Shuffle

A Halloween Party

2008-10-10T16:54:00.007+01:00

Shuffle will be holding 'A Halloween Party' in Mono on Halloween Night. Below you will see the tracks that have already been added to the Shuffle Halloween Playlist.

You can suggest your own tracks by commenting or through:

Facebook Event Page
or
Myspace Profile

Shuffle 'A Halloween Party' Playlist:

Sufjan Stevens - 'They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead! ! Ahhhhh!'
Architecture in Helsinki - 'Cemetery'
Ben Folds Five - '200 Solemn Faces'
Bjork - 'Earth Intruders'
Deerhoof - 'Milk Man'
Do Me Bad Things - 'What's Hideous'
Spearhead - 'Stay Human (all the Freaky People)'
PWEI - 'Get the Girl! Kill the Baddies!'
Radiohead - 'Bodysnatchers'
Suede - 'The Drowners'
The Shins - 'Phantom Limb'
Birthday Party - 'The Hair Shirt'
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - 'Stagger Lee'
Warren Zevon - 'Werewolf In London'
JSBE - 'She Said'
Specials - 'Ghost Town'
Ray Parker Jnr - 'Ghostbusters'
Girls Aloud - 'Something Kinda Ooh!'

Holy Photoshop!

2007-08-29T22:04:00.000+01:00

Retargeting to be introduced into new Photoshop... well Adobe has hired the Co-Inventor, and let's face it... it's not 'cause he makes a great cup of tea.

The only thing you need to know...

2007-08-17T13:48:00.000+01:00

O.K. So this blog is dying a slow and painful death. With Cue & Ehh?s falling through such as MC Router and Tay Zonday... With me being lazy and not showing my findings such as Amy MacDonald, the rise of Robyn, the grimaces of Bill Callahan, Grizzly Bear, Bat For Lashes, Mirah and Spectratone... I am lethargic... It's a big internet out there. You'll find something that grabs you. I have tried people, I have tried... If I can say anything about this summer it's one thing:

"Persepolis"

Cloverfield, 1-18-08, Monstrous (Do you care anymore?)

2007-07-31T00:14:00.000+01:00

The rumours and the marketing continue with no resolve in sight. The campaign has kicked off a range of bogus sites trying to get some hits off the mania. New rumours include the idea of a Power Rangers film as well as an HP Lovecraft adaptation. Freaks and Nerds study the footage endlessly, working on numerology and cryptology to try and gain clues.

Old rumours are forgotten... it's not a Godzilla film, the rights are on hold until 2013. Ethan Haas was right is not a related website. New rumours are stirred... Is it a Lost spinoff? Is the monster the black smoke?

There appears to also be a leak of the film's possible title: 'Monstrous'. Apparently Paramount have bought the domain too.

I have 2 ideas on the matter, with the working title being 'Cloverfield' think four leaf clover, think lucky, think Irish... think Leprechaun 8. No? Doesn't sound good enough? My other idea is the scariest as it's probably the most obvious:

Americans can't stand reading subtitles. Every great Asian film has had to have been remade as a low grade american flick. They've remade the Ring, Dark Water, the Grudge etc. The monster in 'Cloverfield' has been rumoured to be 'a parasite' and with that and the poster in mind (it appears to be a water friendly creature) it's likely that this film is an American adaption of the great South Korean film 'The Host". I really hope I'm wrong, but with films being as shit as they are recently, why would I be?

Further reading:

Wikifield
Slusho

Further viewing:

Cloverfield

2007-07-08T16:46:00.000+01:00

Update: 2 days faster than Screenhead and Stereogum

So what's new? Currently being hyped on every bloody blog in the world is the trailer for 'Cloverfield' (working title) J.J. Abrams' (Lost) new film being released on the 18th January 2008. It's entirely shot on Camcorders apparently and has been rumoured to be everything from Godzilla to Jurassic Park 4?!

What?

huh?

What we do know is that it's gotta live up to this hype... here's hoping.

Below is the only working video that hasn't been stamped out by Paramount. Be fast, it won't last.

Edit: It's gone... I told you... But go here to see it (kindly offered by Co-Ed).

Update to Edit: You've missed the bus, it's already on apple trailers. Forget about it, it's old news.

Flopp

2007-07-05T20:02:00.000+01:00

"All the time, it was...we finally really did it!! You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God...damn you all to hell!"

I haven't really been writing too much in my posts of late, and for that I apologise. I thought it was only right to have a laugh at Fopp though. I had been a loyal customer for around 7 years and have learnt that they pissed away mine and many others profits on trying to take over Music Zone (A chain of shit basement and 2nd floor shops that sold a range more dire than Morrisons). This has forced them into administration and all shops have been shut and staff laid off. So I wave goodbye to the mighty Fopp, wave goodbye with my middle finger.

Virgin and HMV next...

sI'Mpson

2007-07-05T17:18:00.000+01:00

You've made a Southpark version of yourself. You've made a mosaic... now it's time to make yourself an extra in the new Simpsons' film.

Perry Bible Fellowship Book Finally Due For Release

2007-06-29T01:32:00.001+01:00

Yes... hold your breath no longer. The greatest release since... well, since the Bible will be available from Dark Horse through Amazon from Oct 25th. Go and pre-order it, you'll not be disappointed.

Read Gurewitch's Cue & Ehh?

MEsaic

2007-06-12T00:21:00.000+01:00

YOUsaic

The Return Of Tank Girl

2007-05-25T11:07:00.000+01:00

Hewlett out, Ashley Wood in... looks great.

23 is the magic number...

A Very 'Strage Creature'

2007-05-07T02:33:00.001+01:00

Camille Rose Garcia's 'Tragic Kingdom' Preview

2007-05-06T00:16:00.000+01:00

I only wish I could be there...

Jay J Armes

2007-05-05T21:13:00.000+01:00

You must remember... If you don't remember, you should research.

Never Aired Calvin & Hobbes Animation Show

2007-05-05T19:44:00.000+01:00

Karl Pilkington - Satisfied Fool

2007-04-23T19:44:00.000+01:00

Your wait is over my friends:

Link:
http://www.KarlPilkington.com

Free NIN - 'Year Zero' Cover

2007-04-16T21:46:00.000+01:00

To commiserate the release of ‘Year Zero’ by NIN I have decided to give away this appropriate album cover. Although it will not function within the iTunes pane it will still be a kind reminder of what’s in store.

This image has been over-hyped and over-produced; it uses every single consecutive filter contained on a standard edition of Adobe Photoshop CS (97 Filters). Starting from the original type cover it is noticeable how quickly the original image is lost and distorted beyond all comprehensibility… an ode to Trent.

The Rubber Cat

2007-01-24T17:15:00.000+01:00

A long time ago I caught the last 2 mins of the video below on MTV or something. I did not know what it was and was never sure if I would ever find out or ever see it again. Infact no-one believed me when I told them about it.

Fortunately for me, my luck and my acquired hunting instinct, I was able to track down the song, track down the band and track down the album.

What struck me was not only the great folk rock sense and the total anarchy of the video, it had something to do with a little rubber cat puppet. That very puppet dwells in my mind from when I was very young. I don't know why and I don't know from where he came, but after glimpsing his little face again, I knew I was in love with the Geraldine Fibbers.

Years later I spotted a similar cat. Harry Hill's Stouffer. Hill uses him a lot in his act. Stand Up and TV. Although I'm not quite sure about Stouffer's voice, I do like his lovely dentures and blue tints.

I was able to get my hands on a puppet, which I now known as 'Snaps'. I hope that by keeping up the tradition, others may become mentally scarred and hunt this puppet out like I have.

Son Of A Bitch

2007-01-10T12:38:00.000+01:00

I knew I shoulda held out in buying that W950i Sony Walkman piece of shit. Dammit. I would kill someone to get my hands on this baby.

The Day The Earth Stood Still

2007-01-05T02:49:00.000+01:00

I can't believe this is available to you good people for free. I had to spend much earned cash to see this again, whereas your good selves can sit back and enjoy this little gem posted on google video. Make your day stand still, grab a few xmas given sweets, dig out your old Klaatu, Barada and Nikto Star Wars figures and sit back and enjoy.

You Tube: Not Just For Idiots?!

2007-01-03T23:43:00.000+01:00

I know it sounds crazy but below you will find proof that You Tube is not just about babies farting and pulling funny faces.

New Year's Resolution:

2007-01-01T02:58:00.000+01:00

360 dpi

Top Ten Tips For 2007 - Random Countup

2006-12-27T17:20:00.000+01:00

1. Nerdcore Hip Hop (Specifically MC Router)

2. Al Columbia

3. The Blow

4. Cue & Ehh? (It's not big headed... It's just a fact...)

5. Dick In A Box

Ikea Instructions

6. Golliwoggs

7. Matt Coyle's 'Worry Doll' (Click Image for PDF Preview)

8. Cranium

9. DANANANANAYKROYD

style="position:absolute; left:0;top:0;"
CLASSID="CLSID:6BF52A52-394A-11d3-B153-00C04F79FAA6"
type="application/x-oleobject">

10. Adem

Noteable Extras:

Bill Callahan
Bogdan Raczynski
Belladonna's Music Career
Karl Pilkington for BBC Commissioner

Scrubs - Charlie Brown Xmas

2006-12-25T08:48:00.000+01:00

Merry Xmas Everyone... Any Scrubs fans out there will love this... Any Peanuts fans will be outraged... ha ha... Have a Good'n'...

Bonus:

The best Xmas video and song ever...

The 'Sky's' the Limit (20GB)

2006-11-02T18:50:00.000+01:00

It's been a long time people. I haven't forgotten about you though. I've been getting my life together and putting myself to good use. I have been without internet access since July, and apart from scraping out my eyes with withdrawal symptoms, I have been too busy to be floating around looking for interesting crap.

I will however be getting Sky Broadband in a few weeks and will get this little Gem up and running again.

You have been hitting me regularly and apart from that sounding abusive... I am grateful and thank you for your attention. A lot of the sites that I once loved have fallen from grace and the internet now seems to be a shell of itself.

See you all soon...

dvt.

Cue & Ehh? With Kevin Blechdom

2006-07-19T23:59:00.000+01:00

When I first heard Kevy B, I realized that I had discovered my generation’s Shirley Temple. Though this Shirley Temple was a Tom Boy or more suitably, a Tom-Tom Boy. She climbs trees, farts with pride in public and enjoys chasing boys with shit on the end of a stick. With not as much dimple factor but twice the freckles Kevin Blechdom makes IDM look DIM.

Kevy bears all for our enjoyment. She’s a tolerable Tracy Emin with a great backing soundtrack. She’s Laurie Anderson on a Kazoo. She’s Barbara Kruger made with Play Doh. She’s hard to explain, but there’s no hiding the messages, but with a little glitter glue and sprinkle stars Kevin has proven you can certainly jazz them up.

George Formby’s dead. Thank God. There’s a new reason to steal your Uncle’s old Banjo… look (and listen) no further…

My mate Johnny just went to Berlin there a few weeks back and said it was rubbish. There was a shop that had a butchers counter with an old PC lying in it and some knickers nailed to the wall. He had also said that the nightlife was rubbish because clubs didn’t open until around 4-6 in the morning. What drew you to it?

MONEY and HONEY... Its stays in my pocket when I'm there... And the sweet people that like music and are really focused on what they're doing there and at first it was the partying... but I've slowed down a bit on that lately... I'm all partied out... but it took like two years to get that way...

He had also mentioned some kind of naked club, were you leave your clothes at the door in a black bag. It has a pissing room? Are you aware of it? Have you ever been? What club would you rather visit?

I have never been, but I've heard a lot about it... the few times I wanted to go... the guys were kind of giving me the "guys only" vibe... so whatever... maybe someday... I've heard they hose the whole room down in the morning when they clean up ‘cuz its covered with so much cum.

How much does the holocaust?

Good question... I think it costs INFINITE...

If you had a fire in your home what would you grab, your laptop or your banjo?

Since I have my laptop backed up in more that one location... Redundancy is a beautiful thing... I would grab my new banjo... ‘cuz I’m in love with it at the moment, I haven’t assaulted it like my old ones... but I can't do Myspace interviews on my banjo... so maybe my computer but on a purely financial level computers cost more money... so then I would take my computer... If I were stranded on an island I would rather have my banjo FOR SURE.

If you were able to put that fire out with any band T-shirt, what would you choose?

Oh there's so many bands' t-shirts to choose from... I'd probably choose a Feist T-shirt... or what's that band uhm... Radiohead... or I dunno... but I wouldn’t have any of these t-shirts... Maybe my own, ‘cuz I have so many unsold sitting around...

You have been prone to mentioning a fetish toward a spot of bestiality. What animal’s penis would you love to get your lips around? For me, it’d be a toss up (snigger) between a pigs twister, a dog’s lipstick and a horse’s vacuum pipe. What would you favour?

Dog seems to be the most plausible... but I guess a Bonobo chimp or an orangutan, definitely some type of primate would be fun...

There has been a lot of controversy about you showing your boobs on the cover of ‘Eat My Heart Out’. Is there any chance of getting some minge on the new album?

Definitely, I'm trying to work full frontal into my new live show... I'm more into live exhibitionism at the moment...

IDM is dead. It’s got real old, real fast. Tigerbeat6 is a dirty word. Warp’s moved on to Folk and Indie pop. Aphex has become some awful parody of himself. What’s the best thing you’ve taken out of that scene/time?

Dat Politics... nothing ever goes away, it just depends how you focus on it... and it all comes back around, renew, refreshed, reinvented, re-twisted... nothing goes away... the going away part is all in your own head... and labels just want money... Commerce SHOULDN'T determine musical value - - - - I like Southern Gospel at the moment a LOT, too much... actually I heard this conservative Christian stand-up comedian last night making jokes about different versus in the bible, and it WAS the funniest thing I'd heard in years, and that doesn’t seem to EVER go out of style...

I milked around 400 songs out of my break up with my previous girlfriend. Do you think you’ll ever forget about Miguel?

WHO? …No, he's a good friend, but I haven’t written love songs for him in at least four years... there's many different situations and people to write about, to write for... I just don't use first names anymore...

What track would be playing at your funeral? Mine would probably be ‘If you don’t know me by now’ - Marvin Gaye, for the humorousness of it.

Maybe the Max Tundra version of that song from the Sound of Music... about saying good bye and going to bed "the sun has gone to bed and so must I... dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun..."

I absolutely loved Countdown To Nothing, your short musical film. My favourite musical is probably Bjork’s Dancer In The Dark. What’s yours?

Annie, oh yeah I loved the first half of the Jerry Springer opera... Nunsense is funny, I also like Tommy a bit, and Cannibal the Musical, Southpark, the Simpsons... theyre are so many... but I DON'T LIKE CATS, except for Memories and Mr. Mistofeles... and I HATE THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA movie that just came out, it is a TOTAL piece of shit... its a complete HORRIFIC SHITHOLE, I want to kill everyone involved in making that movie... I like some Jacques Demy stuff but he doesn’t deal with women’s roles very well at all... I don't think having sex with your father is something that should be in a children's fairytale... but I'm not one to encourage censorship either... There's a Steve Martin one that seemed pretty good, but I didn’t see the whole thing... oh yeah, Little Shop of Horrors is AWESOME and the Jesus Christ Superstar movie is coool... there's some more Surreal ones I've loved but I can't think of the names at the moment.... My brother has made some funny musicals too; WATER NO WATER is DOPE!

You’ve adapted a boys name as a pseudonym, if you were to advise a boy who was adapting a girl's name what would you suggest?

Banjo or Bucket... excellent girls' names

Weird & Freaky Question:

What would you rather drown in, a vat of semen and blood or bloody semen?

SEMEN and BLOOD, but I would like it to be VERY FRESH...

Delve In Rectum:

Kevin's Site
Chicks On Speed Info
Amp Interview
Kev's Myspace

Cue & Ehh? With Mecca Normal

2006-07-03T23:30:00.000+01:00

10 GO TO MECCA NORMAL
20 LOAD JEAN SMITH TO VOCALIST
30 RUN GREAT TRACKS WITH NON-PROGRAMMABLE EMOTION
40 IF 10 = MECCA NORMAL GOT TO 30
50 list busy
60 :;//(4=%2) *Slide 10, 20, 30, 40
70 END RUN

>SYNTAX ERROR

>ERROR IN 40 TO ID NODE 1P_45
>_

When I first listened to ‘Attraction Is Ephemeral’ it reminded me of the first time I had ever heard Smog. It holds that clever juxtaposition of being beautifully simple as well as narratively complex. What would you say was the first ‘narrative’ track to move you?

Leonard Cohen -- Suzanne "And she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from China" and Bread "I found your diary underneath a tree and started reading about me."

Jean, you seem to bear all when it comes to lyrical content. Where would you draw the line in sharing? (i.e. Would you write about a thrush infection or your toilet usage?)

I make music and I write and create art with very basic implements as original entry points. 1.) Voice and my thoughts. 2.) Words on a page and my emotions. 3.) Paint on paper and my imagination. The limitations of production I impose on myself in creative terms place more emphasis on content and quality than on form and function. Additionally, I have an internal undocumented private obligation that says I am creative all the time.

If you had to choice to remove one element of craftsmanship/skill from the planet, what medium/craft would it be and why?

I would remove the craft of drilling into the to extract what is below the surface and I may remove the craft of lumberjacking.

Jean, you not only write captivating lyrics, but you’re also an established novelist. If you had to give credit to one book for sparking your interest, what book would you award the title to?

Jayne Anne Phillips "Black Tickets" short stories, 1975

I am getting annoyed with language, the English language in particular. There’s simply too many useless letters in the alphabet. I was thinking of removing the useless letters such as X and C and also all the vowels. In fact I think we could make do with a ‘Decabet’: D Y THNK THS WLD WRK?

If you were to argue your case to keep a letter in the ‘Decabet’, which letter would it be and why?

It would be between 'f' and 'l' because these sound least like the sound they make.

Your new album is titled ‘The Observer’. In Britain, ‘The Observer’ is a Sunday newspaper released by the Guardian. Is this a cheap ploy to make money from subtle advertising/product placement? If not, where did the inspiration come for the album title and the similarly titled final track?

I am reclusive and I write about things I see. To some extent, in the online dating thing, I feel like I'm interacting with people who appear to be convinced that there is a structure at hand that everyone agrees on. That feels sort of limited and alienating to me. I feel like an outsider... I could have called the CD The Outsider, but I tend to take my position as perpetual interloper and write about what I see. When some other people here and there, beyond the physical scope of my neighbourhood, hear or read some of my observations they might feel more connected; less alienated.

Jean, if you happen to accidentally receive a blow to the head that impaired your sight to that of a single colour. Which colour would you hope that would be and why?

Green -- because either there are more greens than there are an other colour, or humans can see more greens. So at least with green there is more variety. I read that we are more sensitive to greens because we, at one time, had to select plants based on colour and other qualities; so humans developed a heightened sense of detecting subtleties in green. I don't know if that's true, but it makes me feel more human.

The next time anyone sees you at a gig or in the pub which drink would you like them to buy you?

As a non-drinker of almost seven years and somehow a consistent non-recipient of drinks purchased... let's see; ideally I would like to have something that reflected the person's knowledge or awareness of me. Somewhere once, I said my drink of choice was sparkly water with a slice of lime... and someone some place once delivered one of these to me... and I was... well... I liked that.

Having attended art school, I have witnessed many annoying works, works without skill or merit, without any other aim than to gain undeserved attention or to shock. I remember a guy running around wiping himself wearing nothing more than a black leather thong... I’ve recently heard that the Tate (London Modern Art Gallery) has a resident Raspberry Blower at the minute. He just stands around blowing raspberries all day. Have you ever been annoyed to the point of despair by any artworks?

Not that I can think of, but I grew up in the sixties and my parents were both abstract painters. I recall that Picasso sorta bugged me... in a general way. Actually, his work still sorta bugs me.

If you had your chest X-rayed, were shown the plate and you had noticed that your heart was the silhouette of a famous person. Who would it be and why?

If my heart, in silhouette, looked like…?

If you actually discovered that the silhouette was that of Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones from ‘Two & A Half Men’ would you still frame the picture within a back lit light box or burn the evidence and have a pace maker fitted to destroy their combined profiles?

Relegated to the bottom of the sock drawer, I'm afraid.

Rain is God’s Tears, Snow is his dandruff, and the waning moon is God’s Fingernail… What’s Moss?

Moss is flora produced in elimination of negative thought, fueled by God's tears, it lays low on its shallow root system, dries out while dormant, ready to respond to God's new sobbings -- moss requires little attention other than disallowing it from taking over what are thought of as more desirable plant-forms -- greener grasses on other sides of fences etc -- some effort is required to keep it under control. It can be comfortable place to wander barefoot over but nowhere that you need to stay for long.

What would rather have; a life of torment and dull pain with an amazing, uplifting and exhilarating death or a life of numb happiness with the most god awful, painful death you could ever imagine?

Sorry, neither is a possibility.

Weird and Freaky Question:

Referring back to toilet usage (my favourite subject), when you visit a stranger’s house what method do you use to cover up your toilet undertakings? Do you put lots of toilet roll down the bowl first to dampen the noise, or do you turn on the sink tap to drown out the noises?

---

Silverman's Sidekick

2006-06-28T02:48:00.000+01:00

If there's one thing that would make me buy anything it would be Sarah Silverman. She could sell bags of Dog Doo for £15 a pop and I'd still think those babies are a bargain and buy three. One for me, one to keep in a mylar bag for investment's sake and one to rub in the face of every other person that didn't have one.

I have no idea what the SideKick3 is, but I know that I need one and want one...

Cue & Ehh? With Charlie Brooker

2006-06-19T16:08:00.000+01:00

If you don’t know Charlie Brooker, you don’t know T.V. and lets face it… who doesn’t know T.V.? Brooker, presenter of ‘Screen Wipe’, creator of ‘Nathan Barley’, writer of the Guardian featured ‘Screen Burn’, infamous Grouch Potato, and the latest victim to suffer Cue & Ehh? harassment. Annoyed to the extent were he’d rather view a constant stream of ringtone ads than receive another correspondence from my good self. He finally couldn’t take it anymore and squeezed a few ‘me’ minutes in his already hectic schedule.

Am I proud? ‘Course I am, I got to swap words with one of the funniest and most observant media critics this shitty little land has to offer. Have I any regrets? Only one… playing with my Star Wars figures in the bath.

I've been a huge fan of your stuff since the Tvgohome website & book, I have dribbled urine on around twelve pairs of jeans at the hilarity of some of the entries. On Amazon the book's selling for 40-150 quid?! Any thoughts? Is there any plans to reprint it?

Dunno about plans to reprint it, but someone contacted me a short while ago to ask if I minded if they scanned their copy in and put it online. I don’t have any objection to that, and if it’s possible (legally) I’ll host it on the tvgohome site. So it may soon be available for nuffink…

The only other books that have made me laugh out loud uncontrollably are Mike Leigh's 'How to be a Superhero' and 'Calvin & Hobbes'. Have you any recommends?

‘The Meaning of Liff’ by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd is extremely funny, as is 'The Dirt’ – Neil Strauss’s Motley Crue biography. Those books are totally unrelated, but they just popped into my head at once so there they are. Also anything by George Saunders – he writes short stories that read a bit like Grandaddy songs, but with jokes in them. The Complete Peanuts (which is being lovingly reprinted by Fantagraphics) is worth getting as well – I think a lot of people think of Peanuts as being this really twee, saccharine little strip, but it’s often almost unbearably bleak (and funny with it).

For Screen Wipe/Screen Burn you have to watch an awful lot of TV, has there ever been a stage were you have thought, 'Fuck this, I'm away out to fly a kite, or build a go-cart'?

God yes. But then again, there’s always something delightfully revolting round the corner.

