Thursday, April 27, 2006

MST3K - The Final Sacrifice

I'm not saying too much about this as I hope to be doing a 'Cue & Ehh?' with Mike Nelson and so have to save all my comedy gold on the subject until then. If you haven't discovered MST3K I advise that you visit You Tube and watch what you can. Become hooked, buy a few DVDs and keep the cult alive.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Scientology - Making Christianity The Right Choice

I can't say I'm one for believing or even one for hope, though I am one for having interest in the methods. Religion for me is the unknown. The dirty word that your parents whisper or spell when you were a kid. How babies are made or how Santa manages to deliver all those toys. Religion is the great mystery.

Let's face it, life is hard enough when you're just trying to live it, succeed and leave a mark. Then we invite the family member who has tourettes to the party. It's there, we all see it. We all can't avoid it around us, with us, on us. We try to talk and get on with enjoying ourselves, but it isn't long before it makes itself known again.

People who are affected by religion are often in hardship, have had some kind of mental trauma, a close by death, whether it be themselves or a family member, or are simply nuts. For those that are extremely nuts there is the nuttiest of all religions... Scientology. Scientology has no history, no vague underlying story and definitely no saints. It exists as a religion for the elite, pay to pray...

Scientology contains none of the romantic ideals of Christianity. No martyrs. No miracles. It contains no good to fight the bad. No parables to apply to our lives. It is simply science fiction theory taken too far.

The Gospel According To Southpark:

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Cue & Ehh? With You Tube's Nornna

Those on the net who have not heard of 'Nornna' have not really been on the net. Since her first video blog posts on You Tube from Jan 2006 to the last in April 2006, Nornna had gained an ever-increasing audience. Whether they be lovers or haters they all have one thing in common. They are addicted to watching Nornna.

In April 2006 Nornna went on a short sabbatical. Leaving fans and well wishers distraught. Sadly this had been rumoured to a few abusive watchers leaking personal information and generally being absolute assholes. Before the sabbatical I had got into touch with her about a video 'Cue & Ehh?', but as the uncertainty unfolded I was sure that these questions would not be answered.

Nornna, famous for her honesty, her little quirks and uncensored posts, reveals all in steadily frequent, prolific and entertaining videos. These videos, uploaded onto the self-broadcasting site You Tube have gained not only viewer and blogger attention, but have attracted the interest of the NYTimes and have also triggered a documentary film in the making.

Spawning a craze of You Tubers watching You Tubers watching You Tubers, Nornna is still a pioneer in her field. Who knows where she will lead us next?

Watch my video 'Cue & Ehh?' with Nornna:

Nornna's post cut short of the Weird & Freaky Question, so she messaged me the answer below-

Weird & Freaky Question:

If you were to have your head and body replaced by two seperate animals, what animals would you choose?

I haven't actually gave it a thought, so ... I wouldn't know WHAT type of animal I would pick.

Watch my original question video posted to Nornna:


Nornna's You Tube
Nornna's Cached Wiki
Nornna Movie Trailer
Autographed NY Times Article On Ebay
Wildchats Asks Some Questions Of His Own

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Boys Who Cried 'Alien'

I really do love the story behind the Santilli and Shoefield Roswell footage. It's like a great episode of 'Only Fools And Horses'. The film of their story, 'aLIEn autopsy', is a nicely produced piece of entertainment. TV's Ant and Dec play a rather more handsome pair, but they play it well and after a half hour, I had fallen into the belief that they are the pair. (Another Santilli/Shoefield hoax).

Although Santilli and Shoefield have come clean and owned up to the faking of the footage, Santilli is still adamant that he has seen actual alien autopsy footage and that their fakery is a 'remake' rather than a downright hoax. Can we really be fooled again? As George Bush has said, "Fool me once, Shame on... Shame on you. Fool me and I can't get fooled again..." Are people really that stupid or is it Santilli and Shoefield that have been the stupid ones? If there is real footage and it has been seen by Santilli's eyes, how could we ever let down our guard to believe him. When the wolf's at his door we will more likely be ignorant of his pleas rather than come running when he screams for help.

Santilli Wiki
Faked Or Fiction
Flying Saucer Review

Pancake Mountain

You know it, I know it. You could say 'We all know it'. Sesame Street sucks. Sure, interracial friendships between those stricken with various afflications was fun for a while. It taught us all that everyone was the same. A large 7 foot bird had the same rights as a homeless, smelly whiner or a trans-sexual elephant. We all sang along to the '12' song and flipped the channel whenever the iron filings guy came on.

There is a new show being chinese whispered amongst the playground creatures. It's not as regular or frequent as Sesame Street, it's not daily, not weekly, it's not even monthly, but it is... worth the wait. At four shows a year it won't change the face of children's television but it is shaking it up.

