’ D-Beat, or the Nuclear Death Terror one. I think that’s a demo but it's fuckin’ class, leek!!


Weird and Freaky Question:

O.K. First Part: Who’s your favourite star/actor/performer that you really like/fancy/love?

Performer Belladonna. I've got something for gapped teeth girls. Holy shit. Or train track braces are the fuckin’ jizzness as well. I am always attracted to girls who don’t look normal, fucked up faces, broken noses, squints, shit like that. I don’t know why? I think I'm just a pure weirdo.

Second Part: Imagine a Frankenstein experiment. Belladonna and your mother are strapped into restraints on two tables and their minges are removed. They are swapped over and stitched back on the other’s body. Which one would you go down on? Your mother with Belladonna’s muff or Belladonna with your mother’s muff?

I take on both of them fucks at the same time and swap from eating one out and fuckin’ the other and vice versa. I mean come on, when you gonna get an opportunity like that again in yer life? Plus I'd do it while wearing a coat made from the skins of 1000 MC's and a Burger King happy meal hat, just to insult my own principles. I'm always up for a bit of self-dignity-abuse.

Belladonna and your mother can each feel their own private parts. So if you go down on the star your mother would feel it and be moaning. Would this change your mind?

Ha ha… Nice twist, but it wouldn’t matter to me. I'd just pretend in my mind it was all a metaphor for mankind’s incestuous love of cosmetic perfection and the morbid self pleasure of fuckin’ Mother Nature of all she's worth…


Further Grooming:
Roysta's Site
Roysta's Myspace
Rap News Interview

Karl Pilkington's Fridge

Those of you, like me, who are growing weary of the Ricky Gervais Show have felt a little disillusioned and lost. Well, cry no more for some clever soul has found a hidden easter egg off Ricky Gervais' website. This little gem is a short film about Karl's problems with Tradesmen. I'll not say too much more, but it's nice to see a bit of classic moaning.



If Karl at home is not your cup of tea, try him at work...



To finish you off, a behind the scenes look at the creation of the show taken from the Richard & Judy Show.

Please No Moore!

It always pains me to see a creator's work dragged away from them for the sake of blatant greed. When will publishing companies learn that if you alienate the creative people behind your success you will no longer become successful? What shocks me the most about the recent installment of the Alan Moore vs. DC war (Believe me... It is a war), is that it's not only got to the point were Moore has requested his name to be removed from the films his stories inspire. He's also requesting his name from the very product he created in the first place?!

Rather than quote details of The Beat's interview with Moore I suggest you read it yourself. Read.

Further Viewing:

BBC's Culture Show (Thanks to John)
Moore's Vendetta
Moore vs. Constantine
Wiki-Moore
Lying in the Gutter
Official Movie Site
Ain't it Cool's Script Review
Rotten Tomatoes' Reviews

Mars Rocks, Earth Sucks

Bored of spying on your neighbours with Google Maps? Why don't you spy on your astronomical neighbours with Google Mars?
"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one" he said, but that doesn't stop you sourcing the lander sites, infrared and elevation views and looking for Marvin the Martian's penthouse suite.

Cue & Ehh? With Camel

Camel - Pink Snails

I stumbled across Camel and was instantly attracted to her sound. Like the second cousin of Feist, the sister of Gravenhurst, or the quiet friend of The Moldy Peaches, Camel's creations are a close, revealing whisper of something unexplainable. Not one to say too much, I managed to squeeze some meaningful lowercase words from her. Cherish each and every syllable...


Hi Camel, you seem to have a curtain of mystery around you, can you tell me a little about yourself?

ummmmmm, well i am camel. hello. i am 21 and I have lived in Belfast since September... ummm ok, things about me... i study philosophy, i wish i could live in the sea, but i'd drown... i'm not scared of anything except prescription drugs... i dream of travelling to south america one day, maybe in an ice cream van.


You portray a person illuminated in a poetic aura. Does poetry play a lot in your life? If so do you have any favourites?

that's quite a lovely thing to say... this is madness. yes i like words, i've read some of my stuff, sometimes in Belfast.. but i don't have any favourites... well I do love Sappho.


Leading on from the poetry I had noticed that you have quoted a few strange books in your blog. Do you spend a lot of time reading and is there any one publication that you'd say has affected you or influenced you?

wow... there's lots and lots and lots.. i love stories. i collect fairy tales and i spend a lot of time reading those, old folk tales or myths from different parts of the world. i think it's interesting... but there isn't one in particular... Andrew Lang's coloured fairy books are wonderful, he's collected so many stories.


Right, on to the music; Listening to some of your songs I'm reminded of the likes of Cat Power, Joni Mitchell and Cocorosie. What artists have played a major part in the development of your own music?

what music?! this is such madness! i'm sorry but i am not a musician and i can't think how to answer that.. because, there isn't any development to speak of... i've only recorded a few 'songs' and i just did them very quickly and it was just about fun for me... i mean, it was never about the end result. I just wanted to see if i could make some songs...
um... I've not heard Cat Power, but yes, i like the other two.. i like so much i don't know where to start. i don't know if my song things are even influenced by anyone except me and my thought trails...


I'm currently enjoying the ad for Ask.com (If you don't ask you don'’t get); it gives me a fuzzy feeling inside. What makes you smile?

this is an insane question. loads of things make me smile. o dear, o dear, sorry... i'm not very good at this am i..?
ok, people make me smile, and insects, and dancing... making friends and hearing their stories, being with my brother and sister, oh... i love watching horny pigeons. i can watch and smile for hours.