I was talking to a mate about the worst series on TV. We decided that it had to be 'MY Hero' (Father Dougal with a cape). Though saying that, the 'Murder She Wrote' without the 'she' or the writing is coming in close second. (It's got, what looks like, the camp mustached guy from Bargain Hunt as the sleuth). What's your choice?

There’s so many. Right now it has to be ‘Coach Trip’, the oppressive daytime reality show on C4 where ghastly couples go on a tacky jaunt round Europe and moan and whinge and learn to truly hate one another. It’s like someone breathing scotch-egg-scented breath down your throat for an hour. Utterly horrible.

I have to say that I believe that 'South Park' is maybe the best thing on TV right now. It's scientology and Chef's death episodes are genius. (Though if I was asked in secrecy I'd actually say either 'Myth Busters' or 'How it's made'). What show makes you smile?

I really like Penn & Teller’s Bullshit! which I think airs on FX over here. It’s a sort unhinged skeptic’s rant at the world and it’s always good fun.

My friend and I had a bet where we had to masturbate and climax to the most challenging thing on TV. His choice was the news, mine was 'Sponge Bob Square Pants', what would yours be?

See above. Got to be Coach Trip. Especially the bit at the end where they have to vote each other off. Jizz over that and you’ll need years of therapy to unravel the damage.

Your name implies that you are a cocaine dealer (Charlie Broker - sorry... (sigh)), did you have evil parents or or you actually in the manufacturer to user liaison trade?

My first name is actually Charlton, which is pretty stupid. I think a lot of people assume my first name is Charles, and that I’m therefore posh, but I’m not. I’m a disgusting comprehensive school commoner.

Having appeared on 'Screen Wipe' my girlfriend thought you were a twat and although loving the show, I did have the urge to strangle you, but it would've been with silk rope or a length of Andrex Toilet Tissue. Something soft, strong and very very long. Do you get that a lot?

Not that often. I’m sorry you wanted to strangle me. We’re doing some more Screen Wipes at the moment, so I’ll try to look less killable – if I possibly can.

You wrote a column claiming the demise of George W. Bush via a team of super assassins. The Secret Service got wind of it, didn't see the funny side. The Guardian retracted it and you apologised. You were probably feeling the same confusion that the Muhammad cartoonists had been feeling. Did it shock you how serious it had all become?

In a word, yes. I can understand the confusion, mind: it was a TV review column that appeared on the Guardian website devoid of context (i.e. the A5 surrounds of The Guide), and a lot of overseas readers mistook it for a serious op-ed piece. I got plenty of abusive mails and death threats, which was initially amusing, then frightening, and ultimately depressing. For a while it feels like having a heavy iron cloud hanging over you, but hey, water under the bridge.

It shows how powerful mark making can still be. If you had to make a one-word statement before your execution, what word would it be?

“Disarm!”

Nathan Barley 2. Is it bullshit rumour or in the works?

Possibly both or neither.

What are you doing with yourself now?

I’m doing some more Screen Wipe shows, then when I’ve finished those, there’s this secret thing I’m writing that I really must finish off. It’s very, very secret and will probably never make it on-screen, but oooh it’s daft. There’s also a radio thing I want to do. We’ll see.

The Weird & Freaky Question :

Sam Beckett from Quantum leap jumped into many different people but which of these would you like to see aired?

A) Sam Beckett leaps into a woman who happens to be right in the middle of sex. When he phases in and realizes where he is and what he's doing, he is shocked. Looking down he notices his legs are apart and the man atop of him is thrusting away. Scrolling up he views the man's face and realises that it is himself. He has leaped into his wife's body. He is being screwed by himself. 'Oh Boy...'

B) Upon re-phasing Sam notices that he is wearing a tight collar around his neck. Looking himself up and down he realizes that he's totally naked apart from the collar. He looks around and sees that he's attached to a leash being held by a slim wealthy lady. He believes he has leapt into a fetishist. 'Oh Boy...' he sighs, but on surveying the room surrounding him further he spies himself in a mirror and sees a dog looking back at him, he discovers that he is that dog. 'OH BOY...' The rest of the episode features actor Scott Bakula (Sam) naked, on all fours, weeing against walls, sniffing other dogs bums and trying to keep his owner from getting mugged and killed in central park.

That’s a tough call. A) has immediate gross-out value, but I think B) would be funnier in the long run, especially if he bites the face off a nine-year-old girl at one point.

Brookermark:

TvGoHome
Wikiker
Worker
Archived Burns
The Offending Article
The Church Of...

More Cat Puppetry

2006-06-14T00:00:00.000+01:00

Deeprest - '27' Video

2006-05-31T09:08:00.000+01:00

Cue & Ehh? With Acts Magdalena

2006-05-24T23:00:00.000+01:00

Acts Magdalena - Download (Tracks From Soundlift)

When I first discovered Acts Magdalena on the Artists IUMA website I was absolutely taken back at the standard of music that I may have been missing out on. If I hadn't have stumbled across them through sheer aimless browsing, my ears would have been the lesser for it. Acts Magdalena, for me, stood as an example of the treasures available through good, old fashioned searching. Gone are the days for impulse buying an album due to it's cover. Gone are the days of scrolling through this month's/fortnight's magazines for inspiration and direction. Music listeners expect everything to be handed to them on a plate, whether that be a Blogger's plate, the newest 'trendy' shop's plate or the biggest temptation of all... the P2P's plate.

Acts Magdalena are my proof of continuing the search. There exists a huge range of amazing musicians just waiting to be discovered. 'Acts' are at the peak of that talent, it's only downhill from here on in...

The band itself, an etherkore duo featuring the unbelievable vocal talents of Christian (Xn), backed by the fretless and peerless musical tamperings of Rick, are worth watching, listening, bookmarking... Whatever it takes to push them forward, to push them up and to push them out. Spread the word.

My introduction to Acts Magdalena was totally accidental. I was making a personal compilation that featured each band that had a book of the Bible in it’s title, (i.e. GENESIS, EXODUS, NUMBERS and elton JOHN), for every book (Old & New Testament). It was an extremely weird collection, but your track stood out (Low). While all the other tracks are now long deleted yours is still getting played, but enough of my brown nosing. Have you ever had a weird music find, who was it and how did you find it?

Rick found this song and I loved it. It’s a song Chuck Berry sings about a man and his Donkey, its pretty cute the way he sings it too. “Him and the donkey take a sip o' da drink,” I think its about a Man and his Donkey getting drunk and dancing, water certainly wouldn’t have the described effect. Should a guy get his Donkey drunk, no, it’s just a cute song and you imagine them dancing down the road…. Whatever was in that jug it let them forget their troubles for a moment. It’s a cute quirky song. I go around sometimes singing “take a sip o’ da drink!”.

Surprisingly I have a Cue & Ehh?’ with the creator of ‘Magdalena’, Image Comics’ character, soon to be feature film (2007). She is the descendant of Mary Magdalene and offspring of a lineage of female warriors. Where did your name come from?

The Acts was inspired by the title of the book of the Bible, I thought a lot of cool art could come from the words “The Acts of…” love hate war kittens etc too. Magdalena was a boat; a boat that the past guitarist, an ex-boyfriend of mine says members of his family came to America on in the past. A boat that brought Jews out of WW2 Germany, the captain did not leave them broke when they arrived, unlike other captains and he would not ship them back to Germany. I also like that it tied in with Mary so I combined the two. Rick didn’t like the “The” in The Acts Magdalena so I removed it. So the lack of a “The” is Rick’s contribution. I think it was a wise choice. Dumping the other guy for Rick was also a wise choice...

Rick, I’m dying to say it myself and I read it a lot. People are obsessed with Christian’s vocals. Does it ever irritate you that people pick out that aspect of the band overall? When you are arranging the tracks do you focus on exploiting Christian’s voice. I often hear that the music becomes quite stark and minimal; as to not drown out the vocal or muddy it. Is there intent there or is Christian just a big channel hogger?

Really, I thought they were all grooving on the bass lines? The arrangements came about they way they did because there’s always been an idea in the band that what’s in the recording is playable live. As a studio guy I found this difficult at first, but Christian was adamant. The upside I found is that if you’re hearing two or three parts in your head, you have to figure out how to make it playable as one, which can lead to interesting things. In the mixes, I always wanted Christian’s vocal to be very clear, because there’s so much subtle detail in her performance. And, she despises reverb. Loathes it.

Christian, I’ve been so discouraged with the lack of strong female vocalists, I remember the Riot Grrl movement, people like L7, Babes in Toyland, Hole. Then the first ever-female metal growl vocals I heard were Kittie with ‘Charlotte’. With ‘New Metal’ there’s been a rise in bands like Evanescence and Within Temptation, basically bad metal with the Corrs singing over the top. What are your thoughts?

I think some women/girls don’t like to be “ugly”, don’t like to sound ugly (and lots of men want their girls - girly sounding), don’t like what some of these women look like and act like. Sadly some of the ones that do have power in their voices seem to think they have to look like and act like the worst macho stereotypes. I suppose to prove they aren’t girly and say, ‘Hey look at me I am tough’. Men who act like that macho type seem silly. Why do some women think they’d look any better? What does being a rude slob have to do with having a strong voice? Just be yourself and roar, don’t try to out-macho the males and don’t let being female keep you from out-roaring other people. You can be pretty and wear a gown and then out growl any man, beast, or force of nature- and still be cute, if that’s who you are *cue girly giggle*. Don’t change yourself, just change what people think is ugly, make that roar a thing of beauty. Maybe shred the lace on your gown and look like an ethereal ghost instead of Miss America, but that’s all I’d advise, otherwise just rock what you are.

Being a musician myself I became aware of the immaturity of the alternative metal scene, this caused me to give up the genre and find the music that old beardy men love, such as electronica and folk. Do you ever look at the fans in the genre and think ‘Let’s dig out the banjo and do some Patsy Cline covers?’

We are spoiled. I like who likes us because we don’t have some major label to instruct people that we are good. You have to figure out if you like us or not on your own. We don’t appear on award shows and rub shoulders with celebs, so there is no reason to suck up to us because we can’t get anyone into any star studded parties, or get you roles in movies or rides on groupie filled buses… so what use are we? If they have found us and liked us it’s because they connect to our music. If they were all we have to ever meet that would be very nice.

I get tired of what’s “out there” and I love folk too, and I love quirky stuff… I don’t have any bands to point to but I like lots of bits and pieces here and there that are not anywhere in the realm of rock and it’s genre variants. I even like stuff I don’t like- Sarah Brightman is an example. I don’t like most of her song choices but I love her voice and can actually listen to show tunes as long as its her voice singing them. I seriously just hear the voice.

Christian has stated that she wishes she had been born in 1900. I often think that I wish I were born in a less luxurious time. I believe that it’s the suffering and hardships that make the person. What historical event would you liked to have suffered through?

So many it’s really freezing my brain up to try and choose. I wish I could be a time travel detective, go back to times in history that have become misty from legend making and see what really happened, what were certain people like in person to have remained in our minds through time, and return with the facts. I read that some folks like Arthur are a combination of several people. (In no meaningful order) Eve, Egeria, Job, Cleopatra, Boudica, Caligula, Arthur and Merlin, The Pied Piper, Anne Bonny, Sappho, and of course the big man himself JC and his babe Miss Maggy... problem is you would probably die finding out what was up with some of them. Some not so known it would be amazing to see like: The Trung Sisters or rulers like Hatshepsut... ladies from the past that weren’t just servants to some family life. I also think I could have had a great time in The Lost Generation era 1920’s Paris.

You have a large collection of dolls and toys. I have a fake Coke can that pops open and unleashes a randy, glowing eyes monkey who sings a bad euro-pop song begging the listener to ‘cum’. What weird toys do you have?

I’d like to see that... Rick brought a gorgeous oak artist doll home for me from Paris, it looks like the child that Jack Skellington and Sally would have had. She isn’t really a toy, but she is a doll, so I guess she is a kind of toy. I have a doll that Ugly Shyla made. Classic features, but with no eyes and skin color from the grave, she is gorgeous. I have a ton of Bratz dolls, they aren’t weird themselves but probably that I have so many... that might be thought of as weird by folks I wouldn’t like, so the opinion wouldn’t matter.

There’s nothing like a block of Dairy Milk Chocolate between two Salt & Vinegar Potato Crisps. There’s no better sandwich. What’s your food of choice?

Crackers and hummus, Envirokidz Crispy Rice Bars (they are all good), and Ravioli at Frank.

Who’s your least favourite President?

Just one? Okay besides the popular ones to hate I have one that bothers me. Thomas Jefferson, if he had been honest about his relationship it might have helped stop a lot of stuff that happened later in history. A man of his influence living and making babies with Sally Hemings (which has been substantiated via DNA enough for me to so far as agree it’s truth)- it might have helped a lot of hatred to dissipate. He may have found that a lot of other people may have come forward with similar families and it would have been nasty for awhile, but the stigma would have been forced to change, nothing ever changes easily, but it would have altered a lot of things, maybe stopped some later horrors in history in the US.

Rick, most famous artists/musicians are uneducated and usually an outsider. Do you think there is hope to learning art and music in college, or are we just selling false hopes to our youth?

I don’t know that I agree with that statement. When I was a kid, many of the artists I listened to had art school backgrounds: Talking Heads, Laurie Anderson, Brian Eno. There’s even a passage in Eno’s diary where he quotes Bono saying that while all U2’s peers had been to art school, they went to Brian for a similar experience. You also have to remember that many “pop” artists in every medium come from elite backgrounds and education, but of course that’s not “cool,” so by the time you hear of them an entire story’s been concocted to romanticize their “tragic” upbringing. I can’t speak to studying things like painting and sculpture in school, but if you’re studying music in college, you’re probably looking to enter either the jazz or classical world, both of which require very serious schooling.

It comes down to three things: the student, the school and the teacher. If the student is convinced that his future is set because he’s registered for classes, or that he’s oh-so-special and destined for stardom then yeah, he’s probably fucked. If he’s prepared to work extremely hard, is flexible in his thinking and expectations, and understands the value of the social experience at school as well as the educational one, then something worthwhile should come of it. The result may be exactly what the student hoped for, more likely it will be a variant of that that the student wouldn’t have anticipated. Maybe the student completes a semester and says, “Whoa, this isn’t for me after all” and moves on to something else. That’s still a valuable experience. As for schools, some are brilliant and some suck. Like anything else you might spend a lot of money on, do your research. It’s not hard to do these days. Teachers are another mixed lot. One of my instructors at IAR, Doug Rice, took me out on the first professional audio jobs I ever worked. To be an 18 year old kid tooling around the East Village, loading gear into clubs, setting up bands and assisting him as he mixed was an invaluable experience, but I got that gig because I repeatedly expressed an interest in working and proved in class that I’d be a help, not a hindrance. Years later, he provided an essential reference for an important job. I’ve seen other teachers who had no business being in the classroom, but again, students have to be active. Every one of my students at NYU fills out an evaluation form, and if they weren’t consistently positive, I wouldn’t still be there. On the first day of Pro Tools class, I stress the difference between the person who says, “I know Pro Tools” because he can record something, maybe do an edit; add a plug-in, and someone who’s deeply knowledgeable and professional. It’s my intention that they develop into the latter, and I kick their asses for 10 sessions. The ones that spend hours in the lab each week working with what I’ve taught them are headed in that direction, and if they stay with it, they’ll most likely get there.

My favourite TV show at the minute has to be South Park. The show is absolute genius, it can do no wrong. Series 9 has been staggering, it’s attacks on Chef, Scientology and Gingers. Series 10 looks like it’s going to top it, with it’s ‘Family Guy’ satire. What do you like to zombify to?

I love Project Runway, Top Chef, I like Kendra in that Girls Next Door show, she seems like a fun person, Blow Out, I like medical shows about life saving surgeries, hero pet shows, travel to wild places and crazy locations and the crazy people that live there, documentaries on historical events, documentaries about Lost Generation people, things many people would call depressing but I have a need to know stuff... I liked the Osbournes, still not sure why, but I did.

If you have to some up yourself as an internal body part, what would it be and why?

Well when you close your eyes its internal... that glass pane of the window to your soul, the Cornea. I will complain about my feet and other bits and pieces but I am 100% happy with my eyes. I love to collect visual images, literally going places just because I heard the ceiling tiles were funky and cool or the space was spooky and totally forget whatever the event was that was going on just to check out fun shaped doorways and creepy creaking stairs and pretty courtyards, nice art- then I have the best dreams too, all decorated with this stuff and enhanced into Alice In Wonderland level landscapery (yes I just made that word up). I can also see well in the dark and I can see tiny tiny details in things and over long distances and I have never worn glasses/contacts or had any improvement operations, my eyesight rocks. So when I die whoever gets my corneas will be very very happy. So in a sense I may live on a while longer one day in this body part even when all the rest is ash. So one day “I” may actually “be” this body part. Cornea Merry, nice to meet ya.

I saw a kid in town (Glasgow, United Kingdom) with a T-shirt on stating he hearted Bush. I can only presume that this is George Bush and not the bad 90’s Nirvana afterbirth. Kids will wear anything to get attention, usually in rebellious ignorance. What’s the most stupid T-shirt you’ve ever seen?

One truly stupid one with King Tut’s head printed on each boob that said, “Don’t touch my Tuts”. My father actually wanted me to get that one as a teen girl, and I have no real idea why - the point of a shirt like that is to draw attention to the “Tuts” and he was something akin to Carrie’s mom then, if you know what I mean.

I’m currently in agony with my teeth thinking they can all fit into my small mouth. I mean, I thought evolution was hooked up and in the know? Why can’t it elongate my arms to increase my reach so I don’t have to move from the sofa? What body morphication would you enjoy via evolution?

Tweak my lungs so they could process oxygen in the water too and be a mermaid (with legs though thank you). I want some of those Wolverine claws... People would be ever so much more peaceful if they thought sneaking up on someone might get their face slashed off. If we all had the claws we’d all behave... maybe. Oh and flying would be nice. We have big oceans and lots of sky, it would be nice to be able to have fun in them without planes and boats wrapped around us.

I’m so sick to death of reading boring Q&As that make the most interesting of people sound boring. Apart from this one, what is the worst question you’ve ever been asked?

Personally I have been lucky to be interviewed by cool people. Like I mentioned before the people who like us are great because we have nothing they could gain by being friendly other than music and email every now and then. If people contact us they are more than likely very cool people.

Christian, you are pretty open about suffering from Epidermolysis Bullosa (A blistering skin condition), I am aware what the condition is, and that it’s pretty rare. Has this condition ever brought on any weird imaginative ideas or nightmares? I know my friend who had a phobia of paper cuts had dreams of a paper thin man sliding under his locked door to get him. Have you had any anxieties of sandpaper men or pumice people?

Actually no, because sandpaper and pumice are “my friends”. One of the sick jokes of EB is the surface skin thickens on the feet very fast and then rubs the hard skin on the layers underneath to cause blisters and burns deep inside your foot because every layer of skin is affected where general people’s skin its only the top layer so its different. So people who mean well and don’t know better tell you to walk a lot and get callouses. They are the worst things you could have so I rub my feet with pumice stone and try to keep my feet callous free. I do have nightmares about walking and never getting to my destination which is what it feels like at a job or errands in the summer and you get blisters and can barely walk its like you will never get home since you can no longer walk and you can only sit there and feel like crying. Then you get up and limp slowly home and its really painful and yeah, lots of fun. Even more fun... telling a cab driver to drive you one block... Yeah, I’ve done that before.

Nothing imaginative has arisen related to EB and its condition except violent fantasies - I hate it and want it to die if it were something I could kill I would happily murder it.

If I was to be a monster I think I’d be a Werewolf. I could piss and poo all over the place without a care and lick my own crotch. Sniffing someone’s ass is also a hell of a lot easier than dating, dinners and trying to keep up an interesting conversation. What monster would you be and why?

I only read the book once, an Anne Rice book on a mummy (mummies are monsters right?) and he never had to sleep, he could wander around day and night and looked just fine thank you - now if that’s a monster, then that’s the monster life for me. I don’t like to sleep except for fun and to dream but I hate being and feeling tired. So being a mummy sounds like fun. I am not enough of a “people person” to be a Vampire. Maybe the Moth Man for a scarier, icky, more obvious; “don’t have to show ID at the Monster’s Club” type. Fly, scare and creep people out, eat a lot of wheat and corn I think, don’t have to mingle for your meals and touch people’s dirty necks and get a blood mustache. Just be scary when I want, that would be a nice arrangement.

What’s the band currently up to, any plugs?

We are not on any label so we have no deadlines to produce products to repay label advances we do what we want when we want and right now I am working on my art. Visual art is as important to me as music and it seems like each one wants its time to dominate my mind so now, for now, art has its hold on me. Drawing, dolls, multi-media performance - funny that I peek at your headlines below and see the one about Santa. I love looking for the grain of truth behind the legends and then making up my own histories for some of them. I created a handmade graphic novel of the history of Santa and other hardworking fairy tale folk and what happened to them. There seemed to be a time in history where the magic stopped being real and became a story - this book is about that turning point. I want to have a holiday performance of it and Rick will do the music. I am also doing a series of dolls and a series of drawings. AM is on hiatus for the moment.

Weird & Freaky Question:

What crazy newspaper headline would upset you more; ‘God Raped Me’, ‘Ten Days ‘Til Doomsday’, ‘One Day ‘Til Doomsday’, ‘Doomsday Cancelled’, ‘You Fucking Sicken Me’, ‘No News Today’, ‘Who Reads This Shit?’, ‘Roswell Aliens Demand Welfare’, ‘Nasdaq Plummets’, ‘Shit Won’t Flush’, ‘Hey Kids! Santa Is Fake’, ‘If You Notice This Notice You Will Notice That This Notice Was Not Worth Noticing’ or ‘Nurse Guilty Of Too Murders’ (Spot the typo)?

Strange how when I saw this I thought at first it said “Too Many Murders” and I thought… too many? What number would have been just enough? But then, oh, I see ‘too’, ‘two’... ooooh, where is my head huh?

‘God Raped Me’

I would say before looking at the article. If the plaintiff is a pre-historic monkey, the resulting child’s name was “Link”. Right? I would tell her to demand lots of child support and don’t let him deadbeat out by saying, “air and gravity are your child support honey”.

Ha hah hah ha…

Doomsday was yesterday and no one seemed to notice. Is it bad that none of them would be particularly upsetting and more likely to inspire comments like “well its about time” and “duh old news” and “what else is new…” ?

Encore Magdalena:

Acts Magdalena Portal
Christians Art

Christian would like you to visit:

Debra
NBC

Art & It's Process

2006-05-21T18:14:00.000+01:00

This is a rather nice little art site in which you can view the art and it's creation.

Queuebe

2006-05-21T17:11:00.000+01:00

Speaking of Tongue In Cheek...

2006-05-21T13:54:00.000+01:00

Yogi The Pug is a mutation. Ill bred and suffering. I blame Crufts.

Eurovision 2006

2006-05-21T13:36:00.000+01:00

Well, anyone who missed it last night will be surely kicking themselves... hopefully, in the face. It has been the best Eurovision in years. Although I love the fact that Lordi (A Finlandish Gwar) won the event, I can't help but feel sad for LT United (the Lithuanian entry). Not only did they get booed and hissed by a lot of the audience at the event, they also felt the blow through poor voting and rejection from neighbouring countries. 'We Are The Winners' was my personal favourite, with the Latvian accapella guys (Cosmos) with their D.I.Y. robot coming in second.

Unfortunately... without the robot.

I do understand the tongue in cheek voting that placed Lordi first, though I still feel that the tongue was not as firmly shoved in the cheek as it could have been. Lordi was an easy vote.

Lily Allen - LDN Video

2006-05-17T22:54:00.000+01:00

I always hate it when artists break. They are my little thing, and then all of a sudden everyone's an expert. You can usually tell it's going to blow when it hits Flux Blog and tell that it's happening when it's aired on Stereogum.