Featuring musical acts such as Arcade Fire, Go Team, Henry Rollins, Juliet Lewis, M.I.A., Fiery Furnaces and the Kaiser Chefs, Pancake Mountain is carving an indie rock channel into the ear drums of the U.S. nations youth. With Rufus the cheeky goat puppet and Captain Perfect, some kind of... kind of... super freak, the show has slowly gathered together fans to make it to it's third DVD release. It's only six episodes strong, but it's better to have six episodes of Pancake Mountain than 20 years of Sesame Street.

Climb higher:

Pancake Mountain Site
Washington Posts

Sufjan Stevens' Visuals

On a rampage to find something to post about I accidentally stumbled over this lovely little video by 'uhdrelee'. It's such a beautiful song, from such a beautiful album. I think the video does do it justice. I sat hypnotised.

There seems to be some kind of holy war waging on the comments section, but what do I care...

Casimir Pulaski Wiki
Uh-Dre-Lee's Myspace

There's something very 'Gondry' about this 'Apple Seed Cast' video, but again it flows really nicely with the track. I love anything to do with polaroids, so this video tugged on my obsession strings as soon as I saw them. The track 'Chicago' is an acoustic version, one that I've never heard before, very fragile and isolated compared to it's strongly grouped studio version.

Tom Dundee Death In The Chicago Tribune

A great stop animation for 'Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois' by 'antihero699'.


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Jack For The Cash In It...

What can I say that Bill Hicks hasn't...?

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Jodi Fosters

For a while was out of commission, or so it looked that way. You could never really tell whether it was broken or programmed to look broken. Bad links, awful HTML, primitive Ceefax style graphics, crap design becomes great art when it's been created by the Jodi twins.

I was going to title this post 'Return Of The Jodi' but that would have cheapened the whole experience. Jodi is a collaboration between European artists, JOan Heemskerk and DIrk Paesmans. Their creation, a mass of programming and interfaces that exist without functionality, you could say it's HTML Code as art, without aesthetic design or cause. 'Jodi' is a bastard freak of a website, it offers no help, gives no information and exists with or without your visit. It's parents love it, even if you don't.

Jodi Night:

Interview With Jodi
Jodi Wiki

Various Jodi Pages:

404 Jodi - Featuring a vowel filter, rabbits and a virus scan.
Map Jodi
asdfg Jodi
Oss Jodi - Mess up your browser... (You have been warned).
Jetsetwilly Jodi

Cue & Ehh? With Ack Ack Ack's Judson Frondorf

For a long time I had been lost in the surf, you know how it is, you jump onto Google and you type in as many things that you're into as you can, until you run out. Then it's a case of clicking link after link through pop up after pop up until you end up right back where you started; lost. That was until I discovered 'ack ack ack'. The site offered a collection of interesting routes. It aimed me in the right directions. It didn't mommy cuddle me along the way, sure it offered a teasing phrase or a temping word, but think of it more as fatherly push off rather than the training wheels on your bike.

To put in layman's terms, 'ack ack ack' is a link site. A site to which it's creator posts a list of interesting links that has taken him time and effort to find, to share with you for free, without any catches, for your immediate enjoyment. The internet doesn't get any better than 'ack ack ack'.

Judson Frondorf, the creator, is a bit of an enigma. Like a skilled cameraman or talented grip, he works behind the scenes, getting little reward or attention other than a link to his intriguing music, or if you're feeling generous, his Amazon wishlist. Having fed from him on a nearly daily staple diet of 'ack', I decided to find out a little about the cook, thankfully he was more than willing to share. Come taste...

Judson Frondori - Destroyer (A great track from Judson's Set 1).

'ack ack ack' was the first 'link blog' that I had ever visited. Although I love the joy of clicking and browsing through the interesting links, I wonder why the bloggers do it and keep on doing it. Why do you keep doing 'ack ack ack'?

It's not so much a blog as a website. No self-respecting artist/ writer/ musician/ male/ female/ child/ iconoclast should be without one, and I like routines.

You must have seen millions of weird, trivial and brilliantly pointless pages, hundreds of millions of 'just crap' ones... Do you have a favourite link that sticks in your head, maybe a link that you always copy and paste someone new you've met to impress them?

The Japanese sites never disappoint me. Can’t recall the page but it had a picture of Santa Claus on a crucifix...I thought 'Santa Christ'.

I've always wondered what the hell 'ack ack ack' means. I was thinking it was either a lung cancer victim coughing, a crow that's been listening to David Cross, or the worst impression of machine gun fire that I have ever heard. Am I close?

A song by the Minutemen... Also think of comic book styling of the blasting sound of a machine gun.

I've went from spending 13-16 hours a day on the internet to cutting it down to 5-8 hours with uncontrollable sobbing in between sessions. How many hours do you spend online?

I edit akackack from work. So the machine is on all day and I drop in and add stuff every few hours. I have no Internet at home. I'm at a coffee shop right now.