Are there any other tracks available apart from those featured on your myspace site? Can other material be purchased from you?

no that's it. i mean i have lots of barely audible ideas and stuff that i recorded in my room. like little fuzzy pieces of songs, but no complete ones. it really is just fun, i do not have any plans for a musical career!


How do feel the Internet plays as a promoter of music? Do you feel you have benefited from it or been hindered by it?

i buy music from internet. it's quite a wonderful thing.


Your recordings are very raw which leads to a more emotional mental picture of you as an artist. How do you record and what'’s your usual method of writing a song?

words + sounds.


I've found myself really enjoying '‘Deal or No Deal'’, a pick a box game show hosted by Noel Edmonds. Are you willing to share a secret shame?

no


Weird and Freaky Question:

If you had to choose, which would you sit through watching; a dog eating the eye from a cat's corpse or a cat chewing the jaw from a dead dog?


the jaw of a dead dog chewing the eye from a cat's corpse.

oo, that could be a song...

x x x



Further Viewing:
Camel's Myspace - Discover 3 more tracks.

Have A Nosey At Nosferatu

One of my best tricks at Halloween is to put some silent films on the television, turn the sound down and cover the whole creepy production in a mess of fake cobwebs. This allows you to play your best Halloween Mix Playlist with a great visual accessory. It works a trick or treat. One of the best films to do it with is Nosferatu, which is now available through Google Video to watch in it's entirety... Lucky you.

(Thee best film is 'Hasan')

Cue & Ehh?

'Cue & Ehh?' will be a permanent part of the furniture within Shuffle. Containing questions and answers (funnily enough) it will feature up and coming and established artists, performers and genuinely interesting people. Having already been a local hit within printed media due to it's 'Weird & Freaky Question', 'Cue & Ehh?' will ask the questions that you would love to hear answered and one that you'd rather not be asked.

The Simpsons

Probably one of the finest television series, and the longest running American Sit-com, 'The Simpsons' is getting a facelift. Apparently the 'real life' Simpsons intro that is spreading throughout the web is to feature as either the new beginning of the show in future episodes or as one of the intros. It's not exactly clear the reason to making it other than promotion of the show's 17th series. It was cleared by Matt Groening, the show's creator, filmed in Britain, (Which is why Maggie and Marge are the other way round you sad sad people) and is expected to air sometime this month.



Related:
Simpsons Unplugged
The Real Simpsons House
Simpsons Maker
Lego Homer
Lego Bart & Milhouse
Simpsons Archive
The Official Site

Crazy Bitch, Crazy Dog & Crazy Cat Man

You have had to be living in a matt black painted bubble to not have seen the Natalie Portman Rap from Saturday Night Live. I mean, as slightly entertaining as it is it's not exactly the greatest piece of comedy ever produced. That title goes to Crazy Dog.



The disturbing thing about this footage is that it's been rumoured that string was tied around the dog's foot and it is in fact, being taunted by it's owner. This may be the case, it's not improbable. It looks fairly plausible, and if you view it with this in mind it somehow reduces the comedy value. So what are we left with? Either a clip of a body dysmorphic dog attacking it's untrustworthy left leg or someone who's trying to make us think that this is the case. Maybe the dog is not the only one having it's leg pulled?
If dogs aren't your thing you could have a look at 'Tourettes Cat'. Footage of an expressive guy trying to communicate with his cats. I don't know if the cat's are picking up on the subtleties of his remarks. He's not exactly Doctor Doolittle but he is many times funnier than Doctor Doolittle starring Eddie Murphy.



One last thing on 'You Tube'. I am always amused by how angry some of the comments are that are left from unamused viewers. What do these people want for nothing? One comment regarding two teenage girls miming to the Pixies 'Hey' stated "I hope you both get breast Cancer"?! Or two kids faking a ghost haunting in an attic receiving, "Morons... Why don't you and your specky girlfriend fuck off". One of my favourites though is a non abusive comment to a young guy skillfully playing the Simpsons theme on an acoustic guitar to an almost classically trained standard. It reads; "Wow. Give me the Guitar Tabs for that. I command you..." ha ha....

A Gold Man For Silverman

There is very little that can be said when it comes to Sarah Silverman. Mainly because she's great, and that doesn't fill up a lot of time. I posted earlier about her but felt that it simply wasn't enough to put her in with a bunch of funny stuff that I think everyone should check out.

Silverman, who is 35, holds the perfect hand in a game of comedy poker. She's experienced but looks youthful, she's sexy but always 'dirtying' herself, and she draws no lines when it comes to something being funny. Her off tangent mind finds fun in race issues, the holocaust, aids and the mandatory toilet talk.

Her film, 'Jesus Is Magic', is still to be released with no sign of a date or even a season. Recently completing a Comedy Central Pilot she's still on the up and up.

One thing always startles me with American Comics though. They always work the same material for years on different shows and appearances. Finding Silverman material has churned up a lot of reworking of the same joke. Comedians attend Letterman or O'Brien and instead of having a conversation where they may say impromptu funny things, they don't really participate and simply work in jokes from their act. Much different than British comics who would work impromptu and would be known for their quick wit rather than particular jokes.

That's not downsizing the vast genius that is Sarah Silverman, it's merely criticizing the way promotion of comedy material is handled in the States. There is a handful of other Silverman clippits on You Tube, including the controversial Aristocrats appearance.

Update: Silverman is to feature in Observer Woman Magazine in the 12th March edition. Looks like the UK media is finally catching on to her talents.