It's a nice thing for the artist to finally get worthwhile recognition. I'm really not one to jump on the band wagon though. I like to move away and look for something else.

Here's Lily Allen's Vid, I love it...

... I don't like it anymore. Next...

Here Comes The Smog

2006-05-14T21:01:00.000+01:00

Well, in Glasgow, I've been experiencing the unbearable heat. I am praying for rain and wind. What better way to bring on the rain than with 'Smog'. Bill has brought so much troubled happiness to my life I can't explain it... (Update - Looks like it may be working).

Smog - Mother Of The World

Smog - Rock Bottom Riser

Smog - Morality

Smog - Truth Serum

Smog - I Break Horses

Cue & Ehh? With Malachy Coney

2006-05-05T23:09:00.000+01:00

Mal Coney is the best thing that Northern Ireland has to offer in the way of something to be proud of. Sure, there have been other things: Ash (sigh), knee capping, some fraction of Snow Patrol (yawn), sponsored terrorism, the highest percentage of unemployed scroungers in Europe, Frank Carson and Marching over quick sand in the name of tradition. Though none of the aforementioned fills us with pride.

Mal is a very ‘behind the scenes’ entity. Hard working and brimming with ideas, he grafts away producing words and pictures that although are submersed and surrounded in obstructions and borders, hold no boundaries when it comes to reader empathy.

Creator of ‘Magdalena’ from ‘The Darkness’ who is getting her own film treatment, ‘Holy Cross’, ‘Dandy Lion’ and ‘Major Power & Spunky’ as well as contributing to Pat Mills’ ‘Third World War’ and Warren Publishing’s ‘Vampirella’, Coney is no amateur. His work has enabled him to conquer America and hand it back again. Currently working on ‘Ouija Board, Ouija Board’ for ‘Fortnight’ and expanding his self-publishing project ‘Good Craic Comics’, I pried him away from his work to shed some light on his writing…

My experience of you has shown that you have always been attached to comics in whatever form, (I’m not talking Super Glue… he he), why did the sequential art form draw you in?

Simply because when it works for me I think it is beautiful. Comics tap right into a very primal part of the human brain.
It does so in such an unpretentious fashion that it is often judged wrongly to be sub-literate, juvenile and artistically worthless. There may well be some merit to this line of thought but anyone who truly feels this way can kiss my perfectly formed Irish arse. Life is too damn short and too damn hard. Read or look at something else if yer soul is bursting with shallow critique.

My first ‘drawn in’ read was Sienkiewicz’s ‘New Mutants – Shadow Bear’ series from Marvel Comics, I was totally lost in that saga, I had felt that I was there, enrapt in the story, I was lost until I came out the other side. Brought back to reality by Marvel’s awful letters pages and full back page advertisements. Which was your first?

I think it might have been a British comic called Topper with a talking bear as the cover star. I remember being enthralled by a funny wee cave man called Little Ug or something like that. He carried a club and was best mates with a dinosaur that walked on its hind legs. It was probably the most accurate portrayal of prehistoric times attempted in any media form until the BBC used state of the art computer generated effects to create Walking With Dinosaurs.

I have recently experienced the same sense of envelopment with Burn’s ‘Black Hole’. Are there any recent publications that have impressed and entertained you?

Seven Soldiers Of Victory, the crossover where none of the main characters meet. It’s such a wide broad canvas Morrisson and the various artists he is working with are using. The whole thing is an embarrassment of riches. I was on a bus heading home after work reading an issue of Frankenstein when these spides at the back of the bus started calling me a fucking retard. They were spot on. I am a bit retarded, emotionally. Fallout of childhood trauma but wasn’t it cruel of these complete strangers to point this out on a bus load of other complete strangers. I never mocked their shit jewellery and sports casuals so why mock my reading habits. Morrisson is just about the best writer to come out of Scotland. I say this despite the fact he shat from a great height on the first story I ever had published in a British comic.

Comics have fallen from grace, destroyed by poor film adaptations, laziness and a lack of originality. I lost the love. Do you think there is any hope?

Course there is David. Calm down. A good comic cannot be ruined by a poor film adaptation. The comic exists whither a film version exists or not. They are completely different mediums. I mean the magnificent ‘How Soon Is Now’ by the Smiths is not suddenly a shit song because it is used as the theme to Charmed.

I recently saw McKean’s ‘Mirror Mask’. I found it beautiful but Channel 4 artsy and similar to a poor BBC Children’s Drama. Have you any thoughts on it? Have you any thoughts on the recent leeching from comics to film?

I think Dave McKean's artwork is much more interesting when he doesn’t try to make it move. You know, I do not really enjoy talking like this about art. It always sounds to me like Miss Jean Brodie at her hysterical prime. He’s an incredibly gifted artist whose work draws me in the same way I think you described in a very sweet fashion with your Bill Sienkiewicz shadow bear analogy. Actually you pretty much nailed it. I have a Mister Punch print by him in my living room which I swear even my dog Sasha stares at. She, like me, may not know a lot about art but she knows what she likes…
…bloody red meat hanging off the bone.

Working in and loving the comic field myself I have witnessed how hard it is to break into, especially growing up in Northern Ireland. How the hell did you manage to escape from the shackles and live the dream?

Oh, I live in a dream that has nothing to do with my love of comics. I am literally so emotionally retarded I doubt I would know if I ever hit the big time. Anyone who regulates their lives in this way is really only internally preparing themselves for a guest spot on the Oprah Winfrey show. One of the comics I was involved with sold over three hundred thousand copies and it was a shallow empty sterile mess that signified nothing. I recently wrote, drew and published an anthology comic book called Good Craic Comics that when it passed the five hundred sales mark, made me believe I had actually done something right…actually I am not comfortable where this is going. The past is dead. I want to live in the now.

I remember as a kid visiting Talisman (Belfast Comic Shop) seeing you with your big sticky up Martin Gore/Eraserhead Hair. You were always an interesting and nice guy, a far cry from the usual patronising ‘Simpsons’ model of a comic book seller. How did you keep sane? Have you any interesting Comic Shop anecdotes?

That’s a very kind thing to say. I was so happy in that old store. That was my golden age when everything was new to me. We opened that wee store at the height of the troubles. We were a splash of colour when people desperately needed it. We survived bombs, intimidation and murder. That shop floor was a stage for eccentricity, that up to that point, had remained firmly and safely behind closed doors and drawn curtains. There’s a couple of Tolkien sized volumes waiting to be written about that time. ‘The Fellowship of the Wrong’. Perhaps it would be better if someone other than me wrote it…

When I visit comic shops now I struggle to find the comics. It’s all Mcfarlane Toys, badly produced T-shirts and Goth influenced novelties. What is your most shameful purchase of merchandised crap?

If you are struggling to find good comics you are shopping in the wrong places. I have never made a shameful purchase in my life. From a certain point of view any purchase that is not needed simply to keep you alive and well could be construed as shameful. That’s a quote from the Jedi Book Of Commerce.

He he he... What’s been your own favourite work?

Whatever I’ve just finished normally. Yep, I am that easily pleased. I like to look forward. It’s painful to look back, although I do have a soft spot for Holy Cross #3. I wrote it. Paul Holden drew it. Fantagraphics published it. We were worlds apart but together I thought we made a good comic.

Your stories are usually full of kinky ‘sexcapades’, are you venting some sexual frustrations?

Hell no… Sex is class and its not celebrated enough in comics. In my life I have had financial frustrations, spiritual frustrations, political frustrations. But even the worst sex ever was not frustrating. And you have to understand that because I was brought up a strict catholic I will suffer for all eternity for having even thought that. My characters Major Power and Spunky made the homophobes angry. My character Catholic Lad made fellow Irish Catholics angry. A brother and sister comic collecting duo from Dublin hated me for separate reasons. He hated my gay superheroes and she hated my Vatican charged do-gooder, but they both loved Holy Cross.

What are you up to at the minute? Rumour has it that you’re working with Mills again, is there any truth in it?

Laying Good Craic Comics second issue to bed. Then I want to continue on with a story I have already started writing called ‘The Grave Digger's Son’. Don’t know where the Mills rumour came from, probably the Internet, so much for the information super-highway, it’s more like flies graveyard of Boobie Babble.

I read somewhere that the title ‘Ouija Board, Ouija Board’ is connected to you in some way? Considering my current obsession with the occult could you let us in on it?

‘Oujia Board, Oujia Board’ is a comic strip I do for the Northern Irish politics, culture and arts review magazine Fortnight. It’s a first to try something like that in that particular mag and I was grateful to the board of directors to give me the chance. Some of the people working on Fortnight were just so good and smart, I felt like a kid again sneaking a peek into the teacher’s tea room. Getting into a magazine with someone like the poet Benjamin Zephaniah, who I think is just a magic human being, gave me such a thrill. Imagine yourself in a pop magazine sandwiched between Morrissey and the Gorillaz. You would think you had arrived at the court of Kubla Khan...
...Please tell me you would.

Weird & Freaky Question:

The world has suffered a terrible blast of interstellar radiation and had morphed people’s body parts around. They are functioning in all kinds of different manners. If, given the choice, you had to pick an infliction, which would you prefer. A tight heart shaped rectum where your mouth once was, so farting and excreting can be viewed by others, or teeth, tongue and palate between your ass cheeks so as when you eat, you have to squat over a bowl. Ruling out the chance of ever visiting Paul Rankin’s Café ever again.

Catering is a difficult career choice. I don’t want to knock somebody else who works so hard and being a celebrity chef seems like such hard work despite the horrific events caused by interstellar radiation. I worked as a waiter for a few very different people and it was terrible. I had no choice though, after our house was burnt down and my family was scattered to the four winds. I worked in a hotel owned by some real heavies and ended up afraid to leave. One of them really liked me, (cause I didn’t swear?... go figure.) I remember he would insist that I acted as waiter to this very scary guy who had nicknamed me ‘lightning’ ‘cause I was so slow. Oh how everyone laughed…

And frankly this bizarre question reveals you have never been to the city of Los Angeles somewhere in America. Having a bum hole in yer face would probably be a mark of distinction there. Forget Bling, it’s shite. American for ”LOOK WHAT I’VE GOT AND YOU DON’T.”

The randomness of radiation mutation would lend the proper air of uniqueness that seems so essential to the modern world. Or the world we find ourselves sharing at the moment.

The Twist: Of course you can’t have one without the other, so by choosing one you automatically get the other. What would you despise more, wiping shit off your face with toilet roll or sticking a toothbrush up your ass to brush your teeth?

Things change. They always do. Interviews like this only serve to create the illusion of permanence and nailing things down. It’s all just a cultural placebo. I hope you are ready for yer medicine…

Fan Mal:

Wiki Coney
Interview for Creative NI
More Ouija Board, Ouija Board Artwork

Cue & Ehh? With Scar Stuff's Jason Willis

2006-05-02T21:16:00.000+01:00

It's a very rare thing to accidentally stumble across greatness. So when I tripped over Scar Stuff on Blogger you can imagine how amazingly lucky I felt. Scar Stuff is looked after by Jason Willis; Blogger, Musician, Designer, Art Director... phew.

There are already a few respectable album posting blogs, though none as close to my heart as this blog. Regularly updated with amazing finds from the Horror/ Halloween genre, you are sure to find many keepsakes. I was able to catch up with Jason and find out what makes him tick…

Download Various Spooks 'Ghoul-Arama', A Scar Stuff Compilation (192k Zip)

The first thing is the question that everyone wants to ask you: Where the hell do you find all your blogging material? Have you found a secret haunted house with an attic or basement fool of goodies?

Sadly what you're really getting here is a glimpse into the packrat brain I've formed after years of misfiring neurons & the ill-considered neural nets constructed as a result. I've just collected this crap for as long as I can remember (I have records dating back to when I was 4 years old that I'm still lugging around) and I guess my tastes just haven't evolved enough to where I've realized I could jettison them. Aiding all of this was a solid decade & a half of record store jobs and my general obsessive personality; If I have 1 of something it's a safe bet that I have at least 10 other variations on the theme lurking about somewhere.

This is a boring question, but I'm interested in the answer... Maybe I'll ask it muddled up to spice it up:

Waht si yuor Fvaourtie fnid?

I guess usually it involves re-connecting with some artefact I either had or coveted at a formative stage in life -- something I only saw in the pages of a magazine or had & lost over the years; these are the most satisfying. Along those lines getting that damn Johnson Smith Novelty Company "Horror Record" single again was pretty cool, and finally being able to hear the Harvey Records singles (thanks to a guy on a "Richie Rich" yahoo group) was a pretty swell recent score too. For Punk Rock/ New Wave stuff it's a similar story -- I searched for an album by a band from Texas called "The Nelsons" (they'd won an early 80's MTV contest called "Basement Tapes" with a novelty New Wave song called "I Don't Mind") for years before finding it, and once I finally got it probably wasn't going to matter how the rest of the thing sounded since the whole package so perfectly represented the moment in time that created it. There's probably a way for me to work in the D.P.'s "If You Know What I Mean" LP in here too (ex-Depressions, Barn Records, 1978) cause that was a fighter to find again, but I can't figure the segue out. Suffice to say that usually the more marginal the artist (& to a degree, the genre) the more I'm going to flip my lid to hear it, and obviously the "market value" is pretty meaningless to me; I'm not trying to score a copy of the Tapeworm 7" or anything.

'Scar Stuff' is quite a funny name, but perfect for your blog. What I hate about the actual latex though is that when you use it, it's impossible to get off your fingers. Then for two months after Halloween you are struggling with the simplest task with sticky fingertips. Why 'Scar Stuff' over 'Fake Blood', 'Foam Fangs' or 'Plastic Claws'?

It was actually completely spur of the moment, but right after I thought of it I knew it was perfect for me. Here in the states "Scar Stuf" was made by this cheapo company called "Imagineering", and you could find their stuff at dime stores around Halloween. It was basically a low-budget peripheral product with crummy (but almost unwittingly cool) packaging -- pretty much everything I look for in MOST art forms (not to mention that most of the records I'm posting HAVE left some kinda scars on me). And yeah, that
stuff was a fucking mess to use.

What's been the best Halloween costume you've ever been dressed in?

In 1976 (which was second grade for me) I dressed up in a homemade Creature From The Black Lagoon getup that my mom helped me make. The costume was composed of a thin ¾” rubber mask ordered from a comic book and my previous year's Sears-bought "Planet of the Apes" costume turned inside out, dyed green and accented by darker green cheesecloth that was supposed to resemble seaweed. All by itself the costume was pretty damn cool, but the *best* part was that it got me a role in an educational film called "Halloween Safety" (made by Coronet/ Centron films, for whom director Herk "Carnival of Souls" Harvey did most of his work). Some scout looking for kids to stick in this thing came to my grade school & picked me out as we paraded around in our outfits, and I've been trying to find a copy of the damn movie ever since (there's a revised version out there that came out in 1985 as well, but I'm pretty sure I'll have been excised from that one since my "part" was totally minimal.) Heh, and about 4 or 5 years later I dressed up as a "Punk Rocker" & on some level that's a costume I'm probably still wearing at least a little bit.

You must spend a lot of time ripping the tracks, researching them and then blogging them. Do you ever have moments where you feel like you can't be bothered anymore? What keeps you blogging?

Yeah, more based on dwindling time than lack of desire though. Like everyone I know, I've got a lot of junk going (I'm in a full time band, I've got a full time job, I do a ton of freelance design work for various record & video companies, etc), but I really do love sharing stuff with people, especially the type of Joe I'm largely catering to. I mean, this is at least *marginally* fringe stuff (either in terms of current cultural significance, initial market share, or the just the mental real estate people are likely to've allotted it over the years), so I suppose that to me that means that the more detail-oriented & informative I can make my posts, the better they'll be at shifting that weight at least a little. The weird truth is that the people who originally made this stuff (for whatever reasons be they pure artistic impulse, trying to make a quick buck by doing as little as possible, total exploitation -- whatever) have made the world a better place for me. I wanna give them their due! Hopefully I won't burn out on that.

Your blog is definitely in my top ten sites to visit. When I'm looking about your site, what sites are you frequenting?

Firstly I'll avoid the things I link to off of my site & just check my history on this one;

http://www.dailykos.com/
http://anamericanpunkinsuburbia.blogspot.com/
http://mistertoast.blogspot.com/
http://atrios.blogspot.com/
http://chrisgoesrock.blogspot.com/

...and about a million more variations on these themes along with a bunch of graphic design sites that I hit for my job (I'm an art director working in a pleasingly low-brow medium).

I can imagine your collection. I'm sure it's one of the freakiest browsing experiences on the planet. Well above my old flat-mate Margaret's collection. She had an amazingly expensive stereo but owned only one CD, which was Celine Dion. It was used for all occasions. What would you play if you were romancing?

It's been a million things over the years but these days I'm cool with some bop/ post-bop 50's-60's trio/quartet Jazz (with most instrument line-ups being okay as long as it's a small group), or some early 70's King Tubby style dub mixes. Oh, and Opal "Happy Nightmare Baby" always works for me too.

I'm at a loss. I've worn War of the Worlds (Radio Play) thin, I've been listening to Stephen King's 'The Mist' in 3D, I've listened to all the Darker Projects stuff and the City of Dreams plays. I'm looking for a horror audio drama that can chill me. Even started making my own through my podcast 'Ouija' to fill the void. Have you any recommends for me?

I dunno about the scare factor, but old radio shows are where it's at for me. Actually when I was young I had a box set called "The Great Radio Horror Shows" which had an episode of Mystery House called "The Thirsty Death" which gave me nightmares, so I guess some of them might have a little creepiness mixed in there (but mostly they're souped up crime dramas). That episode is somewhere on here by the way:

http://horrortales.libsyn.com/

I remember my first horror film. I was around 7-8 years old and my mate Dave, who was much older, rented 'Mausoleum', an awful horror flick about a sexy daughter possessed by the same demon that possessed her mother. It still scared the shit out of me. Do you remember your first time?

Hey, I love that flick! For the scares AND the breasts! The shit that scared me the most as a kid in the 70's had to be anything dealing with either demonic possession (when I was a kid I was quite honestly convinced that any given night at the outskirts of my small Kansas town, there were throngs of chanting Devil worshipers busily involved in some kind of human sacrifice), or dead ghost kids (those little Diane Arbus looking girls in Kubrick's version of "The Shining" certainly did a job on me). Hierarchically speaking, after that it was probably the walking dead (either the "Avenging Corpse" variety or your more Romero-inspired zombie stuff) that could deeply frighten me. Anyway my first major movie scare was probably the Exorcist, but random episodes of the Night Stalker & Night Gallery also did me in for sure.

Backtracking a little, and keeping in mind, all the Americans that believed War of the Worlds was real at the time of it's broadcast. Have you ever been frightened by an audio broadcast/production?

Oh! I guess I covered this -- yeah that Thirsty Death program for sure when I was very young, but also a number of stories on the records I've posted (mostly "The Hitchhiker" on "Famous Ghost Stories" by Wade Denning.)

Pumpkin carvers don't know how easy they have it. When I was a kid we used to carve turnips with a spoon. You would need to start in Easter to have it carved for Halloween. What vegetable would you not like to be forced to carve?

Hey, so you really did that? In a number of the Halloween history books I've read they talk about this being one of the likely rituals that provided the genesis for the traditional US Jack o' Lantern but I had no idea it was still going on. A turnip is pretty bad so I'll largely stick with tradition & say rutabaga. Mostly cause I do in fact LIKE to say "rutabaga".

Which joke item would you appreciate more: a poo made of chocolate or a bar of chocolate made of poo?

I think it's safe to say that my level of appreciation for either item would be about equal.

Weird & Freaky Question:

If Heaven and Hell brought in a new law that ruled that rather than someone outright going to hell for eternal damnation or heaven for eternal joy, that instead, each of their body parts would be judged individually and sent to the appropriate areas. My mouth for example, would definitely burn because of my bigoted, racist and filthy humour, but my eyelashes, with Matthew, Mark and Luke. Which of a few of your chosen body parts would go where and why?

It's a good bet that the body parts that've been doing my bidding (& doing it well) are going to be serving time for their efforts. Anything being given a free pass is just due to sloppy oversight on my part.

Further Make Up:

Scar Stuff
Oxide Flake - Jason's Other Blog
The Knockout Pills - Jason's Band
The Knockout Pills' Myspace - Features 4 Great Tracks

Sarah Silverman's Wish

2006-05-02T17:48:00.000+01:00

Clippit from her forthcoming TV show. 'Nuff Said.

MST3K - The Final Sacrifice

2006-04-27T22:10:00.000+01:00

I'm not saying too much about this as I hope to be doing a 'Cue & Ehh?' with Mike Nelson and so have to save all my comedy gold on the subject until then. If you haven't discovered MST3K I advise that you visit You Tube and watch what you can. Become hooked, buy a few DVDs and keep the cult alive.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Scientology - Making Christianity The Right Choice

2006-04-27T19:54:00.000+01:00

I can't say I'm one for believing or even one for hope, though I am one for having interest in the methods. Religion for me is the unknown. The dirty word that your parents whisper or spell when you were a kid. How babies are made or how Santa manages to deliver all those toys. Religion is the great mystery.

Let's face it, life is hard enough when you're just trying to live it, succeed and leave a mark. Then we invite the family member who has tourettes to the party. It's there, we all see it. We all can't avoid it around us, with us, on us. We try to talk and get on with enjoying ourselves, but it isn't long before it makes itself known again.

People who are affected by religion are often in hardship, have had some kind of mental trauma, a close by death, whether it be themselves or a family member, or are simply nuts. For those that are extremely nuts there is the nuttiest of all religions... Scientology. Scientology has no history, no vague underlying story and definitely no saints. It exists as a religion for the elite, pay to pray...

Scientology contains none of the romantic ideals of Christianity. No martyrs. No miracles. It contains no good to fight the bad. No parables to apply to our lives. It is simply science fiction theory taken too far.

The Gospel According To Southpark:

Cue & Ehh? With You Tube's Nornna

2006-04-25T18:35:00.000+01:00

Those on the net who have not heard of 'Nornna' have not really been on the net. Since her first video blog posts on You Tube from Jan 2006 to the last in April 2006, Nornna had gained an ever-increasing audience. Whether they be lovers or haters they all have one thing in common. They are addicted to watching Nornna.

In April 2006 Nornna went on a short sabbatical. Leaving fans and well wishers distraught. Sadly this had been rumoured to a few abusive watchers leaking personal information and generally being absolute assholes. Before the sabbatical I had got into touch with her about a video 'Cue & Ehh?', but as the uncertainty unfolded I was sure that these questions would not be answered.

Nornna, famous for her honesty, her little quirks and uncensored posts, reveals all in steadily frequent, prolific and entertaining videos. These videos, uploaded onto the self-broadcasting site You Tube have gained not only viewer and blogger attention, but have attracted the interest of the NYTimes and have also triggered a documentary film in the making.

Spawning a craze of You Tubers watching You Tubers watching You Tubers, Nornna is still a pioneer in her field. Who knows where she will lead us next?

Watch my video 'Cue & Ehh?' with Nornna:

Nornna's post cut short of the Weird & Freaky Question, so she messaged me the answer below-

Weird & Freaky Question:

If you were to have your head and body replaced by two seperate animals, what animals would you choose?

I haven't actually gave it a thought, so ... I wouldn't know WHAT type of animal I would pick.

Watch my original question video posted to Nornna:

Mornna?:

Nornna's You Tube
Nornna's Cached Wiki
Nornna Movie Trailer
Autographed NY Times Article On Ebay
Wildchats Asks Some Questions Of His Own

The Boys Who Cried 'Alien'

2006-04-20T18:56:00.000+01:00

I really do love the story behind the Santilli and Shoefield Roswell footage. It's like a great episode of 'Only Fools And Horses'. The film of their story, 'aLIEn autopsy', is a nicely produced piece of entertainment. TV's Ant and Dec play a rather more handsome pair, but they play it well and after a half hour, I had fallen into the belief that they are the pair. (Another Santilli/Shoefield hoax).