When I'm not online (Yeah, if that ever happens...) I like to spend my time watching MST3K and writing music. What do you get up to?

Build and repair furniture, writing music, media stuff, walk the dogs and a lotta biking.

I love thieving links from Screenhead or yourself. Which sites to you frequently visit for link inspiration and which site to you like to rip off the most?

No such thing as ripping off in the traditional sense. I've traced back coped links for as many as 10 sites and still never figured the origin. Favorites include Digg, Bifurcated Rivets & Delicious.

I imagine that when you finally leave this earth your grave stone's epitaph will be a series of a href links. Apart from 'ack ack ack's address, name one other address that would feature to sum up your life.

On my way home from primary school during the summer, I would suggest to myself that if I stood on a shadow I would catch Aids. The walk home consisted of me jumping street furniture shadows and diving over oncoming traffic shadows. It took me around four hours to get home from a ten minute walk. Did you have any weird quirks or games as a kid?

That's great! I made a Spider-man costume and kept it hidden behind my dresser. I would put it on at night and sneak out my window. Sit in the bushes and just watch people.

I think that if I stopped this blog tomorrow no-one would notice and I wouldn't get a single email about it. How many emails do you reckon you'd get if you stopped?

One, I don't know who from, but just one.

I was talking to my mate Johnny about how guys go on the internet to check something stupid, like an Ebay item or pricing a CD. Thirteen minutes later you find yourself on some hardcore porn site watching sperm pour from a girl's asshole?!... Ha ha. We figured out that an average guy views a porn site every 52 clicks. I manage around 2... (Opening Safari... He he), how many do you manage?

I can't at work; it's a school district so porn blocking is in place. At cafes I'll indulge every few weeks for a couple hours. I was a projectionist in a porn theatre in the early eighties so I'm jaded. I do like

I am starting to detest 'Boing Boing', they get so much praise for everyone else's work. There's little content, and it's basically a 'please feature my site' competition between submitters or some shameless self-promotion for the contributors and their mates. Which site do you hate?

I actually find neat stuff there and I don't care about the self-promo crap. Cory bitches a bit too much about privacy issues when the first thing I realised about the digital world was never keep anything on your computer you don't want the whole world to see. If you have a privacy fetish, stay away from computers. I hate badly designed sites. I don't go back to them no matter their content.

Weird & Freaky Question:

Since it's Easter, I'll ask an Easter related question.

Which horrible scenario would you choose if you had to select one and why would you favour it over the others?

Scenario 1) Squeeze a large chocolate egg out of your ass (like a human chicken) while a group of school children watch.

Scenario 2) Be buggered by the randy Easter bunny while he slaps you in the face with a carrot.

Scenario 3) Be slowly crushed by the large stone that rolled away from sealing Jesus' tomb during his resurrection.

You are very anal... Number 1, ‘cause the object is leaving my ass, not entering and if I was one of the kids I'd like to see that.

Links to links:

ack ack ack
Set 1 Tracks
Set 2 Tracks
ack ack ack Merch
Judson's Wishlist

Friday, April 14, 2006


This post from Basketbawful shows the horrible secret that a famous American drink has kept from the public. I first saw this at Screenhead and I know my posts have been a little lazy lately, but I'm working up a few great 'Cue & Ehh?'s. If you don't like that drink you could try a tube of Cockolada.

Thursday, April 13, 2006


See Al Gore as you've never seen him before. In the cinema...

Moony Bish Compilation

I don't know what it's about but John's likes it. So... For John.

Moon Hoax, Moon Folks.

Georges Melies' Le Voyage Dans La Lune

This version is ruined by an unhelpful french guy saying the obvious over the top. I find if you turn the sound off it's closer to the original.

Russ' Brother Billy

Carrying on my very loosely based science posts, I happened upon some incredible evidence of extra-terrestrial life. The videos of Billy Meier holds unarguable proof that UFOs are watching us and that Olive, famous one hit dance duo from the 90's was right, 'You're not alone'.

Billy makes, sorry, films extraordinary things. Offering proof of alien visitation, he films strangely primative craft performing incredible things. Hanging by a small thread, these craft swing back and forth going nowhere in front of badly painted back drops and over poorly modelled materials. When not being filmed these craft like to stay close to trees for still photography. Very close. You could say 'fixed to'. What do these strange craft want from us? How have they managed to travel on such a prehistoric method of transport? Why do they love trees so much?

Billy is a loner. A crazy loner that hears voices in his head. These voices, the Pleiadians from planet Erra, told Billy to get his loner ass out and get married, have children and hoax some UFOs. Of course believers would have me executed. They'd say that there is no proof of hoaxing. That time and time again Billy's photographs have been found to have had no visible tampering or trickery. So rather than slander the man's good name any further I'll let you judge for yourself. Below is a Google Video of a Meier presentation. If you have a spare 1h40mins, I'd recommend it:


Billy's Site
The Fly

Don't Believe:

Fake Photos - Midpage
Billy Exposed
TV Special
Researcher on MSN Chat

Amazing Machines

Well, there' been a lot of science talk this week, with it being science week, you would expect it. With a successful start to the Venus Express mission I thought I'd find some other fantastic machines. How can you speak of those machines without mentioning Rube Goldberg. Goldberg, the first president of the National Cartoonists Society, first came up of the concept of amazing devices that did simple tasks in a very convoluted way. These 'Incredible Machines' can be spotted throughout the media, and have had a great effect on engineering and machine making, putting his name to the concept; 'The Rube Goldberg Machine'. Although often seen as a novelty, Golberg inspired machines often display incredible feats of engineering, physics knowledge and of a scientificly creative mind. Below are examples of a Japanese TV Show's segments inspired by Goldberg:

Interested in Rube?:

Rube Wiki
Other Rube Inspired Google Videos
Rube's Official Site

Arthur Ganson creates beautiful kinetic sculptures. Ganson, engineer turned artist, turns the mechanical into the inspiring. His works always seem to portray the quiet, secretive life of moving materials. Little inanimate materials strangely animate, tippy toeing to and fro, sneaking and creeping around, he's like the Attenborough of machines.

Interested in Arthur?:

More You Tube Videos
Arthur Ganson's Site
Ganson on Ebaum's

Similar to Ganson, David C Roy creates kinetic sculptures from wood. Using various optical illusion techniques Roy makes limited edition mechanical art wall hangings that are calming and hypnotic.

Interested in David?:

Wood That Works - Official Site With Animation & Video.

Andrew Smith's 'Moon Pool':

Karl Spelletich's Works:

Interested in kinetic art as a whole?:

Great Link List Of Resources

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Cue & Ehh? With Myspace's Karl Pilkington

The 2nd series of the Ricky Gervais Podcast ended last week. I find myself lost and bored. What am I to do? I think of a new Cue & Ehh?:

(I had intended this Cue & Ehh? to be with Myspace's Ricky, Stephen and Karl. Unfortunately after saying that they'd take part, and wasting a lot of my time chasing them, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant didn't respond).

I had also intended this interview to be on the uncertainty of identity. To question the people that take the place of stars and correspond to fans when the celebrity can't. It appears that that doesn't even happen. It appears, for some unknown reason, that these imposters are just as unresponsive as a busy celeb. Scrolling through Myspace you are flooded with famous names and faces. Why are normal people favouring the deletion of their own identity for a fake celebrity one? I know that I would rather be myself with no friends than imitate a famous celebrity with thousands. Simply because those friends are not my own.

It's a lazy fan site. A dead end for research. There is little to gain from these identities other than to read the fan comments. Fan comments that are so misdirected that it's a little depressing.

Then there's the other possibility. What if it is the real person? What if the real Ricky and Stephen had read my questions and decided that they would opt out? What if I have received the answers from the real Karl Pilkington? Myspace had lead to the contacting a lot of the previous Cue & Ehh?s. From talented people who I know are the 'real thing'. People who have time to give a little correspondence to the interested. Sure, they're just as busy as others who don't respond. They just like to stay in contact, like the rest of us. It keeps us all grounded. There are no platforms, just the lazy and the unlazy, the busy and the unbusy, the caring and the uncaring.

Myspace imposters do help us. They help fans state their passion. They show evidence of that passion. It's a big step from the unread fan letter. You can grafitti your love all over your favourite rock stars Myspace, others who feel similar can read it, they can 'friend' you. They spark friendships. They are a place where alike people can meet, converse and feel connected. Maybe it is wrong to slander these imposters for fraud. In a different light they are janitors of microcosmic fan clubs. They have created a vessel in which we can all offer our knowledge, display our love and calm our fanaticism. Questioning them would merely ruin the illusion:

Myspace Karl, thank you for agreeing to answer a few questions, I guess the first question which everyone is asking is ‘are you the real Karl’?

But, but like how do I know if i'm the real Karl? Like, if there's more than one me which one's the real me?

How do you feel about all the attention you get on Myspace?


Ricky 272, Stephen 273, Karl 625.
After having an eyeball at your friend amounts, I noticed that Karl had a considerably larger amount, while Ricky had the least. Is Ricky & Stephen just more choosey? Have you any thoughts on this?

I can't be doin with any faffin so i just 'accept' everyone.
Steve, I don't mean this in a bad way, but you're a bit weird looking so maybe people don't want to look at your site?

I have really enjoyed the Ricky Gervais Show podcast. I’ve given up on music and films in this New Year. I guess I really only listen to the show and browse the web. What one thing have you really enjoyed this year (Jan – Apr 2006)?

I met Derek Acorah the other week, that was alright.

Other than Myspace, what other web sites do you like to visit?