Although Santilli and Shoefield have come clean and owned up to the faking of the footage, Santilli is still adamant that he has seen actual alien autopsy footage and that their fakery is a 'remake' rather than a downright hoax. Can we really be fooled again? As George Bush has said, "Fool me once, Shame on... Shame on you. Fool me and I can't get fooled again..." Are people really that stupid or is it Santilli and Shoefield that have been the stupid ones? If there is real footage and it has been seen by Santilli's eyes, how could we ever let down our guard to believe him. When the wolf's at his door we will more likely be ignorant of his pleas rather than come running when he screams for help.

Santilli Wiki
Faked Or Fiction
Flying Saucer Review

Pancake Mountain

2006-04-20T10:41:00.000+01:00

You know it, I know it. You could say 'We all know it'. Sesame Street sucks. Sure, interracial friendships between those stricken with various afflications was fun for a while. It taught us all that everyone was the same. A large 7 foot bird had the same rights as a homeless, smelly whiner or a trans-sexual elephant. We all sang along to the '12' song and flipped the channel whenever the iron filings guy came on.

There is a new show being chinese whispered amongst the playground creatures. It's not as regular or frequent as Sesame Street, it's not daily, not weekly, it's not even monthly, but it is... worth the wait. At four shows a year it won't change the face of children's television but it is shaking it up.

Featuring musical acts such as Arcade Fire, Go Team, Henry Rollins, Juliet Lewis, M.I.A., Fiery Furnaces and the Kaiser Chefs, Pancake Mountain is carving an indie rock channel into the ear drums of the U.S. nations youth. With Rufus the cheeky goat puppet and Captain Perfect, some kind of... kind of... super freak, the show has slowly gathered together fans to make it to it's third DVD release. It's only six episodes strong, but it's better to have six episodes of Pancake Mountain than 20 years of Sesame Street.

Climb higher:

Pancake Mountain Site
Washington Posts
Pancakespace

Sufjan Stevens' Visuals

2006-04-20T00:48:00.000+01:00

On a rampage to find something to post about I accidentally stumbled over this lovely little video by 'uhdrelee'. It's such a beautiful song, from such a beautiful album. I think the video does do it justice. I sat hypnotised.

There seems to be some kind of holy war waging on the comments section, but what do I care...

Guff:
Casimir Pulaski Wiki
Comments
Uh-Dre-Lee's Myspace

There's something very 'Gondry' about this 'Apple Seed Cast' video, but again it flows really nicely with the track. I love anything to do with polaroids, so this video tugged on my obsession strings as soon as I saw them. The track 'Chicago' is an acoustic version, one that I've never heard before, very fragile and isolated compared to it's strongly grouped studio version.

Stuff:
Tom Dundee Death In The Chicago Tribune

A great stop animation for 'Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois' by 'antihero699'.

Tough.

Jack For The Cash In It...

2006-04-19T00:35:00.000+01:00

What can I say that Bill Hicks hasn't...?

Jodi Fosters

2006-04-15T20:33:00.000+01:00

For a while jodi.org was out of commission, or so it looked that way. You could never really tell whether it was broken or programmed to look broken. Bad links, awful HTML, primitive Ceefax style graphics, crap design becomes great art when it's been created by the Jodi twins.

I was going to title this post 'Return Of The Jodi' but that would have cheapened the whole experience. Jodi is a collaboration between European artists, JOan Heemskerk and DIrk Paesmans. Their creation, a mass of programming and interfaces that exist without functionality, you could say it's HTML Code as art, without aesthetic design or cause. 'Jodi' is a bastard freak of a website, it offers no help, gives no information and exists with or without your visit. It's parents love it, even if you don't.

Jodi Night:

Interview With Jodi
Jodi Wiki

Various Jodi Pages:

404 Jodi - Featuring a vowel filter, rabbits and a virus scan.
Map Jodi
asdfg Jodi
Oss Jodi - Mess up your browser... (You have been warned).
Jetsetwilly Jodi

Cue & Ehh? With Ack Ack Ack's Judson Frondorf

2006-04-15T00:50:00.000+01:00

For a long time I had been lost in the surf, you know how it is, you jump onto Google and you type in as many things that you're into as you can, until you run out. Then it's a case of clicking link after link through pop up after pop up until you end up right back where you started; lost. That was until I discovered 'ack ack ack'. The site offered a collection of interesting routes. It aimed me in the right directions. It didn't mommy cuddle me along the way, sure it offered a teasing phrase or a temping word, but think of it more as fatherly push off rather than the training wheels on your bike.

To put in layman's terms, 'ack ack ack' is a link site. A site to which it's creator posts a list of interesting links that has taken him time and effort to find, to share with you for free, without any catches, for your immediate enjoyment. The internet doesn't get any better than 'ack ack ack'.

Judson Frondorf, the creator, is a bit of an enigma. Like a skilled cameraman or talented grip, he works behind the scenes, getting little reward or attention other than a link to his intriguing music, or if you're feeling generous, his Amazon wishlist. Having fed from him on a nearly daily staple diet of 'ack', I decided to find out a little about the cook, thankfully he was more than willing to share. Come taste...

Judson Frondori - Destroyer (A great track from Judson's Set 1).

'ack ack ack' was the first 'link blog' that I had ever visited. Although I love the joy of clicking and browsing through the interesting links, I wonder why the bloggers do it and keep on doing it. Why do you keep doing 'ack ack ack'?

It's not so much a blog as a website. No self-respecting artist/ writer/ musician/ male/ female/ child/ iconoclast should be without one, and I like routines.

You must have seen millions of weird, trivial and brilliantly pointless pages, hundreds of millions of 'just crap' ones... Do you have a favourite link that sticks in your head, maybe a link that you always copy and paste someone new you've met to impress them?

The Japanese sites never disappoint me. Can’t recall the page but it had a picture of Santa Claus on a crucifix...I thought 'Santa Christ'.

I've always wondered what the hell 'ack ack ack' means. I was thinking it was either a lung cancer victim coughing, a crow that's been listening to David Cross, or the worst impression of machine gun fire that I have ever heard. Am I close?

A song by the Minutemen... Also think of comic book styling of the blasting sound of a machine gun.

I've went from spending 13-16 hours a day on the internet to cutting it down to 5-8 hours with uncontrollable sobbing in between sessions. How many hours do you spend online?

I edit akackack from work. So the machine is on all day and I drop in and add stuff every few hours. I have no Internet at home. I'm at a coffee shop right now.

When I'm not online (Yeah, if that ever happens...) I like to spend my time watching MST3K and writing music. What do you get up to?

Build and repair furniture, writing music, media stuff, walk the dogs and a lotta biking.

I love thieving links from Screenhead or yourself. Which sites to you frequently visit for link inspiration and which site to you like to rip off the most?

No such thing as ripping off in the traditional sense. I've traced back coped links for as many as 10 sites and still never figured the origin. Favorites include Digg, Bifurcated Rivets & Delicious.

I imagine that when you finally leave this earth your grave stone's epitaph will be a series of a href links. Apart from 'ack ack ack's address, name one other address that would feature to sum up your life.

http://cracksinthesidewalk.com

On my way home from primary school during the summer, I would suggest to myself that if I stood on a shadow I would catch Aids. The walk home consisted of me jumping street furniture shadows and diving over oncoming traffic shadows. It took me around four hours to get home from a ten minute walk. Did you have any weird quirks or games as a kid?

That's great! I made a Spider-man costume and kept it hidden behind my dresser. I would put it on at night and sneak out my window. Sit in the bushes and just watch people.

I think that if I stopped this blog tomorrow no-one would notice and I wouldn't get a single email about it. How many emails do you reckon you'd get if you stopped?

One, I don't know who from, but just one.

I was talking to my mate Johnny about how guys go on the internet to check something stupid, like an Ebay item or pricing a CD. Thirteen minutes later you find yourself on some hardcore porn site watching sperm pour from a girl's asshole?!... Ha ha. We figured out that an average guy views a porn site every 52 clicks. I manage around 2... (Opening Safari... He he), how many do you manage?

I can't at work; it's a school district so porn blocking is in place. At cafes I'll indulge every few weeks for a couple hours. I was a projectionist in a porn theatre in the early eighties so I'm jaded. I do like indienudes.com.

I am starting to detest 'Boing Boing', they get so much praise for everyone else's work. There's little content, and it's basically a 'please feature my site' competition between submitters or some shameless self-promotion for the contributors and their mates. Which site do you hate?

I actually find neat stuff there and I don't care about the self-promo crap. Cory bitches a bit too much about privacy issues when the first thing I realised about the digital world was never keep anything on your computer you don't want the whole world to see. If you have a privacy fetish, stay away from computers. I hate badly designed sites. I don't go back to them no matter their content.

Weird & Freaky Question:

Since it's Easter, I'll ask an Easter related question.

Which horrible scenario would you choose if you had to select one and why would you favour it over the others?

Scenario 1) Squeeze a large chocolate egg out of your ass (like a human chicken) while a group of school children watch.

Scenario 2) Be buggered by the randy Easter bunny while he slaps you in the face with a carrot.

Scenario 3) Be slowly crushed by the large stone that rolled away from sealing Jesus' tomb during his resurrection.

You are very anal... Number 1, ‘cause the object is leaving my ass, not entering and if I was one of the kids I'd like to see that.

Links to links:

ack ack ack
Set 1 Tracks
Set 2 Tracks
ack ack ack Merch
Judson's Wishlist

Knobade

2006-04-14T12:06:00.000+01:00

This post from Basketbawful shows the horrible secret that a famous American drink has kept from the public. I first saw this at Screenhead and I know my posts have been a little lazy lately, but I'm working up a few great 'Cue & Ehh?'s. If you don't like that drink you could try a tube of Cockolada.

Climates

2006-04-13T23:56:00.000+01:00

See Al Gore as you've never seen him before. In the cinema...

Moony Bish Compilation

2006-04-13T23:40:00.000+01:00

I don't know what it's about but John's likes it. So... For John.

Moon Hoax, Moon Folks.

2006-04-13T20:12:00.000+01:00

Doubt:

Doubt The Doubt:

The Great Moon Hoax
Yes, We Really Did Go To The Moon
Are The Apollo Moon Landings Fake?
Moon Hoax
Bart Sibrel Get's Buzzed

Georges Melies' Le Voyage Dans La Lune

2006-04-13T16:29:00.000+01:00

This version is ruined by an unhelpful french guy saying the obvious over the top. I find if you turn the sound off it's closer to the original.

Russ' Brother Billy

2006-04-13T15:19:00.000+01:00

Carrying on my very loosely based science posts, I happened upon some incredible evidence of extra-terrestrial life. The videos of Billy Meier holds unarguable proof that UFOs are watching us and that Olive, famous one hit dance duo from the 90's was right, 'You're not alone'.

Billy makes, sorry, films extraordinary things. Offering proof of alien visitation, he films strangely primative craft performing incredible things. Hanging by a small thread, these craft swing back and forth going nowhere in front of badly painted back drops and over poorly modelled materials. When not being filmed these craft like to stay close to trees for still photography. Very close. You could say 'fixed to'. What do these strange craft want from us? How have they managed to travel on such a prehistoric method of transport? Why do they love trees so much?

Billy is a loner. A crazy loner that hears voices in his head. These voices, the Pleiadians from planet Erra, told Billy to get his loner ass out and get married, have children and hoax some UFOs. Of course believers would have me executed. They'd say that there is no proof of hoaxing. That time and time again Billy's photographs have been found to have had no visible tampering or trickery. So rather than slander the man's good name any further I'll let you judge for yourself. Below is a Google Video of a Meier presentation. If you have a spare 1h40mins, I'd recommend it:

Believe:

Billy's Site
The Fly
Semjase

Don't Believe:

Fake Photos - Midpage
Billy Exposed
TV Special
Researcher on MSN Chat

Amazing Machines

2006-04-13T14:05:00.000+01:00

Well, there' been a lot of science talk this week, with it being science week, you would expect it. With a successful start to the Venus Express mission I thought I'd find some other fantastic machines. How can you speak of those machines without mentioning Rube Goldberg. Goldberg, the first president of the National Cartoonists Society, first came up of the concept of amazing devices that did simple tasks in a very convoluted way. These 'Incredible Machines' can be spotted throughout the media, and have had a great effect on engineering and machine making, putting his name to the concept; 'The Rube Goldberg Machine'. Although often seen as a novelty, Golberg inspired machines often display incredible feats of engineering, physics knowledge and of a scientificly creative mind. Below are examples of a Japanese TV Show's segments inspired by Goldberg:

Interested in Rube?:

Rube Wiki
Other Rube Inspired Google Videos
Rube's Official Site

Arthur Ganson creates beautiful kinetic sculptures. Ganson, engineer turned artist, turns the mechanical into the inspiring. His works always seem to portray the quiet, secretive life of moving materials. Little inanimate materials strangely animate, tippy toeing to and fro, sneaking and creeping around, he's like the Attenborough of machines.

Interested in Arthur?:

More You Tube Videos
Arthur Ganson's Site
Ganson on Ebaum's

Similar to Ganson, David C Roy creates kinetic sculptures from wood. Using various optical illusion techniques Roy makes limited edition mechanical art wall hangings that are calming and hypnotic.

Interested in David?:

Wood That Works - Official Site With Animation & Video.

Andrew Smith's 'Moon Pool':

Karl Spelletich's Works:

Interested in kinetic art as a whole?:

Great Link List Of Resources

Cue & Ehh? With Myspace's Karl Pilkington

2006-04-11T14:36:00.000+01:00

The 2nd series of the Ricky Gervais Podcast ended last week. I find myself lost and bored. What am I to do? I think of a new Cue & Ehh?:

(I had intended this Cue & Ehh? to be with Myspace's Ricky, Stephen and Karl. Unfortunately after saying that they'd take part, and wasting a lot of my time chasing them, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant didn't respond).

I had also intended this interview to be on the uncertainty of identity. To question the people that take the place of stars and correspond to fans when the celebrity can't. It appears that that doesn't even happen. It appears, for some unknown reason, that these imposters are just as unresponsive as a busy celeb. Scrolling through Myspace you are flooded with famous names and faces. Why are normal people favouring the deletion of their own identity for a fake celebrity one? I know that I would rather be myself with no friends than imitate a famous celebrity with thousands. Simply because those friends are not my own.

It's a lazy fan site. A dead end for research. There is little to gain from these identities other than to read the fan comments. Fan comments that are so misdirected that it's a little depressing.

Then there's the other possibility. What if it is the real person? What if the real Ricky and Stephen had read my questions and decided that they would opt out? What if I have received the answers from the real Karl Pilkington? Myspace had lead to the contacting a lot of the previous Cue & Ehh?s. From talented people who I know are the 'real thing'. People who have time to give a little correspondence to the interested. Sure, they're just as busy as others who don't respond. They just like to stay in contact, like the rest of us. It keeps us all grounded. There are no platforms, just the lazy and the unlazy, the busy and the unbusy, the caring and the uncaring.

Myspace imposters do help us. They help fans state their passion. They show evidence of that passion. It's a big step from the unread fan letter. You can grafitti your love all over your favourite rock stars Myspace, others who feel similar can read it, they can 'friend' you. They spark friendships. They are a place where alike people can meet, converse and feel connected. Maybe it is wrong to slander these imposters for fraud. In a different light they are janitors of microcosmic fan clubs. They have created a vessel in which we can all offer our knowledge, display our love and calm our fanaticism. Questioning them would merely ruin the illusion:

Myspace Karl, thank you for agreeing to answer a few questions, I guess the first question which everyone is asking is ‘are you the real Karl’?

But, but like how do I know if i'm the real Karl? Like, if there's more than one me which one's the real me?

How do you feel about all the attention you get on Myspace?

Alright.

Ricky 272, Stephen 273, Karl 625.
After having an eyeball at your friend amounts, I noticed that Karl had a considerably larger amount, while Ricky had the least. Is Ricky & Stephen just more choosey? Have you any thoughts on this?

I can't be doin with any faffin so i just 'accept' everyone.
Steve, I don't mean this in a bad way, but you're a bit weird looking so maybe people don't want to look at your site?

I have really enjoyed the Ricky Gervais Show podcast. I’ve given up on music and films in this New Year. I guess I really only listen to the show and browse the web. What one thing have you really enjoyed this year (Jan – Apr 2006)?

I met Derek Acorah the other week, that was alright.

Other than Myspace, what other web sites do you like to visit?

Ananova's pretty good. some good stories there. This fella told me to look at Snopes, that's alright but i don't believe some of the stuff.

I am getting a little bored of ‘Rock Busters’, what are your thoughts on it?

Well, loads of people send in emails with answers every week. but if Ricky and Steve don't want to do it, we don't have to do it. They can bring some stuff in for a change, save me the hassle.

The second series ended last week, I don’t know what I’m going to do. What will you do?

Me and Ricky are working on a book about freaks an that. Some good stories.

When you’re at home and you want to unwind, what music lifts you away?

I like songs with a story but there aint that many about. 'Living for the city' by Stevie Wonder's alright.

I recently had a run in with a very pretentious music sales assistant who thought that they knew the entire history of Indie music. He annoyed me so much that I just went home and ordered what I wanted online. What’s your most hated profession and what’s the reasoning behind it?

Me and Ricky went to a casino the other week. I was playing a bit of blackjack and people were givin the coupieré tips. What's that about? Give us the cards, I'll deal 'em meself.

Did anyone play an April Fools on you, or did you play an April Fools on anyone?

Susanne was making a boiled egg and when she went in the other room I swapped the egg in the saucepan for fresh 'n. She told me off for wasting eggs.

I’m currently watching Attenborough’s Planet Earth. It’s about the Desert. Which makes me think to ask… ‘What’s your least favourite Dessert?’ (Yes, the sweet course!)

I like a nice sponge. Y'know, cake an that.

I did say LEAST favourite but that'll do...

Weird & Freaky Question:

If you were put into the situation, were you had to poo out an animal. Say through some crazy experiment that you had been forced into. What animal would you choose to excrete and why?

Is a bee an animal? No, not a bee, it'd sting. er, butterfly.

More:

Karl's Myspace
The Russel Brand Show With Karl
Pilkipedia - The forum's new identity.
Karl's Book

'Fagazines' - The Death Of Raygun & The Demise Of Contemporary Journalism

2006-04-10T16:39:00.000+01:00

Am I the only one out there that remembers the golden era of music journalism? I must be, NME's sales soar through the roof, but yet title after title folds. Unfortunately not into your pocket or bag, I'm talking business folding, a cold, emotionless origami for unit counting vultures interested in money, not substance. I'm not a great writer, here's proof of that, but I was a great reader. There's nothing more rewarding and as close to meeting your idols as to reading a well written article of someone who has. Sadly those days are long gone. Modern day journalists are more interested in slipping in a little throwaway snapshot of themselves beside their headline, than another finely crafted image of the artist they review. I hate to say it, but I really don't give a fuck about you, whoever you are. I know you've got yourself into a nice little earner. Free tickets, CDs and DVDs. Free merchandise to Ebay for extra drinking money. If I was interested, I would read an interview with you as the feature. I never will... You know why? Because you're fucking boring.

You report on others for a reason, because you create nothing yourself. You may state that you create 'hype', I would disagree that hype is ever created, it is merely redirected. It has always been and always will. People are wanting, submissive, unsure creatures. Hype directs us to our similar, it filters us to our tribes. It cleans us of our ability to hunt and scavenge. It un-uniques us.

So where am I going with this? It's hard to say, for me, it's a very swamped minefield to skip through. Having a successful partner writing for a successful magazine doesn't help matters. My words can cut deep. They can fray years of loving with a single sentence. I have no love for music journalism nor even music anymore. It wisps by me like dust, sometimes sticking to an eyeball, irritating, uncomfortable, but mostly it goes un-noticed. I have a love for her and what she writes, I care for her and want to know all I can. I try to hold back from stating it, I somehow try to phrase that I'm not grouping her in with the same people. It's impossible, it's like saying to an artist that they're not an artist and they should not claim to be. I reason with it, I try putting it in a way that she will understand that I don't mean her, but I do believe that 'Modern journalism, as a creative medium, is fucking awful'.

I stated a few posts ago that I would rather die than read another NME. I was serious. I am that passionate about this. I would rather be sodomised by a HIV positive, bird-flu suffering deviant than have to buy a newspaper. For me, journalism is exactly what it states; 'journal-ism'. I understand the cold, non-biased styles to tell of an event or debate an argument, but we ourselves are not cold, we are definitely not non-biased. So why have I the choice of 30+ similar publications expressing, or rather, 'not expressing' this method, yet no other?

The blog is the human way of trying to recapture our instinct to record. I don't want to look back on some lifeless report to discover my past. I want to read a heated, abusive, crying, lost paragraph that feeds me with thoughts. That sparks the first electric impulse to that great 'remember when' story. I want to read racist, outrageous, all hating views. I want to be disgusted to the point of laughter. I want to be challenged. I want to feel myself breathe when I read. I want to know that I am aware, I am lost in the text, drowning, submerged... but at the end, on that final full stop when I resurface, I will have found another little piece of myself.

Very few things impress me anymore. I will not try. I will not want. I do not crave what was or mourn for what's gone. I just like to remember what has been. I have many keepsakes. These are my records. Not a '90 issue of Melody Maker. Not a 9/11 photo supplement. Not a Hallmark DVD of what happened on my day of birth. I would rather lose my life than lose many of these treasures. These are real journals. They tell many stories, explain many things, about the most important thing... me.

Most of my adult life I have moaned and despaired at the disappearance of 'Raygun'. A magazine, for me that held everything that a growing, learning, passionate kid could want. Beautifully descriptive, cleverly laid, with challenging, often frustrating and offensive design. Each month it morphed itself to another object of love and hate. Some kind of selfish asshole chameleon. It chose your most loved and trashed their image to beyond recognition, it hid away life changing quotes, cut words and pissed us off. It chose your most hated, surrounded them in the most luscious composition and design, it compressed their words into some beautiful silhouette, it took a phrase and spent days upon end illustrating it, making it beautiful, making it hard to hate.

For those that have never known Raygun, I envy you, for you do not know what we have lost. I dream of a day where I can forget. A day where I could stupidly jaunt into an newsagents and buy a magazine without thought. I could browse that magazine, taking nothing but trivia in. I can throw that magazine away without regret. I dream of that day as I know it will simply never happen. I wish I could be an instinctive animal, fuck and eat, live for fun. I dream of oblivion.

:But dreams do not come true, they are only awoke from...

Awake my tired, sleepy friends. Awake and yawn. The day holds a beautiful memory in every second.

Cue & Ehh? With John Tweedie (Babel Design)

2006-04-09T16:01:00.000+01:00

My relationship with John is a friendly one, though shrouded in envy and jealousy at the creator's talent and scope. For the short few years that I've known him (twelve... has it really been that long?!) he has been prolific, intellectually inspiring, funny, supportive, brimming with ideas, religiously thought provoking and... missing. Like Lord Lucan he has been lost and found, only more than once, a repetitive prodigal son, hiding himself away only to appear months later with more beautiful sights to behold.

It has been said too many times that 'a picture tells a thousand words', though what that fails to say is that those words are usually incoherent, lack intelligence, stimulation and fail to arouse. Tweedie's pictures don't just 'tell a thousand words,’ they tell a thousand tales. Stories as old as the written word itself, stories that have yet to be written. Won't you come read with me...

Could you tell the readers a little about yourself, your training and your aims?