Ananova's pretty good. some good stories there. This fella told me to look at Snopes, that's alright but i don't believe some of the stuff.

I am getting a little bored of ‘Rock Busters’, what are your thoughts on it?

Well, loads of people send in emails with answers every week. but if Ricky and Steve don't want to do it, we don't have to do it. They can bring some stuff in for a change, save me the hassle.

The second series ended last week, I don’t know what I’m going to do. What will you do?

Me and Ricky are working on a book about freaks an that. Some good stories.

When you’re at home and you want to unwind, what music lifts you away?

I like songs with a story but there aint that many about. 'Living for the city' by Stevie Wonder's alright.

I recently had a run in with a very pretentious music sales assistant who thought that they knew the entire history of Indie music. He annoyed me so much that I just went home and ordered what I wanted online. What’s your most hated profession and what’s the reasoning behind it?

Me and Ricky went to a casino the other week. I was playing a bit of blackjack and people were givin the coupieré tips. What's that about? Give us the cards, I'll deal 'em meself.

Did anyone play an April Fools on you, or did you play an April Fools on anyone?

Susanne was making a boiled egg and when she went in the other room I swapped the egg in the saucepan for fresh 'n. She told me off for wasting eggs.

I’m currently watching Attenborough’s Planet Earth. It’s about the Desert. Which makes me think to ask… ‘What’s your least favourite Dessert?’ (Yes, the sweet course!)

I like a nice sponge. Y'know, cake an that.

I did say LEAST favourite but that'll do...

Weird & Freaky Question:

If you were put into the situation, were you had to poo out an animal. Say through some crazy experiment that you had been forced into. What animal would you choose to excrete and why?

Is a bee an animal? No, not a bee, it'd sting. er, butterfly.


Karl's Myspace
The Russel Brand Show With Karl
Pilkipedia - The forum's new identity.
Karl's Book

Monday, April 10, 2006

'Fagazines' - The Death Of Raygun & The Demise Of Contemporary Journalism

Am I the only one out there that remembers the golden era of music journalism? I must be, NME's sales soar through the roof, but yet title after title folds. Unfortunately not into your pocket or bag, I'm talking business folding, a cold, emotionless origami for unit counting vultures interested in money, not substance. I'm not a great writer, here's proof of that, but I was a great reader. There's nothing more rewarding and as close to meeting your idols as to reading a well written article of someone who has. Sadly those days are long gone. Modern day journalists are more interested in slipping in a little throwaway snapshot of themselves beside their headline, than another finely crafted image of the artist they review. I hate to say it, but I really don't give a fuck about you, whoever you are. I know you've got yourself into a nice little earner. Free tickets, CDs and DVDs. Free merchandise to Ebay for extra drinking money. If I was interested, I would read an interview with you as the feature. I never will... You know why? Because you're fucking boring.

You report on others for a reason, because you create nothing yourself. You may state that you create 'hype', I would disagree that hype is ever created, it is merely redirected. It has always been and always will. People are wanting, submissive, unsure creatures. Hype directs us to our similar, it filters us to our tribes. It cleans us of our ability to hunt and scavenge. It un-uniques us.

So where am I going with this? It's hard to say, for me, it's a very swamped minefield to skip through. Having a successful partner writing for a successful magazine doesn't help matters. My words can cut deep. They can fray years of loving with a single sentence. I have no love for music journalism nor even music anymore. It wisps by me like dust, sometimes sticking to an eyeball, irritating, uncomfortable, but mostly it goes un-noticed. I have a love for her and what she writes, I care for her and want to know all I can. I try to hold back from stating it, I somehow try to phrase that I'm not grouping her in with the same people. It's impossible, it's like saying to an artist that they're not an artist and they should not claim to be. I reason with it, I try putting it in a way that she will understand that I don't mean her, but I do believe that 'Modern journalism, as a creative medium, is fucking awful'.

I stated a few posts ago that I would rather die than read another NME. I was serious. I am that passionate about this. I would rather be sodomised by a HIV positive, bird-flu suffering deviant than have to buy a newspaper. For me, journalism is exactly what it states; 'journal-ism'. I understand the cold, non-biased styles to tell of an event or debate an argument, but we ourselves are not cold, we are definitely not non-biased. So why have I the choice of 30+ similar publications expressing, or rather, 'not expressing' this method, yet no other?

The blog is the human way of trying to recapture our instinct to record. I don't want to look back on some lifeless report to discover my past. I want to read a heated, abusive, crying, lost paragraph that feeds me with thoughts. That sparks the first electric impulse to that great 'remember when' story. I want to read racist, outrageous, all hating views. I want to be disgusted to the point of laughter. I want to be challenged. I want to feel myself breathe when I read. I want to know that I am aware, I am lost in the text, drowning, submerged... but at the end, on that final full stop when I resurface, I will have found another little piece of myself.

Very few things impress me anymore. I will not try. I will not want. I do not crave what was or mourn for what's gone. I just like to remember what has been. I have many keepsakes. These are my records. Not a '90 issue of Melody Maker. Not a 9/11 photo supplement. Not a Hallmark DVD of what happened on my day of birth. I would rather lose my life than lose many of these treasures. These are real journals. They tell many stories, explain many things, about the most important thing... me.

Most of my adult life I have moaned and despaired at the disappearance of 'Raygun'. A magazine, for me that held everything that a growing, learning, passionate kid could want. Beautifully descriptive, cleverly laid, with challenging, often frustrating and offensive design. Each month it morphed itself to another object of love and hate. Some kind of selfish asshole chameleon. It chose your most loved and trashed their image to beyond recognition, it hid away life changing quotes, cut words and pissed us off. It chose your most hated, surrounded them in the most luscious composition and design, it compressed their words into some beautiful silhouette, it took a phrase and spent days upon end illustrating it, making it beautiful, making it hard to hate.

For those that have never known Raygun, I envy you, for you do not know what we have lost. I dream of a day where I can forget. A day where I could stupidly jaunt into an newsagents and buy a magazine without thought. I could browse that magazine, taking nothing but trivia in. I can throw that magazine away without regret. I dream of that day as I know it will simply never happen. I wish I could be an instinctive animal, fuck and eat, live for fun. I dream of oblivion.

:But dreams do not come true, they are only awoke from...

Awake my tired, sleepy friends. Awake and yawn. The day holds a beautiful memory in every second.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Cue & Ehh? With John Tweedie (Babel Design)

My relationship with John is a friendly one, though shrouded in envy and jealousy at the creator's talent and scope. For the short few years that I've known him (twelve... has it really been that long?!) he has been prolific, intellectually inspiring, funny, supportive, brimming with ideas, religiously thought provoking and... missing. Like Lord Lucan he has been lost and found, only more than once, a repetitive prodigal son, hiding himself away only to appear months later with more beautiful sights to behold.

It has been said too many times that 'a picture tells a thousand words', though what that fails to say is that those words are usually incoherent, lack intelligence, stimulation and fail to arouse. Tweedie's pictures don't just 'tell a thousand words,’ they tell a thousand tales. Stories as old as the written word itself, stories that have yet to be written. Won't you come read with me...

Could you tell the readers a little about yourself, your training and your aims?

I'm a 38 year-old artist and hermit-in-training from Belfast. Combining this with my aversion to exhibiting gives me none of the attributes that an artist requires. I did my B.A. in Painting/ Fine Art and a Masters in Fine Art/ Illustration (Although the art college didn't notice). Since leaving art-school I have been doing a lot of work using 3D applications and Photoshop but recently have been doing more and more work involving painting and 'natural media".

My aims are to get an agent and to publish the books that I have been working on. For the sake of interest the books are:

- Metronome ( An illustrated history of civilization)
- Apocalypse ( A fully illustrated version of St. John's Revelation )
- Proverbs ( An illustrated series of proverbs/aphorisms )
- Virus (A book of weird ideas that won't go away)
- Sedative (A book of chair paintings/images)
- A Handmade Heart (A graphic novel that I am co-writing)
- I'm also thinking about a book of Dante''s Divine Comedy and a few other comic ideas.

Being an artist influenced by the work of contemporary comic artists such as McKean, Sienkiewicz, Williams and Muth who is treading back into the areas from whence the styles arose, do you find it hard to be accepted by the traditional art lover?

By traditional art lover I take you to mean the clients of current art galleries and the 'art scene'. These people are, in general, interested in art as a product; i.e. in limited editions, small print runs, etc. The notion that a run of 5,000 books are each an individual work of art is anathema to them. It is also an inward looking incestuous world that I am not really interested in getting involved with, unless through an agent. Current art trends also seem to lean heavily towards the confessional, the unedited display of each artists individual neuroses. Blame Prozac, I don't know?

I don't want anyone to see anything but the work I make. Then it's between the audience and the image. I would like to remain out of the picture as much as possible. In essence I think that any creative endeavor that comes with a text explaining how I should relate to it is falling short of the mark somewhere.

Could you name a recently favoured sequential art publication?

I just finished a D.C. collection of the 'Mystery in Space' comics a really classic Ed Wood style space-opera, pure bubble-gum for the eyes. I'm now reading Alex Robinson's 'Tricked' and it's pretty good. I just got a few 'Blab' back issues, which are always interesting. But the graphic novel of 'The Fountain' is, for me, the best looking thing out recently. Some praise has to go to Daniel Aronofsky for reversing the trend of Hollywood stealing the best ideas from the world of comics.

Outside of the Comic Artist field which artists have been major influences on your work?