I'm a 38 year-old artist and hermit-in-training from Belfast. Combining this with my aversion to exhibiting gives me none of the attributes that an artist requires. I did my B.A. in Painting/ Fine Art and a Masters in Fine Art/ Illustration (Although the art college didn't notice). Since leaving art-school I have been doing a lot of work using 3D applications and Photoshop but recently have been doing more and more work involving painting and 'natural media".

My aims are to get an agent and to publish the books that I have been working on. For the sake of interest the books are:

- Metronome ( An illustrated history of civilization)
- Apocalypse ( A fully illustrated version of St. John's Revelation )
- Proverbs ( An illustrated series of proverbs/aphorisms )
- Virus (A book of weird ideas that won't go away)
- Sedative (A book of chair paintings/images)
- A Handmade Heart (A graphic novel that I am co-writing)
- I'm also thinking about a book of Dante''s Divine Comedy and a few other comic ideas.

Being an artist influenced by the work of contemporary comic artists such as McKean, Sienkiewicz, Williams and Muth who is treading back into the areas from whence the styles arose, do you find it hard to be accepted by the traditional art lover?

By traditional art lover I take you to mean the clients of current art galleries and the 'art scene'. These people are, in general, interested in art as a product; i.e. in limited editions, small print runs, etc. The notion that a run of 5,000 books are each an individual work of art is anathema to them. It is also an inward looking incestuous world that I am not really interested in getting involved with, unless through an agent. Current art trends also seem to lean heavily towards the confessional, the unedited display of each artists individual neuroses. Blame Prozac, I don't know?

I don't want anyone to see anything but the work I make. Then it's between the audience and the image. I would like to remain out of the picture as much as possible. In essence I think that any creative endeavor that comes with a text explaining how I should relate to it is falling short of the mark somewhere.

Could you name a recently favoured sequential art publication?

I just finished a D.C. collection of the 'Mystery in Space' comics a really classic Ed Wood style space-opera, pure bubble-gum for the eyes. I'm now reading Alex Robinson's 'Tricked' and it's pretty good. I just got a few 'Blab' back issues, which are always interesting. But the graphic novel of 'The Fountain' is, for me, the best looking thing out recently. Some praise has to go to Daniel Aronofsky for reversing the trend of Hollywood stealing the best ideas from the world of comics.

Outside of the Comic Artist field which artists have been major influences on your work?

Well, I studied painting so they would be the obvious people. Raphael, Piero della Francesca, Durer, Giotto, Brueghel, Holbein and more current artists like Ed Kienholz, Paula Rego, Rauschenberg, Richter, etc. The other people who interest me would all be writers, comic-artists and film makers.

You, like myself, were born and bred in Northern Ireland, I’ve taken the artist out of Northern Ireland. Do you think you can take the Northern Ireland out of the artist?

If you can't then that artist is in trouble. I have always thought that an artist should try to have a conversation with as many people as possible through their work. Not just the people in their street or city.

Northern Ireland is a pretty rotten state of affairs all round and any comments I have to make would certainly not help the situation. The people who have the most interesting things to say about any political situation are usually those outside who can take an unbiased look at all sides.

Your work has always contained religious undertones that have not only made me question the representations of belief and disbelief but also shown me the beauty in that conflict. What are your religious intentions when creating these pieces?

Someone, who was much smarter than I am, stated that any societies' God(s) reflect that societies own character. So many cultures have made an overarching narrative that explains their relationship with the universe that it seems to be an unavoidable aspect of humanity. And, of course, this means we can get a little bit inside the minds of the people who prescribed these stories. To understand a bit of the long gone Sumerians and what we have in common read Gilgamesh the king. Then watch Star Wars and guess what? I think the parallels outweigh the differences.

So, for me, what stands out is the similarity between humans and their relationships with the universe. From the Willendorf Venus to Christianity, from Manichaeism to Scientology, a continuous and overlapping set of stories exists. I'm interested in what each has to say about our relationship with God(s) with authority and with the rest of humanity. So, consequently, if we follow these ideas to their conclusion we can trace humanities relationship with the universe throughout the ages.

My interest in illustrating texts is in that it allows me to set up a relationship between the text and the illustration so that they are either in harmony or at odds with each other. This space between the words and images is where the real art happens I think. God I'm boring myself. Next.

Having heard about you developing a visual Holy Bible I was intrigued with the idea. Are you working on that project, is there an expected finishing date and what are your feelings on Simon Bisley’s ‘Illustrations from the Bible’?

Well I am illustrating The Apocalypse of St. John at the moment. The whole bible would take me forever so I am limiting myself to the sickest of all the Bible's books.

I had finished a version of 'The Apocalypse' about five years ago but a lot of the images needed elements that I could only provide using 3D renders. So I learnt Cinema 4D and some other 3D applications and now I am about two-thirds of the way through the new version. My computers speed is a major factor at the moment. Some renders take days. As for Simon Bisley's Bible stuff, I haven't seen it. I'll bet he did David and Goliath though.

Also, rumour has it that you are working with Malachy Coney, writer of Top Cow’s ‘The Darkness’ and Indie Release ‘Major Power & Spunky’. Can you divulge anything about these projects?

Well, I understand that Malachy may be doing a Cue & Ehh?, so I'll leave that to him. He is doing a lot of interesting stuff at the moment.

A few years ago we had an idea for a story that was a re-working of the Daedalus/Icarus myth. Malachy then wrote a one-off script, which he turned into a lovely short story. Since then, due to my inability to finish anything, I have been expanding the comic into an eight issue graphic novel that follows the Icarus character from 'birth' to death. When that is finished, Malachy will look over it again and, if it is ship-shape, submit it to a publisher. I don't want to draw it myself.

You seem to spend a lot of time researching for your work, sourcing and referencing hundreds of images and photographs for a single piece. You also seem to be extremely prolific, creating work after work. Outside of this what do you do with the few seconds left in the day?

Very boring stuff. I make edits on Wikipedia. Watch as many truly bad movies as I can. Play survival horror games, worship the Legend of Zelda series, but mostly I try to read and watch stuff that I can plough back into my work somehow.

When I work I often like to listen to Fudge Tunnel’s ‘Fudgecake’ or Depeche Mode’s ‘Songs of Faith and Devotion’. Do you have any favourite art creating music?

Philip Glass - Einstein on the Beach, Low Symphony. Frank Zappa - Civilization Phase III, Jazz from Hell. Anthony Payne - Times Arrow.

What’s the most recent thing that has disgusted or repulsed you?

That a film has been made of 'A Scanner Darkly' and the producers ignored a script by Charlie Kaufman, which was wonderful. I have read 'A Scanner Darkly' about twenty times and the trailers I have seen fill me with dread. If anyone wants to read how great the film might have been, it is available here.

Its either that or the 'Black Eyed Peas' song 'My Humps'. I want to kill every time I hear that shit. In fact my seventeen year old nephew and I are at work penning a cash-in of our own entitled 'Milk, Milk, Lemonade (Round the corner chocolate's made). What the hell is happening in music land?

Weird and Freaky Question:

You’re standing on a wall 20ft tall and are balancing your way across its 100ft length. On one side of the wall there awaits thousands of Aids infected homosexuals. They are crazed in a sexual frenzy... Pale, diseased and rotting, they yearn for your flesh. Similarly, on the other side lies thousands of robotic crack whores. They display serrated blades opening and closing inside their acid oiled vaginas. During your journey you lose your footing and although try to regain your balance; you know you will definitely fall. Which way do you aim your weight?

That's a tough one. Which group am I more prepared to reject; the zombie mos or the crack smoking fembots? Tough. They're all people too; sort off. Well I suppose I'd apologise to those lovely crackophiles and take a plunge for HIV central. Hey - you still have a weeny afterwards, right ? Right ?

Discover more:

Babel Design
Deviant Artworks

Kraft Working It

2006-04-09T15:44:00.000+01:00

This uploaded glimpse of history making from '81 shows Kraftwerk in an different and incredible light for me. I've never been a huge fan due to the pretentiousness and snobbery of their fan base. It's been something, that as an art student, I had avoided. I wish I had have seen this video many years ago and had realised that there used to be life in the four.

I think that standing lifeless behind a laptop has almost made them a parody of themselves. I often think that if an artist isn't enjoying their own music how do they expect an audience to?

It's almost like witnessing four Ian Curtises enjoying doing their tax returns...

Cue & Ehh? With Beerjacket

2006-04-08T02:22:00.000+01:00

Beerjacket - Barricade (Download)

It's hard enough to get heard in never mind to rise from Glasgow, but Peter Kelly has done both successfully. In a world full of singer/songwriters, converted buskers and melloncollie folkists it is hard to stand out from the crowd when you're a solo male guitarist, Kelly has also conquered this hurdle too.

I was first touched by the cuff of the Beerjacket when he put on a magnificent support for Feist. His voice weaving in and out of notes, his fingers plucking each string with machine skill, while his foot stomped the floor or a tambourine with hypnotising rhythm. Excuse the sewing descriptions, but he did behave like a life-long gifted seamstress altering your comfort blanket to man-size for cuddling protectively to keep the blues away.

Enough of me, I'll zip it and let the man speak:

I’m sure you’ve been asked a million times and I’m sure your sick of it but it has to be asked; Have you ever had a venereal disease? Ha ha… no… I’m kidding… Where the hell did ‘Beerjacket’ come from?

A 'beerjacket' is the invisible garment you wear when drunk which protects you from the cold. I like it as a metaphor for any dependence, not necessarily alcohol, which helps people mask their vulnerabilities or insecurities or whatever. It's a bit awkward when people address *me* as 'Beerjacket' though but that's what I get for giving the music a name and attempting to leave me out of it when it's a solo act. People get a bit confused at that. Which is excellent.

I am remembering the awful puffy black bomber jackets from the 80s with Kylie Minogue, Bros and badly painted panther prints on the back. What would the print on the back of your Beer Jacket be?

The idea of a Beerjacket beer jacket has been suggested before actually, but hopefully said ideamongers were joking. A bottle of beer? That's pretty massively unimaginative.

You always seem to suffer the ‘Jeff Buckley Comparison’, (a suffering that Thom Yorke (Radiohead) had to bear), which is usually thrown at every male with a skilled vocal range. Is this ever an irritation?

I don't think it's irritating but I agree that it's largely attributable to the fact I do sing as opposed to just shouting or whatever. I certainly don't consider the comparisons as somethng which I suffer: such comments are usually meant in a complimentary way. I think Jeff Buckley was incredible and seemed to transcend a lot of the restrictions which, especially during the heads down shoutey/whiney 'grunge' years, male singers put on themselves. It's maybe a bit inaccurate though - I can think of lots of folks much more similar to him in singing style than me and they're often intentionally ripping him off! I do consider him an influence but I don't really think Beerjacket has too many parallels with him though.

Last year saw the continuing success of acts such as Bright Eyes, Smog, Gravenhurst and Adem. Ad makers are leaning towards the likes of Vashti Bunyan, Iron & Wine and Jose Gonzales. It seems that folk will only go from strength to strength this year and will find similar marketing success that pushed the likes of Grunge, Britpop, Metal, Emo and Goth to kids. What are your feelings on this? Have you seen a change in crowd reception? Would you ever allow your music to be featured in an Ad, and if so, which preferred product?

The indie snob in me would, if I'm honest, rather keep my favourite musicians out of the public domain so that I can seem cooler for knowing about them. However, in my heart of hearts, I know it can only be a really positive thing that these people who allow TV and other media to decide what they hear or see get the chance to encounter great music, even if it's at the expense of my elitist pleasure! It's amazing to hear Joanna Newsom's otherworldy voice and music soundtracking a mobile phone advert - it's like a satellite broadcast from a better musical planet interrupting the trash media we're familiar with! It makes people realise there is music which is undiscovered (for them at least) which they could love. What's wrong with that?
I think it has affected crowds who go to see live music for definite and there are now fewer distinctions between people who like one type of music and another. Surely for 'real' musicians (funny to think there are those who are not...) that can only be a good thing?
I would definitely allow my music to be used in advertising if it didn't damage the song and, being honest, if it was lucrative I'd be a fool to say no. There certainly seems to be less of an indie stigma now attached to becoming involved in advertising and that's due to the involvement of musicians who have come from DIY backgrounds realising these opportunities open doors to wider audiences. Indie snobbery should not come at the expense of one's ability to make music. Many musicians have to work to sustain their artistic creation and they'd be really silly to reject the possibilities such opportunities could create.

Staying with Jose Gonzales. Many are unaware that ‘Heartbeats’, his most commonly known track, is a ‘The Knife’ cover. Seeing his performance in Oran Mor, I found that most of his stand out tracks were covers: The Knife, Massive Attack and Kylie Minogue. Have you a favourite cover? Would the fine line between singer-songwriter and glorified busker make you hesitant in doing covers?

I love Patti Smith's 1975 cover of The Who's 'My Generation'. Interesting, as I don't like The Who or their version of that song much at all. For me, Smith's reading of the song is so much more vicious, raw and affecting. When she says at the end, "We created it, let's take it over..." it empowers me massively! I feel like going out and accomplishing something - it's totally inspirational. I've considered covers sometimes but I think it's perhaps not something I care enough about executing to justify it. I run the risk of slaughtering a favourite song for one and, anyway, I'd always rather write and play my own.

After having heard KT Tunstall live on Jules Holland, then hearing her studio album, I found that the whole essence of her was lost through the studio production. With the recent release of ‘Accident History’, your first studio album, do you feel it’s portrayed a true nature of your performance?

It's very difficult to accomplish that transition - something that works live might not transfer so well to a recording. I do think a lot about this. I do like the idea that there is a difference though. On a good night, it's quite disarming for an audience, especially a larger one, to be faced with one person playing in the most stripped down, basic interpretations of their songs. It's very direct that way and, without the noise and bluster of a band, they pay more attention to words and can connect more fully with the songs. 'Accident History' is something of a halfway house between the live show and the recorded version of Beerjacket; there're some songs which are completely live to tape, guitar and voice, and others which are more full arrangements, drum machine et al... A good example of someone who I think has a similar attitude is Feist, whose 'Let It Die' I'm listening to and loving for the ten thousandth time as I type. A record which survives and rewards with repeated listens is what I always hope to create. One thing that is consistent from stage to studio is the intention to create something honest and I think 'AH' does that.

A lot of your subject matter seems to involve overt sadness and frustrated depression. Is this all a big put on? I coined the phrase ‘Setup Upset’, a phrase that describes the manipulation of sadness for the purpose to create or gain an upper hand. Are you really at home sipping Pineapple Malibu and playing with your Coca Cola Super Spinner Yo-Yo or should we be worried?

I like your phrase! I'm far from depressed but I'd be a liar, not to mention an android, if I were to say I was never sad about anything. I often don't even notice the words I've written into songs 'til I'm singing them live. When I sing certain lines I feel emotionally engaged with the songs and it's when that connection takes place that I feel a kickstart in my performance. So, to put your mind at rest, I'm very well but the songs don't usually focus on how deliriously happy I am. Thank. God. I just write songs which seem real to me and they seem to resound with other people that way too.

I’m currently in Bed at 12:23 PM because I simply could not be assed getting up. I may get up in half an hour and watch ‘Mythbusters’. What pushes you to get up?

I want to create and accomplish things. And despite the morose tone of some of my music, I genuinely love being alive - what can I say? Sorry?

Weird & Freaky Question:

If you had to have a breast grafted to your body, where would you choose and why?

Somewhere internal, maybe my spleen.

What if it's a breast of chicken? Would it be the same area or would you change your mind?

No, I'll stick with the spleen.

Follow on:

Beerjacket's Site
Beerjacket's Myspace
Everybody Cares Blog - 2 tracks featured.
Live at King Tuts

Little Brother Is Watching

2006-04-08T01:05:00.000+01:00

I'm not really one for political activist sites, not that I'm one for politics, but politics online, especially when Bush is involved, always vents unresearched, emotional commentary rather than factual information. What I enjoy about 'Little Brother Is Watching' is it's lack of Bush bashing for laughs. Let's face it, satire in America is an easy business at the minute. Comedians must be thinking they've won the lottery with the amount of comedic material Bush has made available to them. "Little Brother' offers a range of sites to research for yourself and states, 'Knowledge is power. Arm yourself'. It can be forgiven for it's shameless marketing of t-shirts and stickers bearing it's logo due to their value and their nature, though rather than buying a t-shirt to speak your mind I'd buy a Noam Chomsky book to 'arm yourself' to actually speak your mind.

Cue & Ehh? With The Congregation Of Vapors

2006-04-07T13:40:00.002+01:00

The Congregation Of Vapors - Esau And His Lentils (Preview) from the forthcoming release 'Zetacarnosa'.

'TCOV' first tickled my ears when I downloaded 'With Love From America' from the sadly dead 'Teaching The Indie Kids To Dance Again' MP3 Blog. The track was different in every way to recent trends of lo-fi folk and muffled garage guitar rock. It was triumphant, passionate and wide in scape, resembling an anthem from a John Williams soundtrack. It's sound; like a spiteful Neil Diamond venting his hate over a political party theme, it was... hard to explain. I played the tune repeatedly, the more I played, the better it got.

After finding more material I was amazed at the range and flair of the Congregation. Forever morphing members, enigmatic, with touch light sensitivity on one side. Friendly faced, knowing and understanding, with an erosive wave of political phlegm on the other. I'm pushed to find a simile that would best describe the band, so I won't... I questioned them so you can discover them for yourselves:

Which one of the 10+ of you am I questioning? What is your role in the band?

JED: You've got three of us. I'm Jed Davis, keyboard player and occasional singer. I also serve as music director, getting the projects together and keeping things cohesive with such a large and shuffling cast.

DOM: I'm Domenic Maltempi. I sing, write some words, worry my comrades with my butterfly knife breakfast dance, but can be counted on to gainsay the most egregious things I'm not accused of. I am the architect of the coil-toy flesh springing up in the jungle-gym veins of our father who played the ARP 2202 in Heavatroik.

MIKE: I'm Mike. I play bass and stuff.

Straight onto 'With Love From America'... My girlfriend Laura gets an empathic Republican feel from it and hates it, whereas I sense a tongue in cheek Liberal stance with a little sympathy for the 'big fat loser kid in the class' that is the U.S.A.. What's your intention with the track?

JED: Davidt, before you show Laura this interview, make an expensive bet with her because you'll win. Everything you need to know about "With Love From America" is in our excessively wordy "HUBRIS NOTES" on the subject: Read the PDF

MIKE: We really love the world. Especially the French. They revolutionized toast and ticklers.

I have the track as No. 12 in my best of 2005. Right above K T Tunstall's live version of 'Black Horse and the Cherry Tree', but below MC Lars' 'The Raven'. Would you say this ranking was fair? What would your 12th favourite track of 2005 be?

MIKE: Mike Doughty's "Looking at the World". Mostly 'cause his name is Mike.

JED: According to my iPod, Brian Dewan's recording of the traditional "Tobacco's But An Indian Weed" was my 12th most listened-to song of 2005. It was recorded in 1993, though... is that a disqualification?

In your track 'Before I Was Born' you state that the lord had cursed you. He cursed me with fuzzy cheeks (the face, perverts), moley skin and a bad digestive system. What did he curse you with?

MIKE: He cursed me with a lust for Rock, and bad hair.

JED: All the things he cursed me with are plainly stated in the song. But shit, Davidt, I'm sorry he fucked YOU up so bad!

'The Congregation Of Vapors' gives the impression that you are a group with bad B.O. (Body Odour). Am I missing something? What's the real reason behind the name?

JED: I gotta apologize in advance for the long answer, but here goes... Mike and I spent a few years in a band called Collider. Everyone in the group was broke, but we were operating under the misconception that to have a day job is to somehow compromise your "artistic integrity" - so we started taking session gigs where the four of us would get hired together to back up pop singers. Suddenly our rent was paid and we seemed to be brushing up against the publicly-accepted idea of success. But I hated it... the music was 100% compromise; it was fuckin awful! And so was the company: the only people more loathsome than pampered pop stars are the ridiculous 15-year-olds who idolize them. After one particularly high-profile but gut-wrenching session stint, I realized that I would enjoy a day job more - because then, at least, I could separate life from livelihood, take the steady income and spend it on projects that are actually fulfilling to me. So I quit the Collider business, went to work in an office and started TCOV. The name comes from Hamlet, specifically the "What a piece of work is man!" soliloquy. On one hand, "The Congregation Of Vapors" is a reference to the hubris inherent in the pop star condition - being one, wanting to be one, feeling entitled to be one. In the more literal sense, it's about a cloud of musicians that comes together in different formations depending on the mission: a band that doesn't really exist.

DOM: Why does Metamorpho open his tunic when the party has been dialed away and it's too cold for sunglasses? No daddy sweats on our olives. We have no father. Our organist is missing polypeptides. What he calls love we call duress. No limitations on creative input was a major imperative for our feral troops; however they ended up swallowing swords on a gorgeous cliff is their business. Sure our drummer loves hockey, but if we needed an oboist who was vehemently against ice games but who fit in with the gossamer architecture, then so be it.

MIKE: It's gas. Don't listen to any other explanations. Dom has bad gas.

What's your favourite smell?

DOM: It's always a mix of leather whiskey talcum fresh air. Olfactory hotshot that I am, I need a lot of a lot.

JED: Chanel No. 5 bath powder. I used to hang out with a junkie who wore it. That shit can make you smell like an angel even after you've spent a week nodding off and forgetting to shower. Close second is the hamentashen smell that wafts down the block from Moishe's, the kosher bakery in my neighborhood - butter, sugar and preserves.

MIKE: Dom's gas.

The last time I had heard the word 'congregation' was around 20 years ago in Sunday School at Church. After being ran over by a police woman one day on my way home I found myself in hospital with stigmatic style wounds. My Grandmother said that it was Jesus testing me. I never went back to church after that. Have you lost your faith? If 'Yes' at what particular moment?

MIKE: Yes. I forget when, but I think it had something to do with angel dust.

DOM: Yes. I think I was in some early adolescent year (as I'm sure is per-usual in these apostate tales). There was no critical moment, but more of a flap of time that felt like burlap playing a ditty on the demons in my windpipe. I mean, what do I know? I'm a finite creature who talks to incorrigible packets of cup-o-soups when they don't rip on the first try. With that said, most of the 'revealed' religions with the books and the corny narrative and all that smell of some of rank presumption, fear and mind-fucking vanity, vanity and fear. God made Himself a man... worship man... no, he's not really a man... He's God, but worship man, man sins, but go through me man/God, it's cool. Man interprets, you worship, light a candle, take a picture passed out in a pew or on the salad bar of a temple of some stripe. Loo light in the piss-tight songs of the angels of idiot-proof... don't use it to see... that is to say...

JED: I was raised in a Jewish family but I am not interested in practicing. Once I heard bacon cheeseburgers were off-limits, I was outta there.

You find yourself waking up from a complete crazy night, remembering little. You notice an instruction pamphlet for tatoos sitting on the table and feel a tinge of pain coming from your entire chest area. You know that there's got to be a tattoo there. What would you be hoping it was a tattoo of?

MIKE: Punky Brewster.

JED: Man, I hope it's the cover of Kiss's "Rock and Roll Over".

What would it really be?

MIKE: Brandon the Wonder Dog.

JED: With my luck, the cover of Kiss's "Lick it Up". Now you know why I don't drink.

With so many of you in the band, do you have a dictator or a democratic voting system to make decisions?

JED: I'm the de facto "musical director". From the TCOV collective, our goal is to assemble the group that can communicate a song in the most powerful way, yet still enable each individual performer do what comes naturally to him or her. We've all been in bands together for years, so that's easy - the guys trust me to cast them in the best light, and I trust them to be themselves.

MIKE: Screw that bullshit. We answer only to Jesus Fucking Christ.