Well, I studied painting so they would be the obvious people. Raphael, Piero della Francesca, Durer, Giotto, Brueghel, Holbein and more current artists like Ed Kienholz, Paula Rego, Rauschenberg, Richter, etc. The other people who interest me would all be writers, comic-artists and film makers.

You, like myself, were born and bred in Northern Ireland, I’ve taken the artist out of Northern Ireland. Do you think you can take the Northern Ireland out of the artist?

If you can't then that artist is in trouble. I have always thought that an artist should try to have a conversation with as many people as possible through their work. Not just the people in their street or city.

Northern Ireland is a pretty rotten state of affairs all round and any comments I have to make would certainly not help the situation. The people who have the most interesting things to say about any political situation are usually those outside who can take an unbiased look at all sides.

Your work has always contained religious undertones that have not only made me question the representations of belief and disbelief but also shown me the beauty in that conflict. What are your religious intentions when creating these pieces?

Someone, who was much smarter than I am, stated that any societies' God(s) reflect that societies own character. So many cultures have made an overarching narrative that explains their relationship with the universe that it seems to be an unavoidable aspect of humanity. And, of course, this means we can get a little bit inside the minds of the people who prescribed these stories. To understand a bit of the long gone Sumerians and what we have in common read Gilgamesh the king. Then watch Star Wars and guess what? I think the parallels outweigh the differences.

So, for me, what stands out is the similarity between humans and their relationships with the universe. From the Willendorf Venus to Christianity, from Manichaeism to Scientology, a continuous and overlapping set of stories exists. I'm interested in what each has to say about our relationship with God(s) with authority and with the rest of humanity. So, consequently, if we follow these ideas to their conclusion we can trace humanities relationship with the universe throughout the ages.

My interest in illustrating texts is in that it allows me to set up a relationship between the text and the illustration so that they are either in harmony or at odds with each other. This space between the words and images is where the real art happens I think. God I'm boring myself. Next.

Having heard about you developing a visual Holy Bible I was intrigued with the idea. Are you working on that project, is there an expected finishing date and what are your feelings on Simon Bisley’s ‘Illustrations from the Bible’?

Well I am illustrating The Apocalypse of St. John at the moment. The whole bible would take me forever so I am limiting myself to the sickest of all the Bible's books.

I had finished a version of 'The Apocalypse' about five years ago but a lot of the images needed elements that I could only provide using 3D renders. So I learnt Cinema 4D and some other 3D applications and now I am about two-thirds of the way through the new version. My computers speed is a major factor at the moment. Some renders take days. As for Simon Bisley's Bible stuff, I haven't seen it. I'll bet he did David and Goliath though.

Also, rumour has it that you are working with Malachy Coney, writer of Top Cow’s ‘The Darkness’ and Indie Release ‘Major Power & Spunky’. Can you divulge anything about these projects?

Well, I understand that Malachy may be doing a Cue & Ehh?, so I'll leave that to him. He is doing a lot of interesting stuff at the moment.

A few years ago we had an idea for a story that was a re-working of the Daedalus/Icarus myth. Malachy then wrote a one-off script, which he turned into a lovely short story. Since then, due to my inability to finish anything, I have been expanding the comic into an eight issue graphic novel that follows the Icarus character from 'birth' to death. When that is finished, Malachy will look over it again and, if it is ship-shape, submit it to a publisher. I don't want to draw it myself.

You seem to spend a lot of time researching for your work, sourcing and referencing hundreds of images and photographs for a single piece. You also seem to be extremely prolific, creating work after work. Outside of this what do you do with the few seconds left in the day?

Very boring stuff. I make edits on Wikipedia. Watch as many truly bad movies as I can. Play survival horror games, worship the Legend of Zelda series, but mostly I try to read and watch stuff that I can plough back into my work somehow.

When I work I often like to listen to Fudge Tunnel’s ‘Fudgecake’ or Depeche Mode’s ‘Songs of Faith and Devotion’. Do you have any favourite art creating music?

Philip Glass - Einstein on the Beach, Low Symphony. Frank Zappa - Civilization Phase III, Jazz from Hell. Anthony Payne - Times Arrow.

What’s the most recent thing that has disgusted or repulsed you?

That a film has been made of 'A Scanner Darkly' and the producers ignored a script by Charlie Kaufman, which was wonderful. I have read 'A Scanner Darkly' about twenty times and the trailers I have seen fill me with dread. If anyone wants to read how great the film might have been, it is available here.

Its either that or the 'Black Eyed Peas' song 'My Humps'. I want to kill every time I hear that shit. In fact my seventeen year old nephew and I are at work penning a cash-in of our own entitled 'Milk, Milk, Lemonade (Round the corner chocolate's made). What the hell is happening in music land?