Weird & Freaky Question:

You are pleasuring yourself over some filthy porn on some very filthy porn channel, as you are just about to cum a family member opens the door to enter the room. You have one of two choices. Either dive for the remote and change the channel leaving your erupted cock poking from your zipper, spewing sperm all over your pants, or quickly throw the little beggar into your trousers and have him seep his juice inside your pants, quickly tucking the toilet roll in your pocket, leaving yourself sitting with an obvious 'tent pole' infront of the porn. Your Choice?

JED: Porn does nothing for me. I like the ladies - not pictures of the ladies!

DOM: I show cock on that one. Fuck it. The pants won't take a hit. You mentioned TP in this scenario. The cum is caught; the Mao Se Donger has a little white bonnet. My first impulse is to shut the shop on the filth. Porn noises and images might sting more in future than a glance at the exposed tumescent member.

MIKE: Neither. I would stand proudly, waving my engorged member back and forth spraying whoever was so foolish as to disturb my viewing of "Choco-Trannies" with man-goo.

Attend:

TCOV Site
TCOV Myspace
Jed Davis/TCOV Wiki
Honesty Vs. Politics - Jed Davis' Blog

NME - The New Sun

2006-04-07T11:05:00.000+01:00

I just bought my first NME in around 3 years and I have to say... It could have been the same copy. What is it with these stupid publications? Having read the Thom Yorke interview the 'Artic Monkeys' were referred to 3 times?! What has the Artic Monkeys got to do with Radiohead? Then there's a feature on Jarvis Cocker... What is the feature called? You guessed it, 'Monkey's Uncle', or how about the article that features bands like the Artic Monkeys called "Children of the Monkeys'...(sigh).

What is it with the dumbing down of press? We're intelligent people, I think we can handle a little more than one reference point. Or is that all you've got? The problem with NME is that it fails to criticize. It simply exists as a promotional leaflet for supposed 'low key, up and coming' acts. I have never read an NME find that I hadn't read on a music blog six months previously. They're outdated, they're lacking originality and no-one in the place has a good ear between them.

NME is the new 'Sun', Kerrang is the new NME. Prestigious publications such as Ray Gun and Melody Maker don't exist anymore due to stupid people buying stupid magazines featuring other stupid people. Resist from buying these magazines. Visit Borders bookshop and buy the newest issue of 'Little White Lies', 'Marmalade' or some freaky one off fan mag. Leave the NME for the cretins and the tits it was intended for. May it be another 3 years until my next one, hopefully I'll be dead before then.

You Tube Hearts Nornna

2006-04-06T12:18:00.000+01:00

There is a huge commotion going on over in You Tube at the minute. I can't say I know all the ins and outs, or even understand everyone's attraction, but after viewing one video blog I had to browse them all. Nornna is a weird little girl, airing her life, warts and all, via short video blogs posted onto You Tube. Stepping onto the unpersonal platform that is the internet, Nornna lets you delve into a piece of real life. No hoaxes or anonymity, no vague handles or meaningless usernames, Nornna shows you how it is for Nornna. Discover Nornna for yourself -

Nornna tells her viewers (50,000 of them) how popular she is:

Nornna giving it up, showing Nelly how it's done with her Homie Eeyore:

Nornna often films herself doing the most mundane things, such as eating, getting ready for bed, powdering her feet, plucking hairs from her chin or missing her bus:

Nornna invited You Tube viewers to blog themselves watching her. There are hundreds, if not thousands of entries or people watching other people watching Nornna watching Chicken Little? Anyway, the video below by 'james98105' shows the perfect response to watching Nornna:

Hooked?:

Nornna's You Tube Home Page
Nornna Watching
Watching Nornna Watchers
Add to Nornna's Wiki Entry

Cue & Ehh? With Jeffrey Brown

2006-04-05T12:06:00.000+01:00

Those who have read Jeffrey Brown, keep on reading Jeffrey Brown. Like a peak into someone's private diary, Jeff's books are addictive, sincere and best to read while in hiding. Mostly autobiographical, with clever, slow, observant story telling, they deliver tales of misunderstood relationships and tell of the complexities of living. Like some strange ‘literary chick flick for guys’ you can’t help become involved and emotional… But Hey! - That sounds as wussy as hell. He’s also incredibly funny, tells a great manly superhero story and could beat the crap out of that doll made in his image if he wanted to, he just doesn’t want to…

I've been sourcing questions for you that absolutely no one has asked, but it seems that you've been asked every question that there is?! All that's left is 'Have you ever had crabs?' he he... Do you find it weird that some people are taking a great interest in you over your work?

I just had the one crab, Blueberry, the hermit crab. He died a couple years ago, though, and I haven't had crabs since. It is weird how interested people are in my personal life, but then, I've brought that on myself, and for the most part, people are respectful and nice, like friends or acquaintances, so it's not so bad. I'm more private these days. One thing that I think is really weird is how often reviews will review me as a person, rather than the book as a work, or even the 'me' as a 'character'. I take that as a sign the books are successful.

Just heard that they're planning to make a film of Burns' 'Black Hole'. Apparently Neil Gaiman is writing the screenplay. It's not a successful comic anymore until there's a motion picture in the works. Would you object to 'Clumsy' the film? If not, who would you have as the starring roles?

There was someone who wanted to do a 'Clumsy' film, and that fell through, and now I don't want any of my comics made into film, except maybe Bighead. So I guess my comics will never be successful? Shit. Okay, how about Joaqin Phoenix as me, and Julia Roberts as Theresa? Box-office gold.

I've just discovered that not only can you use the Internet for masturbation and buying stuff (to aid masturbation), you can also use it to contact artists and musicians that you admire and connect with them on a personal level. A far cry from the unopened mail, fan clubs and promo postcards of the eighties and nineties. What do you think your biggest gain from theInternet has been?

Being able to check sports scores. I don't have cable, and without the Internet, I'd have to wait until the next day's newspaper to see the scores. And even then, if it was a late game, the newspaper doesn't show the score, they just put 'late game' with an asterix. The Internet not only lets me see the scores as they change, but also player stats and team comparison reports.

Sticking with the net, some of my regular haunts are AckAckAck, Google Maps and Scar Stuff. Do you have any favourite websites that you visit too often?

The Holy Consumption

My friend Kirsteen made me a doll of the parasitic twin that was found inside his kid brother for my birthday. He was a mass of mangled flesh, hair and teeth. He looked to me like a badger, so earned the name 'Badger Boy'. What's the weirdest thing you have at home?

Someone made a weird doll of me once, so that's probably it. You can take its heart out. It's a little creepy. At night I get out of bed and throw it into the closet, and yell 'Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!' and then sit there with the covers on, sobbing to myself.

I have your collection of publications packed together with 'Maus', 'Rehabilitating Mr Wiggles', 'I never liked you' and 'Amy & Jordan', right below my complete collection of 'Cerebus'. What books do you like to show off on your shelves?

I've got a Chris Ware/Dan Clowes shelf, and below that is Chester Brown/Julie Doucet/Adrian Tomine/Paul Hornschemeier/Anders Nilsen/Gary Panter/Ron Rege and some other stuff. I've also got three shelves of disorganized mini-comics.

For a few months now my favourite track of the moment has been Junip's 'Black Refuge’. What track are you currently 'wearing thin'?

Broken Social Scene's 'It's All Gonna Break', although it hasn't worn thin yet.

Speaking of ‘wearing thin’, my favourite pair of Pash flair jeans are on their last legs (pun intended). I refuse to lose hope in them though, until I’m arrested for indecent exposure. What’s your most cherished piece of clothing?

Right now it's this long sleeved brown collared shirt. It's real comfy.

All this monitor staring is blinding me. I think I'll be on my third raised glasses prescription in under a year and a half. I was thinking of what I would like to see as the last thing I had ever saw before I went blind. Any suggestions? What would yours be?

Probably the face of my child, and its mother.

We all know that Morrissey sang ‘We hate it when our friends are successful’. I actually despise it even when it’s someone I vaguely know. I wish the worst on them, from cancer to accidental death. My most recent ‘no reason for’ Arch Enemy is Oliver Jeffers. A damn nice bloke I used to work with in a bookshop. He has become a successful children’s author/illustrator, but yet I hate him for his success, and his rich parents... Do you have any similar ‘no reason for’ Arch enemies? If not, do you have any emotional frustrations that are mostly unwarranted or pointless?

Not right now, I don't think. All my archenemies are in that position for very good reasons.

I quit my job working for a large franchised music store. I am now three months unemployed and on a slippery slope into the big nothing. I read somewhere that you were in a similar situation. (Not the big nothing, the store... Ha ha. It's 'Cue & Ehh?' not 'Abuse & Spay'...he he). Are you still working or has the drawing finally paid off?

I still work a few days a week, so that I have health insurance. It's okay sometimes - I like working Tuesdays when the new CD/DVD releases go on sale - but other times it feels like such a huge waste of time, especially when you see some of the other people who are doing the same job, and you're wondering how they even got hired, yet you're on the same level as them...

I am currently working on a way to be happy and fruitful... Oh... and a music video where I blow my own head off at the beginning with a water pistol. What are you currently working on?

A book about my cat, a 300-page collection of autobiographical short stories, parodies of Transformers, Over The Top and Ultimate Fighting Championship, a cartoon pitch, and some anthology contributions. The usual stuff.

Weird and Freaky Question:

While stepping from the shower you feel a twinge from between your legs. First a tingle at the front, then quite considerable pain around your ass. Looking down you can see that everything is not right down there. Upon closer inspection you realise that you have accidentally used superglue to shampoo your crotch and you have now super glued your penis to your ass.

Further prodding with the aid of a mirror shows that the head of the little chappy has been perfectly super glued over the star of your ass and all the tugging in the world seems to be doing less than George Bush did with Katrina.

The question is this... What do you do next?

The Twist: All this examining has brought on the urge for a pee and a poo.

I get dressed, and go to the hospital. I can hold it in pretty good, so I'm not too worried about that part. Then I write a best-selling mini-comic about the experience, with a subplot of how I'm heartbroken about the girl I was dating at the time.

Falling Further:

Brown's Consumption
Silver Bullet's Badly Punctuated Interview
Brian Palmer (Bloody 'always gettin' in there first' Git) Interview
Samurai Comics Interview
So Hot Right Now Interview
Rise & Shine Interview

Kurt Cobain Action Figure

2006-04-04T01:25:00.001+01:00

First I hear that Courtney is selling half the rights to the Nirvana back catalogue and then happen to glance my gaze at this monstrosity. Isn't this against everything that Kurt stood for? What's next, a Linda McCartney Steak Pie? I give up...

Don't even bother looking here.

Simpsons Film Trailer

2006-04-03T21:59:00.000+01:00

No surprises that it's coming. No surprises that it'll be a big disappointment... (sigh).

Fan Animation of Optimus Prime

2006-04-03T21:44:00.000+01:00

Transformers fan 3DBlashemy has created this amazing animation of the transformation of Optimus Prime. This is making me want to see the movie tomorrow...

Shuffle Receives Complaint From Irate Activist

2006-04-03T15:12:00.000+01:00

Times are changing, that's for sure. There exists a merging of media to life. We are glued to our mobile phones and spend more time interacting with the internet than watching television. What is real and what is not? I can't say I have the answers, I can't even say that I know where the line is drawn.

A little while ago I blogged two videos featuring a crazy dog fighting off it's own leg and a crazy guy shouting at his cats. Today I received a rather shocking complaint from an irate activist. The complaint stated:

'I have reported this site to PETA as well as the Internet Crimes Division and the Humane Society.
This is regarding the Tourettes Cat and the dog on the couch that is possibly tied with string. You should not be showing videos that depict verbal and/or physical abuse of any animal or that encourages such abuse.
I would like to have this video removed and any subsequent videos by this member.

This is NOT funny animal content.'

I was taken back by this. There are two stand points here, I could agree with the complaint, remove the linked You Tube videos, or simply ignore it and carry on. Though doing either would not be in my nature. I immediately replied:

'Although I totally respect your concern. It’s not me you should be emailing... That’s like emailing a newspaper and telling them that they are responsible for the crimes they report. I would advise that you approach the poster from You Tube to find out the circumstances and source of the material. Having researched the Crazy Dog and Tourettes Cat videos any evidence regarding them is hearsay.

I understand that these images may be upsetting to you. I understand your protest.

To help you in your further pursuit I advise that you approach the posting members from You Tube and Ebaum’s World.

I would love to know the outcome, and will act rapidly on any breach of law or offence.'

I ask myself, 'What have I done? Have I linked to videos depicting unforgivable cruelty, placing the animals in far from humane conditions? Having found these videos humorous am I somewhat sick in the head? These videos have been reported on by numerous bloggers, are we all sick in the head?

I can't possibly resist a complaint that I totally agree with. Animals should not harassed for entertainment. There should be no Circuses, no Zoos... But how far should this be taken? Am I cruel because I own two hamsters that, although have a large activity based cage, are not in their natural environment. Isn't this harassment of an animal for the sake of entertainment. Isn't all pets?

The disturbing thing is that although these videos were very funny when I first viewed them, I didn't think of ramifications of them. If it is a fact that the Crazy Dog is a normal dog with string tied around it's leg, then it's probably one of the most offensive things I've ever found amusing. If it is for real then it's probably one of the funniest things I've ever saw. If it is a fact that the guy featured in the Tourettes Cat is tourettes free, sane and maliciously causing grief then that's not funny at all is it?

A disturbing search for Tourettes Cat on You Tube reveals numerous copies. People that had viewed the video and thought 'I'm going to copy it, shout at my own cat and film it'. This is totally unforgivable. How can any loving cat owner think of such a thing?

A search for Crazy Dog raises around twenty different uploads of the short.

I am left with a predicament. What do I do? Do I remove or forget? I reply with a third option. I am going to research the issue and find out the nature of these two videos. As I type this blog I am typing a letter to posters on You Tube and Ebaum's World to find the producers of this footage and discover the truth.

Others that agree with the complaint can email me or post a message. If you would like to be active in the fight against animal cruelty visit PETA. I will keep you posted...

Cue & Ehh? With Nicholas Gurewitch Creator Of The Perry Bible Fellowship

2006-04-03T11:57:00.000+01:00

Nicholas Gurewitch owns the electronic pulses from brain to hand behind the making of 'The Perry Bible Fellowship' a comic strip similar to a comedy sketch show with an unlimited budget. The strip as a whole is an incredible collection of various styles, situations and surreal moments, if there is one thing that holds them together it's Gurewitch's dark humour and beautiful mark making. Sadly (for him) I was able to question him...

Since discovering your website, your image had been haunting me. You bear an amazing resemblance to a young John Linnell.I didn't want to tell you this, but I think you should know that a 'Might Be Giant' might have been... doin‚ the dirty with your mother. If you feel the accordionist is innocent, which famous celebrity would you like to be your dad and why?

Ian McKellen - if, and only if he dressed up as Gandalf. The bedtime stories, playfulness, and general wizardry might have provided the ultimate childhood.

When I was working on my older strip 'the freud and epi stories'‚ I always seemed to be listening to Depeche Mode's 'Songs Of Faith & Devotion'. What song/album/music gets your creative juices flowing?

I can't say a song ever causes creative juices to flow for a comic, but I enjoy listening to music that pertains to what I'm currently drawing. A comic about vampires calls for Bach. When drawing a rodeo, Aaron Copland might enhance my mood.

Perry Bible Fellowship? Is the name something to do with some kind of Babycham drinking buddy cult? If not, what's it all about?

I think I just like the way it sounds.

You seem to become a different artist with every strip you draw. The style is always changing to suit the content. With the Mad/Genius 'fine line' always being referred to, and having your footing on the boundary, which way are you leaning? Are you a crazy schizophrenic or a genius?

I've always wanted to be a crazy schizophrenic. Me too. No, not really. Of course it'd feel nice to be called a genius - I'm just not sure if it's merited for a 4 panel comic strip.

The PBF never back tracks on a theme, but you always seem to feature round-headed enhanced stick people with white faces, beady eyes and a mouth. Do you have a secret phobia or inability of drawing noses, are you just too lazy to bother drawing them? How did their look come about?

I dislike doing more than is necessary for certain types of strips, perhaps to highlight the verbal or emotional details. There's always been something nifty about saying a lot with a little.

My favourite strip of yours (and it's a hard choice to make) has to be the first one that I ever saw. The 'Freaking Vortex'‚ in which an astronaut crashes into the back of his own helmet. Which is your favourite piece of your own work?

Probably those strips in my sketchpad that are too silly and dumb to never work for an audience - if only for the moment after they're conceived. They're never funny the next day. I'm feeling very partial to "Prank Dragon" right now, but perhaps that's because I just finished working on it.

I can't imagine life without 'Calvin & Hobbes', 'Amy & Jordan', 'Peanuts', 'Maakies' and 'Rehabilitating Mr Wiggles'. What strips do you live to read?

I don't live to read any comic, but The Far Side made the Sunday paper a pretty big event in my childhood.

I was listening to two guys on the sub talking about which cartoon character they would be intimate with. One of them mentioned Jessica Rabbit, which I think is uninspired and un-researched. My choice would be Sally from Peanuts, I wouldn't necessarily 'do' her for fear of child molestation charges and local gossip, but we'd definitely be friends and visit the cinema now and again. Who would your cartoon partner be?

I can't shake my crush on Mrs. Incredible. She's such a hard-working, over-stressed supergal. I feel so compelled to have an affair with her...though the reprecussions might involve a superfist in my skull.

What would make you laugh more, buggery or trauma to the crotch?

Trauma to the crotch sounds pretty sad. Probably buggery.

For the purpose of preserving a dying wish. When you go, what cherished item would you like buried/burnt along with you?

My entire extended family.

Your strip often wears a dark edge of the blackest humour. Do you ever feel though that you might be mentally scaring hundreds of children who happen upon your attractive, colourful strip only to be greeted with sex and violence in the last panel?

Remembering this simply inspires me to want to be a better parent for the kids I might have someday, and to be ready with explanations about the crazy world. I would never think to hide my kids (or yours) from the fact that world is crazy. That seems far more damaging.

A Publishing House has actually gained some taste and have decided to release a PBF book. Who would you like to do the forward?

I've asked Scott McCloud to do it, but he says he doesn't have the time.

The last thing I really laughed out loud to while reading was Charlie Brooker's 'TVGOHOME'. That was about half a year ago... What and when was yours?

Probably the other week while reading about archaic scientific methods in A Brief History of Nearly Everything. (Bill Bryson)

Nut Job scientists have decided that there are too many letters in the alphabet. They have decided to remove one but can't choose which. They phone you up and ask you for advice. In fact, they want you to pick because they're indecisive loonies. Which letter and why?

"K", Just to fuc with a certain group of idiots.

Weird & Freaky Question:

The same nut job scientists have decided that since you did a great job with the letter, they will test your extent of submission during pleasure. They restrain you in a swivel chair, your eyes are clasped open, a massage device is attached to your todger and set on full. You panic. Your hands are fixed, but you are able to spin the chair around with your feet. You have a choice of two images in front of you. One is a small picture of an old woman in lingerie sitting atop a rotten maggot infested corpse of a calf. The other is a long mirror showing your own reflection, you can see yourself tied into this horrible contraption, though instead of seeing your own face reflected, the area has been obscured by a picture of Michael Douglas' face in a gaudy gold frame. You can feel the inevitable about to happen. What image do you stare at for the final finish?

I liked Michael in Traffic. He might get my money.

Discover more:

Official PBF Site
PBF Archive
Wiki PBF
Brian Palmer Interview

Gnarls Barkley - What's That About?

2006-04-02T10:49:00.000+01:00

I mean, I don't want to take away any of the glory from Barkley, a character invented by Dangermouse & Cee-Lo, I just don't understand what's going on. How can a fairly unknown track from two fairly unknown artists make download history? Is it just me or is there something strange going on here?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, Gnarls Barkley's 'Crazy' went to No.1 in the UK singles chart today. It was based completely on paid for downloads. The actual single is released tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure I heard the track 'Crazy' about a year ago, or nearly that. I seem to remember that twat Zane Lowe 'Bigging it up' and it being a jingle on his Radio 1 show. Either everyone has gotten awfully trendy all of a sudden, got themselves an iTunes account and actually bought the track, rather than steal it through Limewire like they usually do... or there has been so little singles bought last week Barkley's 17 downloads was enough to push them to No.1?

The music business astounds me. Is this some attempt to push the phrase 'legal download' into the mainstream psyche? Let's face it, anyone that's interested in singles and pop music charts is busy downloading that one good Will Young track from some P2P, or off to the markets today to pick up the entire Top 40 on one CD for £1.99.

Interested?:

The tossers at NME have their say.
Barkley's Site
Barkley's Myspace
The sorry state of music. (Current Top 10)

Karl Pilkington's Book Cover

2006-04-01T03:11:00.000+01:00

Can't Cut It? Thinking of Cutting It?

2006-03-31T15:53:00.000+01:00

Looking for a cure?:

How To Survive Creative Burnout
The Captive Muse
Creative Walls
Creative Depression and Suicide
Tips
Blockbusters

Nothing, Nada... Zip.

2006-03-31T12:59:00.000+01:00

Do you want to know what I find interesting today? It'll not take me long to tell you, just give me a second...

:nothing. Yep, there's absolutely nothing going on at all. I mean you can go look for yourself. Check BoingBoing, check AckAckAck, even go and check Stereogum or Fluxblog. It's all as boring as hell. I usually have an interesting tune or I am impatiently waiting to go see a film, but after checking the cinema of what's out and what's coming out there is nothing worth my time. Sure I have a cinema card that I pay for monthly, it wouldn't cost me any extra to go see something, but what's the point? Am I going to be rewarded in any way from this forced experience? No...

I have around 8,000 tunes on my iPod and there isn't one that I want to listen too. I also have another 2,000 held on my external hard-drive but I wouldn't have taken them off my iPod and put them on there if they hadn't have been shit. Sure I could listen to The Ricky Gervais Show podcast over again, but I've played it out, worn it thin. I've also worn Jeff Wayne's 'War Of The Worlds' out, I'm sick to death of Sufjan Stevens, Junip and I didn't even bother with that Radiohead covers album.

I'm surrounded by rubbish. If you've got anything interesting let me know, though I doubt it. I think that 2006 will be a very bad year for creation and creative people. Wake me up in 2007.

No links... No point.

Isolatr - How did I manage without it?

2006-03-31T12:17:00.000+01:00

Quickly racing past the likes of Friendster (Remember Friendster? ...no?... neither do I...), Classmates, Friends Re-united, Deviantart, Flickr, You Tube and now in complete competition with the big boy, Isolatr is a necessity. One on one, Isolatr is the yang to Myspace's ying. Everyone seems to be favouring the 'No-one's space' of our time. I know, that ever since finding Isolatr, my life has completely changed around. Instead of having to deal with friends, interesting people or people interested in me, I have time to reflect. I can be completely alone without a care in the world. Why... I could die on Isolatr and my own family would never know. It's as close to oblivion as any living self-aware being can be.

If you're interested in seeing my profile or adding me to your community group, use the link below:

[link]

Gervais & Pilkington Video Podcast

2006-03-29T13:56:00.000+01:00

This blog is turning into Pilkington News... (sigh). Anyway, if you're still with me, struggling to stay on top of the Gervais & Pilkington wave, get your ass into iTunes and search in the Pocast Directory for the new Gervais Show Video Podcast. It's a few minutes long and is remarked on as being 'irregular' so don't expect too much. Ricky asks a question very much like the Weird & Freaky Question from Cue & Ehh?, maybe it's catching on? (Update: Available to watch on You Tube below.)

After experiencing the demise of Ricky on The Simpsons it's nice to see him still having a laugh. For me, I think it's time they put an end to The Simpsons. The show hasn't been very good for around 8-10 seasons now. Just because it's the longest running doesn't mean it's the best anymore, infact I think the longer they run it the more depressing the whole affair has become, and with a film in the works it's only going to get worse. There has been mention of Gervais writing for Groening again and even becoming a member of the team... Two ships with one iceberg comes to mind.

For Ricky, the problem is that most Americans want to see him as David Brent. Giving a typical Brent performance with stupid songs and room clearing jokes, Gervais aims to please. Sadly he should have learnt his lesson from his Live 8 Performance. Giving people what they want isn't always the best move. People fear change, they don't know what they want, it's not for them to choose. It isn't all Ricky's fault, sure the script is mediocre and pulls no surprises, but it's also down to the animators who have obviously just sourced their material from The Office. The little goatee beard, the talking to camera and fiddling with the tie. There simply was no need.

If you want to see clever and original animation of Gervais, check out the Bears3 on Gervais' website.

Or these great little animations posted onto iFilm by Dyljons:

Further Dialogue:
Guardian Blog Speaks Out
...again.
What the Pilky Forum Thinks
Gervais On Valiant - Another bad idea

Other:
Windows Media File of Gervais at the Oxanian
Pilkington Forums - The best kept secret
Pilkington Book - Keep it hush

Necrophiliacs Rejoice! 'Porn Of The Dead'

2006-03-29T11:34:00.000+01:00

I'm not one to say that I would want to feature much sex or pornography on this blog. Though having come across, ah... maybe I should rephrase that, having found 'Porn of the Dead' by complete accident in my search for free zombie films online (I swear!), I have to say I'm actually a little shocked. Shocked that anyone could actually get off on this. I mean porn is porn, but when you have a zombie guy who's looking like something from Steptoe and Son with a severed penis getting blown by a zombie girl who's obviously just arrived from her gig with Gwar... I don't know. I think director Rob Rotten maybe misheard 'shoot a zombie in the head' as 'shoot a zombie giving head'. Let's just say I can't imagine it being anyone's aphrodisiac.

Sure, it's probably funny, terrible script, acted out using waif life heroin craving prostitutes, but I have to say that some of the effects are actually pretty good. Maybe too good. Here is the link straight to Page 3, though don't expect Sam Fox. Instead you'll find graphic depictions of zombie loving. There's also some glamour shots of what looks like a zombie nurse. Not so much 'Oh, Matron!' as 'Aaaarrrggghhh!!!, Matron!'.

Dial Up 'M' For Murder

2006-03-29T00:25:00.000+01:00

Those of you not familiar with the substantial collection of copyright free films available from The Internet Archive should hunt them out right now. Being a fan of MST3K, I found a mass of films that they have used to riff over. There are also a few classics such as The Last Man On Earth, Carnival Of Souls, Night Of The Living Dead and The Phantom Of The Opera.

One of my greatest finds is Fritz Lang's 'M', a beautifully disturbing film. Way before Chris Morris (1931 infact!), Lang was using the fear of pedophilia to strike a reaction from the viewer. Known for his stunning sets and clever long drawn out shots, Lang was a master of suspense and horror for his time. Those who have not witnessed 'Metropolis', Lang's Frankenstein's bride of the future film, need to see it to believe it. It was probably one of the most jaw dropping sights I had ever laid my virgin retinas on as a teenager. A far cry from bad CGI and poor dialogue, 'Metropolis' is all about imagery and atmosphere, which it has in abundance. Although 'Metropolis' sits as Lang's finest work 'M' has been unapologetically overlooked. It remains deeply under marketed and mostly unseen. 'M', like Metropolis, relies on a heavy atmospheric tension and the breakdown of the human community. Like all great horror, it uses the mystery that surrounds ourselves to show a true horror caused by the unknowing, mistrust and suspicion. If I had a daughter, I'd lock her up.

It was adapted to graphic novel my Jon J. Muth in fine photo-realistic charcoal images and came with a flexidisc soundtrack to listen to while reading the book. The smell of a new book, the feel of crisp printed pages. It really was an all senses encompassing experience. I recommend it.(Buy It Cheap From Amazon)

Deeprest - 'The Love That Kept The Art Alive' Video

2006-03-28T17:50:00.000+01:00

I'm always featuring other people's work. I figured that I'd do a little self promotion and air the sixth music video I've ever made. It's for my 'Deeprest' pseudonym. This is not for children... Mainly because they'd be bored, but also because it contains a graphic suicide with a water pistol. I don't want susceptible kids out there drowning themselves. The video, not a finished piece, concentrates on the final chapter of films. It begins at the end and although it is mainly centred around credits, still has less credits than most feature films... (sigh)...

Spore -The Game Of Life: Bigger Than Jesus.

2006-03-27T01:28:00.000+01:00

After viewing this 35 minute preview of 'Spore' I have realised that I'm way out of touch with the gaming world. I mean, I struggle to get to grips with Tetris but this is just insane. Starting as a microscopic organism you grow and evolve your species into an interstellar exploring race. 'Spore' combines the playlike format from games such as Pacman and Asteriods that evolves into a three dimensional exploration/world creation simulator with similarties to games such as Sims, Civilisation, and Black & White.

The scope is totally amazing. With tens of thousands of worlds to inhabit and interact with, as well as ten times that in species and forms. I can only describe this as a game of life for life. It seems that once involved, it would become an obssession to develop your creation to it's maximum potential. This game doesn't just allow you to play God, it lets you play better than God. Though jaw droppping, I know that it would be lost on me. I wouldn't get past the amoeba stage, for unlike God, I do not have the patience of angels.

If you're not already busy making real life babies of your own, or flushing them down the toilet, hold your breath and wait on the game of all games.

Interested?:

Spore Wiki
Official Site
Wired Interview with Will Wright (Creator)

Cue & Ehh? With Roysta

2006-03-24T01:34:00.000+01:00

Laura Aura & The Shoy Shoy Boy - I Write No Wrongs with Roysta [Didon't Mix]

Roysta, like some Filthy Santa Impersonator, has a sack to empty. Full of sexual puns, local violence and Certificate 18 observations, the self proclaimed 'Rod Hull of Hip Hop's lyrics are a natural outburst from Belfast, Northern Ireland, a city that the scariest of New Yorkers wouldn't even holiday visit. Dirty Roy gives Joe Foreigner the local insight into the life of an average horny Irish bastard, while providing an amazing mirror reflection of the natives, to the natives. I got the chance to question him, have him 'Dirty Up' one of my tracks and hopefully in the recent future, collaborate on an original track. May god have mercy on my soul...

Recently The Ricky Gervais Show (the number one downloaded Podcast) was moved from a free subscription to a pay scheme. Many will probably pay as they feel the quality of the show will be worth it. You’ve always given out your music for free and in fact, it would usually cost money from your own pocket to post the CDs. How do you fund your music and production? Do you ever feel that you are entertaining all these people for free and not receiving a benefit? And have you any thoughts on the Ricky Gervais show?

Well, I record all my stuff pure D.I.Y. on a computer older than my Da with whatever cracked software I can get my hands on. In a place called 'The Crackwhore Studio' which me and a few mates built in my Ma's Garage when we were all wee Punks and Metallers. We still are. Only with bigger guts and less hair, so that part of it costs fuck all. The only cash I spend is on blank CDs, paper, ink and CD wallets. I give them out free ‘cuz once I play a gig after releasing a CD I make all the cash back right there and then some. I just buy a shit load of stamps and envelopes with whatever’s left over so I can send more CDs out to whoever wants them. If i wanted to make money from making music I’d go fuckin’ busking. I'd be happy to entertain everyone for free, for ever and never receive a benefit.

The best thing that has ever happened to me from sending out so many free CDs are all the e-mails I get from kid's Mas asking how their 13 year old son/daughter got hold of my CD ‘cuz it's the filthiest thing they've ever heard and is now residing in a wheelie bin out the back. This makes me very happy. I've found a way to corrupt the youth thru music. Tipper Gore and yer parental advisory stickers can't fuckin’ stop me!!! Gettin' a bit heated now, I think I'll do the rest of this interview barefoot.

Anyway, I've never heard the Ricky Gervais show, of course I've seen The Office which is fuckin’ genius, but I really loved the stuff he use to do on ‘The 11 O'Clock Show’, that was pure laughing yer kidneys up shit. On the topic of comedy, my fave shit is ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’, Holy Christmas, I wanna make love to Larry David's brain. I once nearly ruptured my spleen laughing at that show.

You have described in the past influential rappers such as Thirstin’ Howl, J-Zone, Ill Bill and Ghostface in previous interviews. What other influences outside of rap have affected you?

For some strange reason I only listen to rap in the winter, from about October to February. The reason behind this is a total obscurity even to my own mangled mind. Most of the time I listen to punk and all it's sub-genres: crust, grind, hardcore, oi, d-beat, 77-82 and it's million other pigeon holes, as long as it's fast, distorted and underground I'm there. Besides that I love traditional Irish shit, Shane MacGowan is one of the best lyricists ever. Drum n Bass, which I used to DJ when I left school many, many, many years ago. Reggae, Dancehall, Electro, Breakcore, Metal, Ska; all get played daily on my shite mp3 player thats held together with Sellotape.

I'm very influenced by Bukowski, words cant describe how I feel about this scumbag’s books, if I started talking about him I'd be here all night. Columbo is another one, I watch one episode and it inspires me to write a fuckin’ double concept album. A Columbo tattoo is actually in the works right now to adorn my left thigh. Also, lots of anarchist writing, Chomsky, loads of Bill Hicks and anyone who finger-fucks the norm. Last but not least, my main influence is that drink sent from Satan’s piss-hole, the drink of the gods, the reason I ended up getting a metal pin in my leg, BUCKFAST TONIC WINE!!!!!! Though my doctor told me to calm down on it ‘cuz the caffeine in it is turning my insides into that of a coffee addict who drinks 28 cups an hour, but what does he know?

Outkast’s film ‘Idlewild’ is soon to be released. There are a lot of ‘Rapters’ (Acting Rappers) popping up. I saw ‘Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ about a month ago and was slightly shocked to find myself enjoying it, especially as I despise 50 cent and the whole ‘look where I was but look what I’ve got now’ attitude of American Gangsta rap. Do you have any thoughts on the film yourself? Did you see it? Do you think rappers should act? Would you be interested in your own film vaguely based on your life? What would it be called, what would it be about and who would you have act the starring role?

I haven't seen that flick and probably never will seeing as my niece used my Xtravision card and didn't return the DVD for about a fuckin’ year, I’m goin’ nowhere near that place again ‘cuz the Roysta funds don’t cover no £100 late return shit. I really couldn’t care about rappers acting, it's probably as good as their rhyming anyway, pure gutter bin shit for the humanoids that think that possessions make yer life better. Fuck that, I rock my shit right outta Primark, circling yer block on a wheelchair with trolley wheels. Back to the question though, I think any rappers thinking about getting into acting should start with the Mexican Snuff Industry, I hear they got great storyboards where you get beheaded with a Swiss army knife and jeggie nettles stuffed into yer lower colon while yer rapping about the diameter of wheels.

A film vaguely based on my life would consist of the shit eating scene in Salo repeated over and over with subliminal splices of the white girl who lives in the radiator in Eraserhead masturbating with a print out of Travis Bickel. It would have an intermission with the rape scene in Irreversible only with the woman raping the man in the ass with a oak branch as a metaphor for mankind wrecking mother nature. Under the end credits I'd re-make the boke scene in August Underground’s Mordom with Beverly D'Angelo throwin’ up over a manikin dressed as Jesus while flicking her clit with a homemade crucifix.

Funny thing is, last year I had a porn flick in production. It was gonna be zombie porn with two female friends of mine who would be painted up like decaying corpses and the male actor would be eating them out, guts would come flying outta their pussies. I had the cash, the cameras, the two girls but no fella. I knew was up for the humiliation of getting fucked in the ass with a strap-on, never mind a strap-on styled to look like a rotten asparagus that would shoot pea soup out of with the aid of the biggest syringe I could lay my hands on. I would’ve had no problems steppin’ up to the task, but the girls were good friends of mine and it woulda been like being ass-raped by one of my sisters.

Trying to source questions that you’ve been asked before I came across this page for ‘Roysta Collies’?!
Is there something you’re not telling us? Are you breeding these beautiful fluffy specimens in secret shame?

Ha ha… I love that site. Whenever my ego is feelin’ a bit low I search for my own name in Google and this site always comes up, if I had a dog fetish I'd love it even more but unfortunately my own fetishes extend to hands, boots and gapped tooth ladies. The funny thing is I actually like dogs, all animals in fact, far more than I like humans. So to share my namesake with this site is all good by me.

A lot of acts similar to you have been surfing the wave of success and reaping the rewards, Acts such as Goldie Lookin’ Chain, Peaches, Avenue D and Zeigenbock Kopf. Do you feel you have missed out by taking the moral stance of not playing by the industry’s rules? Are their any acts at the minute that have caught your ear? I loved acts such as MC Lars, Cex and Gonzales, what are your thoughts on this style of Eminem parody humour rap?

Well when I started rappin’ it was always gonna be a piss-take. What else could it be when you hear a Belfast accent fuckin’ rappin’. With the first 4 demos I done and two CDs, 'There’s a party in yer mouth and I'm cummin.' and 'Straight outta the Psychiatric Ward', I was doing a more sicko/porno style, which was only really to entertain my mates and me. I didn’t really care if anyone outside of my circle of mates heard them.

Then I took a break for about a year, round the time hip hop was turning into commerical bollox, it was all over the charts with the bling shite, which it still is, ‘cuz I was sick to death of it and I think I'd wrote every different way to rhyme about fuckin’ yer ma I could. Then around June of 2003 I decided I'd do one more Roysta CD and end it there, that CD was ‘Dirtcore Deluxxe’. I wanted to do it ‘cuz I'd always loved all the Belfast punk bands like Runnin Riot and Mr Nipples who sang about Belfast. You could relate to it so I wanted to put that into a hip hop CD, only with a sick sense of humour runnin’ thru it. I'd absolutely no aspirations about gettin’ signed, makin’ money, tourin’ or any of that shite, I just wanted to do something for Belfast that was new and that no one had heard before. So I got off my arse and fuckin’ done it.

Some people fuckin’ hated it and couldn’t tell the difference between Lee and the Roysta character, which lead to a falling out with most to the Belfast hip-hop scene. It was a good thing in hindsight ‘cuz I'd rather not be associated with chin stroking pretentious backpackers. I do have a lot of friends within that scene who reap the dirt proper, they know who they are, but the majority of them can choke on my rancid cock. Gettin’ back to the question... I don’t think I missed out on gettin’ successful from doing this ‘cuz it was never the objective. Every record label sucks dick, right!!!

I'm always a bit late gettin’ to hear new hip hop ‘cuz as I said earlier, I only really listen to hip hop in the winter and punk thru-out the summer, so each winter I catch up on anything new that was happening that summer. Holy shit that’s confusing. Anyway, the hip-hop I've been listenin’ to recently hasn't really been new. Shit like Buck 65, MF Doom, Sage Francis, Cage, Ghostface, Immortal Tech, RA The Rugged Man.

I proper love parody style rap ‘cuz it pisses off so many rap purists which is always a good thing with me, if it makes me laugh, I love it even more. Avenue D were always a favourite of mine and it was a pleasure to play with them last year, and an even bigger pleasure to introduce them to the drink of the gods, Buckfast. I should say a massive cheers to Gregz for bookin’ me for that gig, supporting Roysta from the start and gettin’ me all my personal favourite gigs I’ve played, this man is the real Dirtcore Daddy!!

Me and my mate Johnny devised a clever Masturbating technique of Sellotaping two fairly large slugs together by the head and tail and using them as a home-made vagina. Johnny said that you could knock them up a knotch by pouring salt on them during... Ha ha... Your tracks feature a lot of self-gratification themes, have you any tips for would-be masturbators out there?

Ha ha… That’s some back to nature shit right there!!! I've always only used my hand though. As a kid I use to fuck the pillow, like all per-pubescent fellas do up until spunk starts comin’ out of yer dick and you think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be sleeping face down on regular cum crusted fuck toy.

About a year ago I did have a go at fucking the pillow just to see if it was like I remembered, alas, it was shite and I had to return to the trusty hand. A mate once told me of a technique were you fill two rubber gloves with warm water and tie them together then lube them up with K.Y. or something and stick yer dick in between them. This I had to try!! It was all going well until one of the rubber gloves snagged on my ring and the hot water poured out giving my cock and balls 2nd degree burns. The worse thing was that the water had spilled over a new Columbo DVD I had just bought and made the cover all wrinkly which in turn distorted Peter Falk’s face on the front. This made me very sad, as that was my wanking material.

Are you one of the many love children of Old Dirty Bastard (Dirt McGirt)? Did his death have any impact on you?

I could be, that fucker had kids everywhere from what I've heard. His death didn't really have an impact on me ‘cuz I always find it hard to be affected by people I don’t personally know when they pop their clogs. Saying that, when I found out he died from a bag of cocaine bursting in his stomach I came up with one of my favorite punch lines, it goes like this: 'I take my vodka neat, no soft drink mixer for me, ‘cuz I can’t stomach coke, like fuckin’ O.D.B.'. Proper though, he was always my favorite MC from the Wu along with Ghostface and I take it now that he's dead we'll have to endure a lifetime for shite collabs of him that some producer has made with one of his old verses over a shite R’N’B beat.

I would say Kool Keith would be a good Godfather for you, who would be your choice be, and why?

Kool Keith would be a good one, he could rap to me at bedtime and I’d have the most disturbing dreams a human could hope for. My choice would be Bukowski ‘cuz there would always be an endless supply of hard booze to steal and an endless queue of loose women to take my pick from.

Could you say you have an ultimate number one favourite song? What is it? What would you say your favourite track/album has been recently?

My all time favorite song changes daily, from Spazz – ‘Lets fuckin’ Go’ to Rugged Man – ‘Stanley Kubrick’ to The Slits – ‘Heard It Thru The Grape Vine’ to Crass – ‘Do They Owe Us A Living’ to Thristin’ Howl – ‘I Still Live With My Moms’. All them are in my top ten anyway. My favourite recent album would be Kegcharge – ‘Sadistic War Glory’. Pure fuckin’ D-Beat, or the Nuclear Death Terror one. I think that’s a demo but it's fuckin’ class, leek!!

Weird and Freaky Question:

O.K. First Part: Who’s your favourite star/actor/performer that you really like/fancy/love?

Performer Belladonna. I've got something for gapped teeth girls. Holy shit. Or train track braces are the fuckin’ jizzness as well. I am always attracted to girls who don’t look normal, fucked up faces, broken noses, squints, shit like that. I don’t know why? I think I'm just a pure weirdo.

Second Part: Imagine a Frankenstein experiment. Belladonna and your mother are strapped into restraints on two tables and their minges are removed. They are swapped over and stitched back on the other’s body. Which one would you go down on? Your mother with Belladonna’s muff or Belladonna with your mother’s muff?

I take on both of them fucks at the same time and swap from eating one out and fuckin’ the other and vice versa. I mean come on, when you gonna get an opportunity like that again in yer life? Plus I'd do it while wearing a coat made from the skins of 1000 MC's and a Burger King happy meal hat, just to insult my own principles. I'm always up for a bit of self-dignity-abuse.

Belladonna and your mother can each feel their own private parts. So if you go down on the star your mother would feel it and be moaning. Would this change your mind?

Ha ha… Nice twist, but it wouldn’t matter to me. I'd just pretend in my mind it was all a metaphor for mankind’s incestuous love of cosmetic perfection and the morbid self pleasure of fuckin’ Mother Nature of all she's worth…

Further Grooming:
Roysta's Site
Roysta's Myspace
Rap News Interview

Karl Pilkington's Fridge

2006-03-22T12:46:00.000+01:00

Those of you, like me, who are growing weary of the Ricky Gervais Show have felt a little disillusioned and lost. Well, cry no more for some clever soul has found a hidden easter egg off Ricky Gervais' website. This little gem is a short film about Karl's problems with Tradesmen. I'll not say too much more, but it's nice to see a bit of classic moaning.

If Karl at home is not your cup of tea, try him at work...

To finish you off, a behind the scenes look at the creation of the show taken from the Richard & Judy Show.

Please No Moore!

2006-03-15T18:42:00.000+01:00

It always pains me to see a creator's work dragged away from them for the sake of blatant greed. When will publishing companies learn that if you alienate the creative people behind your success you will no longer become successful? What shocks me the most about the recent installment of the Alan Moore vs. DC war (Believe me... It is a war), is that it's not only got to the point were Moore has requested his name to be removed from the films his stories inspire. He's also requesting his name from the very product he created in the first place?!

Rather than quote details of The Beat's interview with Moore I suggest you read it yourself. Read.

Further Viewing:

BBC's Culture Show (Thanks to John)
Moore's Vendetta
Moore vs. Constantine
Wiki-Moore
Lying in the Gutter
Official Movie Site
Ain't it Cool's Script Review
Rotten Tomatoes' Reviews

Mars Rocks, Earth Sucks

2006-03-14T00:12:00.000+01:00

Bored of spying on your neighbours with Google Maps? Why don't you spy on your astronomical neighbours with Google Mars?
"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one" he said, but that doesn't stop you sourcing the lander sites, infrared and elevation views and looking for Marvin the Martian's penthouse suite.

Cue & Ehh? With Camel

2006-03-09T21:14:00.000+01:00

Camel - Pink Snails

I stumbled across Camel and was instantly attracted to her sound. Like the second cousin of Feist, the sister of Gravenhurst, or the quiet friend of The Moldy Peaches, Camel's creations are a close, revealing whisper of something unexplainable. Not one to say too much, I managed to squeeze some meaningful lowercase words from her. Cherish each and every syllable...

Hi Camel, you seem to have a curtain of mystery around you, can you tell me a little about yourself?

ummmmmm, well i am camel. hello. i am 21 and I have lived in Belfast since September... ummm ok, things about me... i study philosophy, i wish i could live in the sea, but i'd drown... i'm not scared of anything except prescription drugs... i dream of travelling to south america one day, maybe in an ice cream van.

You portray a person illuminated in a poetic aura. Does poetry play a lot in your life? If so do you have any favourites?

that's quite a lovely thing to say... this is madness. yes i like words, i've read some of my stuff, sometimes in Belfast.. but i don't have any favourites... well I do love Sappho.

Leading on from the poetry I had noticed that you have quoted a few strange books in your blog. Do you spend a lot of time reading and is there any one publication that you'd say has affected you or influenced you?

wow... there's lots and lots and lots.. i love stories. i collect fairy tales and i spend a lot of time reading those, old folk tales or myths from different parts of the world. i think it's interesting... but there isn't one in particular... Andrew Lang's coloured fairy books are wonderful, he's collected so many stories.

Right, on to the music; Listening to some of your songs I'm reminded of the likes of Cat Power, Joni Mitchell and Cocorosie. What artists have played a major part in the development of your own music?

what music?! this is such madness! i'm sorry but i am not a musician and i can't think how to answer that.. because, there isn't any development to speak of... i've only recorded a few 'songs' and i just did them very quickly and it was just about fun for me... i mean, it was never about the end result. I just wanted to see if i could make some songs...
um... I've not heard Cat Power, but yes, i like the other two.. i like so much i don't know where to start. i don't know if my song things are even influenced by anyone except me and my thought trails...

I'm currently enjoying the ad for Ask.com (If you don't ask you don'’t get); it gives me a fuzzy feeling inside. What makes you smile?

this is an insane question. loads of things make me smile. o dear, o dear, sorry... i'm not very good at this am i..?
ok, people make me smile, and insects, and dancing... making friends and hearing their stories, being with my brother and sister, oh... i love watching horny pigeons. i can watch and smile for hours.

Are there any other tracks available apart from those featured on your myspace site? Can other material be purchased from you?

no that's it. i mean i have lots of barely audible ideas and stuff that i recorded in my room. like little fuzzy pieces of songs, but no complete ones. it really is just fun, i do not have any plans for a musical career!

How do feel the Internet plays as a promoter of music? Do you feel you have benefited from it or been hindered by it?

i buy music from internet. it's quite a wonderful thing.

Your recordings are very raw which leads to a more emotional mental picture of you as an artist. How do you record and what'’s your usual method of writing a song?

words + sounds.

I've found myself really enjoying '‘Deal or No Deal'’, a pick a box game show hosted by Noel Edmonds. Are you willing to share a secret shame?

no

Weird and Freaky Question:

If you had to choose, which would you sit through watching; a dog eating the eye from a cat's corpse or a cat chewing the jaw from a dead dog?

the jaw of a dead dog chewing the eye from a cat's corpse.

oo, that could be a song...

x x x

Further Viewing:
Camel's Myspace - Discover 3 more tracks.

Have A Nosey At Nosferatu

2006-03-09T19:59:00.000+01:00

One of my best tricks at Halloween is to put some silent films on the television, turn the sound down and cover the whole creepy production in a mess of fake cobwebs. This allows you to play your best Halloween Mix Playlist with a great visual accessory. It works a trick or treat. One of the best films to do it with is Nosferatu, which is now available through Google Video to watch in it's entirety... Lucky you.

(Thee best film is 'Hasan')

Cue & Ehh?

2006-03-08T13:51:00.000+01:00

'Cue & Ehh?' will be a permanent part of the furniture within Shuffle. Containing questions and answers (funnily enough) it will feature up and coming and established artists, performers and genuinely interesting people. Having already been a local hit within printed media due to it's 'Weird & Freaky Question', 'Cue & Ehh?' will ask the questions that you would love to hear answered and one that you'd rather not be asked.

The Simpsons

2006-03-06T17:10:00.000+01:00

Probably one of the finest television series, and the longest running American Sit-com, 'The Simpsons' is getting a facelift. Apparently the 'real life' Simpsons intro that is spreading throughout the web is to feature as either the new beginning of the show in future episodes or as one of the intros. It's not exactly clear the reason to making it other than promotion of the show's 17th series. It was cleared by Matt Groening, the show's creator, filmed in Britain, (Which is why Maggie and Marge are the other way round you sad sad people) and is expected to air sometime this month.

Related:
Simpsons Unplugged
The Real Simpsons House
Simpsons Maker
Lego Homer
Lego Bart & Milhouse
Simpsons Archive
The Official Site

Crazy Bitch, Crazy Dog & Crazy Cat Man

2006-03-05T18:02:00.000+01:00

You have had to be living in a matt black painted bubble to not have seen the Natalie Portman Rap from Saturday Night Live. I mean, as slightly entertaining as it is it's not exactly the greatest piece of comedy ever produced. That title goes to Crazy Dog.

The disturbing thing about this footage is that it's been rumoured that string was tied around the dog's foot and it is in fact, being taunted by it's owner. This may be the case, it's not improbable. It looks fairly plausible, and if you view it with this in mind it somehow reduces the comedy value. So what are we left with? Either a clip of a body dysmorphic dog attacking it's untrustworthy left leg or someone who's trying to make us think that this is the case. Maybe the dog is not the only one having it's leg pulled?
If dogs aren't your thing you could have a look at 'Tourettes Cat'. Footage of an expressive guy trying to communicate with his cats. I don't know if the cat's are picking up on the subtleties of his remarks. He's not exactly Doctor Doolittle but he is many times funnier than Doctor Doolittle starring Eddie Murphy.

One last thing on 'You Tube'. I am always amused by how angry some of the comments are that are left from unamused viewers. What do these people want for nothing? One comment regarding two teenage girls miming to the Pixies 'Hey' stated "I hope you both get breast Cancer"?! Or two kids faking a ghost haunting in an attic receiving, "Morons... Why don't you and your specky girlfriend fuck off". One of my favourites though is a non abusive comment to a young guy skillfully playing the Simpsons theme on an acoustic guitar to an almost classically trained standard. It reads; "Wow. Give me the Guitar Tabs for that. I command you..." ha ha....

A Gold Man For Silverman

2006-03-03T12:18:00.000+01:00

There is very little that can be said when it comes to Sarah Silverman. Mainly because she's great, and that doesn't fill up a lot of time. I posted earlier about her but felt that it simply wasn't enough to put her in with a bunch of funny stuff that I think everyone should check out.

Silverman, who is 35, holds the perfect hand in a game of comedy poker. She's experienced but looks youthful, she's sexy but always 'dirtying' herself, and she draws no lines when it comes to something being funny. Her off tangent mind finds fun in race issues, the holocaust, aids and the mandatory toilet talk.

Her film, 'Jesus Is Magic', is still to be released with no sign of a date or even a season. Recently completing a Comedy Central Pilot she's still on the up and up.

One thing always startles me with American Comics though. They always work the same material for years on different shows and appearances. Finding Silverman material has churned up a lot of reworking of the same joke. Comedians attend Letterman or O'Brien and instead of having a conversation where they may say impromptu funny things, they don't really participate and simply work in jokes from their act. Much different than British comics who would work impromptu and would be known for their quick wit rather than particular jokes.

That's not downsizing the vast genius that is Sarah Silverman, it's merely criticizing the way promotion of comedy material is handled in the States. There is a handful of other Silverman clippits on You Tube, including the controversial Aristocrats appearance.

Update: Silverman is to feature in Observer Woman Magazine in the 12th March edition. Looks like the UK media is finally catching on to her talents.

aCOMEDYtion

2006-02-19T17:34:00.000+01:00

Comedy, for a long time, has been stripped and whittled down to it's bare essentials. Simple character development, a straightforward story and a series of obvious, predictable observations and reactions. Fortunately for us those times are changing. With complex shows such as 'Extras' and 'Curb Your enthusiasm' our comedy tastes are being refined to a much fuller flavour. Of course shows such as 'The Simpsons', 'Seinfield', 'Cheers' and 'Friends' will always have a mark on the defining of the genre when it comes to TV, but they have and will, end and be reduced to re-run filler for low viewing times in the channel's schedule.

Amazingly it's shows like 'Scrubs', 'My Name Is Earl', 'Peep Show', 'Family Guy' and 'South Park' that are calling the shots. Low hitting but consistent, getting by on nothing but fine writing and excellent character development. Personally, 'South Park' has been the most surprising of the cartoon comedys. Simply getting by on toilet jokes, shock tactics and celebrity bashing for years the show has matured, and although carrying on the boyish tradition of those jokes, 'South Park' has developed into a clever, quick responsive satire.

Outside of television you have radio. Which is basically television before it becomes television. A forerunner for shows such as Chris Morris' 'Brasseye', Steve Coogan's 'Alan Partridge - Knowing Me, Knowing You' and the platform for comedian development. Gervais & Merchant, The Mary Whitehouse Experience, Morris and Noble. The addition of podcasting has opened the opportunities for finding great shows but has also clouded those shows with thousands of bad shows to hunt through.

After television and radio you have stand up. My favourites have got to be David Cross and Sarah Silverman. Although Cross has ruined his reputation with some awful sketches and bad cameos his stand up is untouchable. Silverman has little available, but a search on a P2P will deliver something and if it's anything with Silverman, it definitely is something. With her DVD 'Jesus Is Magic' on the verge of release and world domination, her appearance in 'The Aristocrats' getting around via word of mouth and her Conan O'Brien interview making headlines, Silverman is one to watch.

Unfortunately, apart from Gervais, British soils have been very comedy dry this past year. Morris and Brooker's 'Nathan Barley' had it's moments. If you're a fan of comedy you must own 'TVGOHOME', a tremendously funny Radio Times parody by Brooker. It's selling for insane amounts on the net. I found my copy in Oxfam for £4.00 so it's worth hunting for. Morris has also been seen in 'The I.T. Crowd'. A real over-hyped let down from the creators of 'Father Ted'. If you miss Father Ted I would steer clear from this show and buy 'Big Train', a funnier sketch based show with all your favourites from 'Jam' & 'Spaced'.

No links with this one as you'd be better off Googling them and searching your P2P for examples.
If you couldn't be assed you could always go and make a South Park Character of yourself.

FK U Google Maps & Fk U Everyone!

2006-02-16T03:22:00.000+01:00

What do you do when someone invades your privacy in such an astonishing way, to such an insane level that you are awe struck at the detail to which you can view your house and back garden?

You tell them to go fuck themselves. That's what you do. You take yourself and few friends to the public park. You journey to the back of that park to the rarely used gravel pitch. A pitch that you once saw a little girl be thrown across when a swing ride at a travelling fair broke and sent her hurtling into the air. You drag your feet through that gravel revealing the dust and dirt below. You speak your small mind.

Fine, so maybe it wasn't done especially for a satellite to take a snapshot and display it to the world. Maybe it's not even man-made, maybe it has been created by the same aliens that have marked circles in farmers fields. Maybe they're fed up with being subtle, decided to stop with the cryptology and tell us all to 'go fuck'.

Further Viewing:

Google States - Go look at your trailer park.
Google Kingdom - Check out the mess of your Council Block.
(Remember to Satellite it!)

"Aw Raugh" - Karl Pilkington

2006-02-13T14:59:00.000+01:00

There is a phenomenon crawling it's way across the planet. It's roots may have been planted by Comedian, Writer and Actor, Ricky Gervais, though the stem and flowers are most definitely Idiot Savant, Karl Pilkington. The number one downloaded podcast, 'The Ricky Gervais Show' is not a new format for Gervais, co-writer Steve Merchant and Pilkington, infact it's a very well worn format that first aired on Gervais and Merchant's Show on XFM. Featuring reconstituted formats such as 'Monkey News' or 'Knob News' the show has really only one aim; Ask Pilkington a question and sit back and listen to the reply.

Now on it's 11th Episode in a number of 12, the show had already started to droop with interspersed Channel 4 ads, a regular reading of Pilkington's diary and the increasingly unbelievable monkey career positions in our society. Losing it's appearance of an unscripted, unplanned and conversation based show is the podcast's downfall. Although the format always had the definite resemblance of the radio style banter between songs from which it first arose, it always had the benefit of containing no ads or songs. The show simply existed as a series of infrequently edited portions of themed conversation. Conversations between dry quipping, straight man Merchant, the stupid, ill thought out ideas of Pilkington, and middle man Gervais tipping to and fro from intelligence to frustration to uncontrollable laughter.

With one show to go I hope that the show goes out with a bang rather than a flutter, similar to it's predecessor XFM show when Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington finished early so that Gervais could make an utter embarrassment of himself on the Live8 stage. I have been an eager listener, now finding myself waiting up Sunday night to download the show Monday morning (around 00:03) to listen to in bed. I have had moments of sheer disbelief, joy and repulsion, all coming from a great piece of free entertainment.

My favourite moments all arise in episode 4. Conversations about giving a goat to the poor as a charity gift for a friend or family member leads to Pilkington summing up that there would be three unhappy parties. The gift receiver getting a non-present, the receiving family not being able to feed another member, and the goat, being 'happy over here and then getting over there to barren land'. Or Pilkington's un-interest in space exploration due to him 'not even visiting Scotland yet' saying, "why look in other back gardens when you haven't had a look at your own". All funny, but only a run up to what has to be the funniest segment of the series, Pilkington's inability to choose a super power and find a valid use for it.

Further 'Gripage' 'Bungled' below:
Reader Recommended Karl Pilkington Fansite
Wikilington
Gervais' Website Feature
Bears3 Shorts - Requires Quicktime though.
Meet Karl Pilkington from Politics DVD
XFM Archives
Downloadable XFM Episodes
Animated Monkey News
Knob At Night T-Shirt
Karl's Gob T-Shirt
Monkey Wire - Huge Monkey News Archive

Ouija Podcast

2006-02-08T14:49:00.000+01:00

Finally, the Ouija Podcast is ready for it's first listen. A six episode limited series the podcast features recordings of documentary style horror drama. A kind of Blair Witch for your ears. As the series progresses it'll feature more members and a variety of haunted sites.

View iTunes Listing

The Worst Of The Web

2006-02-06T10:49:00.000+01:00

If you haven't heard of the Million Dollar Homepage by now you're probably not going to. Just another hyped marketing idea from the glorious lows that are forcing their way into your home via the net. One of the problems with this idea is not the fact that it made quite a considerable amount of money for student Alex Tew, it's that visiting the site and browsing the advertisers shows the lowest of the low in company ideas, internet scams, gambling and dating services. What an awful awful site. Cancer cures, loans, porn, promises of free gifts... why would anyone want to visit this site? Why would anyone want to click any link on this page?

It brings tears to my eyes when things like this manage to take off. I understand why they have. Lets face it, advertising pays well and must work. Reports from advertisers on the site suggest their traffic went sky high when they bought their pixels. That's if it wasn't Tew's family members & friends quoting to push their investment along. Money makes money and if it had been left up to Tew to raise the awareness without the family funding he'd still be like so many other students. Poor and surfing debts of £10,000+.

Like Morrissey suggests, I do hate it when my friends become successful, I also hate when absolute strangers find success in promoting down right abhorent values without creative merit or intellectual value. It seems that the web holds nothing for me anymore. Blogs about nothing, Link sites to useless information and fads that are simple, ill thought and annoying.

Can you believe that when Peanut Butter Jelly Time was parodied in Family Guy by Brian to cheer Peter up I had no idea what the reference was? Oh, how I long for those days of innocence. Days before the hamster dance, days before the mockery of some fat kid. When fads were material. Coca Cola Yo Yos, lo lo balls and Bermuda shorts with pink thermal colour change t-shirts. Gone are the days of innocence when we thought that something was popular because a lot of people liked the idea. We all now know that something is popular because a lot of money was invested to market it to the public. The music charts for instance. Does anyone really believe that the most of the acts featured in today's charts are anything but a marketing ploy to steal the pennies from children?

Fortunately though times are changing. With the over marketing of these products and the overwhelming greed of large businesses, our youth have been forced into a knowing corner. Our children are no longer stupid to the fact that a free gift is given for other reasons than it being free, that all these companies are begging for their cash. The demise of popular music and music sales in general, not to mention the fall of Smash Hits magazine is proof that music could be changing. Will we see a full circle in advertising and the products we buy? I certainly hope so. I read recently in a article in some free travel paper that Coca Cola and Pepsi have arranged to remove children from their ads, and are being forced to remove fizzy drinks sales and vendors from our schools. Maybe it's time for company ethics. We have that right to choose. It's our money, our hard earned cash that these scam businesses are picking at. Visit ethical sites with morals and reason. Buy ethical products from empathic companies. Our money can lead the market.

Look for skill and talent in an idea, is it hard earned? Hard earned ideas are worth hard earned money. It's your call. I hope that by highlighting these ideas and making not only you, but myself in the research, aware of the ideas, that we will find hope and reason to this world for sale.

Role Playing - The New Folk, Which Was The New Black.

2006-02-05T00:36:00.000+01:00

It appears that one of my secret shames is finding a new generation of social outcasts to huddle under it's wing. When I was a young teen my only vice was comic books and role playing games. Sure I played D&D and sure I played Gurps too. I also had a bad moment with Star Wars, Marvel and Champions. I don't want to even speak of Teenagers from Outer Space. Galaxy High it wasn't.

Through all these games I was trying to re-live that first feeling of an over active imagination delving into role playing. An experience from what I consider to be one of the most exciting, clever and enjoyable RPGs ever, 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and other strangeness' or 'TMNT' to those in the know. TMNT was a game were a character (usually a mutant human/animal hybrid) was created initially through chance dice roles to exist in a world were everyone hated and/or feared them, were they lived a life of hiding and rarely had the chance to flirt or do normal things. A weird concept for a fantasy game, probably one that you would consider to be a little un-fantastical.

I remember playing a russian turtle (a very lucky dice role) for a while. Called Gorbachev, he was an insensitive moron with little feeling for others, no love for life, usually depressed and a loner. Having poor language skills I was only allowed to hear a few words from spoken sentences from my team mates. This usually lead to me doing the wrong thing or making war with everyone I met. Consequentially I died fairly early on.

My friends and I bought other add-on supplements. One I remember, a time travelling book called 'Transdimensional TMNT'. It was full of weird machines and old weapons. I remember it having a fairly rough, though interesting time line of the earth which had led predictions into the future. I ended up playing an Ankylosaurus, quite large, slow and stupid. Other characters included a floating humanoid with a white baby face and a huge head. The drawings were beautiful. Eric Larsen I believe... but now I'm boring you.

If you couldn't be bothered with the whole thinking and imagining there was always Fighting Fantasy Books. These 'Choose your own adventure' books were so popular when I was still at primary school. Flicking from page to page, making a choice, picking a number, you would guide your character through numerous possibilities to their inevitable death. The great thing about these books was if you cheated, (Via way of having a look at the choice, and if it was a death or a bad choice, just flick back to the previous paragraph and choose another) you were only cheating yourself. So?

Anyway... What was I talking about? Oh Yeah... Role Playing has now gathered it's fans again. Sure it's still very uncool. Sure it's probably just thirty somethings like myself trying to find our youth, and sure it's really not going to last. The real shock comes from the growth of the World of Warcraft series. So many people are living their lives in a fantasy world. Wasting thousands of hours chatting, exploring virtual environments and even trading and purchasing virtual items/people from Ebay.

One of the latest fads from this genre has been the Leeroy Jenkins phenomenon. Basically a short film showing the demise of a group of players due to one man's stupid actions. I have to say that I don't really know how the game works but when I watched the video I thought it was pretty funny. Being a troller who loves going onto chat sites to get a rise out of people. To annoy and aggrevate them, I felt a real joy in seeing the death of this, what can only be described as, group of nerdy bores.
Just Watch

Fear of Girls holds an Office-esque charm. A short documentary style film, it features Doug & Raymond, two gaming losers with a love for a little 'Blue' Role Playing.

What gamer would you be if you didn't own an Ivory set of RPG Dice?

Or you could try and sue for the death of your geek son.

I know what you're thinking, can I sink any lower? It's the internet, there's no end to the depths of depravity, apparently porn is quite popular. More on that another time...

Flying Spaghetti Monster

2006-02-03T12:42:00.000+01:00

I hate to say it but I think Bobby Henderson's Prophecy of an omnipotent 'Flying Spaghetti Monster' may be right. My change of heart? Let's just say cold, scientific proof.

In Singapore, on holiday, I had been taking a lot of photographs of skyscrapers. I was hoping to then combine the images and frame up an amazing long panoramic shot for the flat. I had visited a disturbing Malay/Italian Pizza Booth and purchased a plastic tupperware pot of some kind of hideous mongrel food from both cultures. The sauce was absolutely disgusting. Lets say it was there more for colour than taste, the pasta that was floating in it could only be described as dry. Anyway, I was trying to wolf down this pile of garbage juice and I spilt some of the sauce all over my £550 Pentax. It was a nightmare scenerio, though having calmed down shortly afterward, I realised that it was easy enough to wipe away with the lower half of my t-shirt.

As I was cleaning I had noticed that the sauce had 'lava lamped' the lens. I thought I might as well take a shot as it would probably look cool and trippy. So that was that, I cleaned the rest of my camera up and got on with my holiday. Even through the view finder in my Pentax, nothing looks out of the ordinary. It wasn't until I transferred my photos to paper and CD (In a Boots Chemists in Edinburgh) that I was aware of what I had photographed.

Looking at the sauce lens shot I had seen some kind of tentacled creature, it looked near to invisible and it was massive. I couldn't believe it. My girlfriend and I were pissing ourselves laughing for around a week. I had also noticed it on the CD transfer as well but couldn't see the creature on the stored photo on my camera? I re-visited Boots and asked them if anyone was messing around in the store. They didn't take responsibilty for the tampering, they insisted that that could not happen as it was all done through the Kodak Machine and they couldn't possibly add anything to the image. They asked me did I add a stencil to the photo on the machine. I replied that you probably don't get a 'Add Strange Floating Tentacled Creature' stencil, and that most people would have no need for it.

I decided to maybe try and add it to a paranormal site on the web. The web loves all the crap like this and I wasn't that bothered about my shot. It wasn't as if I was gonna frame it. Who'd want a weird stringy creature on their wall? I had searched a few sites to look for similar sightings of ghosts, cloud formations and weird lights. Then I visited a site that had mentioned the phenomenon of the 'Flying Spaghetti Monster'. I had first smirked at the coincidence but after seeing the resemblence it chilled my bones a little. There was a huge following of this monster. It was very tongue and cheek, and had been created to offend fanatical religious types. Though the picture I had taken in Singapore was definately similar to the monster-god Bobby Henderson had created.

Apparently, through research, the religion worhips this god and believes that global warming is closely linked to the demise of the pirate population. It the 'FSM' religion heaven holds volcanos of beer and a factory that produces strippers. Although an internet fad it has held it's own as more and more people find comfort in the faith. Whether it be through feeling connected or just having fun the monster has gathered amounts of followers that would put shame onto Scientology.

I don't know what this means. Is photographic evidence proper proof to cast off all other faiths and join 'FSM'? Or is religion now just an accessory, the photo above just an add for a beautiful watch?

If you are interested in further knowledge:

Bobby's Original Site
Wiki FSM
The Game

My Top 20 Songs Of 2005:

2006-01-22T16:14:00.001+01:00

I know... this is fairly late. I'm lazy O.K.! ...Also, because I've a lot on my plate at the minute and it's not as if anyone's taking any notice of what's going on here... Anyway, Although some of these might have actually been released in 2004 I didn't discover them until 2005. It's my personal list and I'm fine with it... so you have to be... he he.

Hear (Pun) it is:

1) Black Refuge - Junip
2) John Wayne Gacy, Jr. - Sufjan Stevens
3) Cripple and the Starfish - Antony & The Johnsons
4) Michael A Grammar - Broadcast
5) The Well - Smog
6) Where The Humans Eat - Willy Mason
7) Sunshowers (SearchAndDelete Remix) - M.I.A.
8) The Matter (Of Our Discussion) [feat. Nina Nastasia] - Boom Bip
9) Lost In Hollywood - System Of A Down
10) Wait - Ying Yang Twins
11) Mr. Raven - MC Lars
12) With Love From America - The Congregation Of Vapors
13) Black Horse and the Cherry Tree (Live) - KT Tunstall
14) Single Again - The Fiery Furnaces
15) List Of Demands (Reparations) - Saul Williams
16) Noah's Ark - CocoRosie
17) Die - Carissa's Weird
18) Love You From The Heart - Kevin Blechdom
19) Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple
20) Gold Digger (feat. Jamie Foxx) - Kanye West

Jesus Is Super, Man

2006-01-10T22:23:00.000+01:00

Well it's gotta be everyone's album of the year, few would argue that it doesn't deserve it. Few would not be so stupid. For me Sufjan Stevens' Illinois brings up a lot of lingering points worth thinking about. For one, I was shocked to hear that Sufjan was a christian. Though it's not exactly a crazy thing to have Christian Musicians in the States (Remember Styx... sigh), it's very rare to see in the U.K.. I am trying to think of anyone other than Cliff Richard with very little luck. To have such substantial content in an album by a christian that merely doesn't state: 'You are so Great' or 'I am worthless, and so I worship', is outstanding...
Anyway, one of the stand-out tracks on the album is 'The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts'. This track, although not a direct look at Superman has various insights to a saviour or an ideal of a strong influential 'man'.
When you look at the story of Superman you will see it's similarity to the story of Jesus. Just like God, Superman's Father 'Jor-El' sends his only son to show man the difference between right and wrong. Brought up in a rural community by a stepfather, we are told of his childhood and then skip forward to his manhood (Until Smallville of course). We are also witness to Superman giving his life to save those he loves.
You could say that this is mere coincidence or simply 'looking too hard'. I cannot help think though that Shuster & Siegel (Both Jewish) re-wrote the New Testament to create a modern day saviour...

Further Reading:
Jesus Vs. Superman
Jesus as Superman
Jesus, Superman & Me
Jimmy Caviezel is Both?