Weird and Freaky Question:

You’re standing on a wall 20ft tall and are balancing your way across its 100ft length. On one side of the wall there awaits thousands of Aids infected homosexuals. They are crazed in a sexual frenzy... Pale, diseased and rotting, they yearn for your flesh. Similarly, on the other side lies thousands of robotic crack whores. They display serrated blades opening and closing inside their acid oiled vaginas. During your journey you lose your footing and although try to regain your balance; you know you will definitely fall. Which way do you aim your weight?

That's a tough one. Which group am I more prepared to reject; the zombie mos or the crack smoking fembots? Tough. They're all people too; sort off. Well I suppose I'd apologise to those lovely crackophiles and take a plunge for HIV central. Hey - you still have a weeny afterwards, right ? Right ?

Discover more:

Babel Design
Deviant Artworks

Kraft Working It

This uploaded glimpse of history making from '81 shows Kraftwerk in an different and incredible light for me. I've never been a huge fan due to the pretentiousness and snobbery of their fan base. It's been something, that as an art student, I had avoided. I wish I had have seen this video many years ago and had realised that there used to be life in the four.

I think that standing lifeless behind a laptop has almost made them a parody of themselves. I often think that if an artist isn't enjoying their own music how do they expect an audience to?

It's almost like witnessing four Ian Curtises enjoying doing their tax returns...

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Cue & Ehh? With Beerjacket

Beerjacket - Barricade (Download)

It's hard enough to get heard in never mind to rise from Glasgow, but Peter Kelly has done both successfully. In a world full of singer/songwriters, converted buskers and melloncollie folkists it is hard to stand out from the crowd when you're a solo male guitarist, Kelly has also conquered this hurdle too.

I was first touched by the cuff of the Beerjacket when he put on a magnificent support for Feist. His voice weaving in and out of notes, his fingers plucking each string with machine skill, while his foot stomped the floor or a tambourine with hypnotising rhythm. Excuse the sewing descriptions, but he did behave like a life-long gifted seamstress altering your comfort blanket to man-size for cuddling protectively to keep the blues away.

Enough of me, I'll zip it and let the man speak:

I’m sure you’ve been asked a million times and I’m sure your sick of it but it has to be asked; Have you ever had a venereal disease? Ha ha… no… I’m kidding… Where the hell did ‘Beerjacket’ come from?

A 'beerjacket' is the invisible garment you wear when drunk which protects you from the cold. I like it as a metaphor for any dependence, not necessarily alcohol, which helps people mask their vulnerabilities or insecurities or whatever. It's a bit awkward when people address *me* as 'Beerjacket' though but that's what I get for giving the music a name and attempting to leave me out of it when it's a solo act. People get a bit confused at that. Which is excellent.

I am remembering the awful puffy black bomber jackets from the 80s with Kylie Minogue, Bros and badly painted panther prints on the back. What would the print on the back of your Beer Jacket be?

The idea of a Beerjacket beer jacket has been suggested before actually, but hopefully said ideamongers were joking. A bottle of beer? That's pretty massively unimaginative.

You always seem to suffer the ‘Jeff Buckley Comparison’, (a suffering that Thom Yorke (Radiohead) had to bear), which is usually thrown at every male with a skilled vocal range. Is this ever an irritation?

I don't think it's irritating but I agree that it's largely attributable to the fact I do sing as opposed to just shouting or whatever. I certainly don't consider the comparisons as somethng which I suffer: such comments are usually meant in a complimentary way. I think Jeff Buckley was incredible and seemed to transcend a lot of the restrictions which, especially during the heads down shoutey/whiney 'grunge' years, male singers put on themselves. It's maybe a bit inaccurate though - I can think of lots of folks much more similar to him in singing style than me and they're often intentionally ripping him off! I do consider him an influence but I don't really think Beerjacket has too many parallels with him though.

Last year saw the continuing success of acts such as Bright Eyes, Smog, Gravenhurst and Adem. Ad makers are leaning towards the likes of Vashti Bunyan, Iron & Wine and Jose Gonzales. It seems that folk will only go from strength to strength this year and will find similar marketing success that pushed the likes of Grunge, Britpop, Metal, Emo and Goth to kids. What are your feelings on this? Have you seen a change in crowd reception? Would you ever allow your music to be featured in an Ad, and if so, which preferred product?

The indie snob in me would, if I'm honest, rather keep my favourite musicians out of the public domain so that I can seem cooler for knowing about them. However, in my heart of hearts, I know it can only be a really positive thing that these people who allow TV and other media to decide what they hear or see get the chance to encounter great music, even if it's at the expense of my elitist pleasure! It's amazing to hear Joanna Newsom's otherworldy voice and music soundtracking a mobile phone advert - it's like a satellite broadcast from a better musical planet interrupting the trash media we're familiar with! It makes people realise there is music which is undiscovered (for them at least) which they could love. What's wrong with that?
I think it has affected crowds who go to see live music for definite and there are now fewer distinctions between people who like one type of music and another. Surely for 'real' musicians (funny to think there are those who are not...) that can only be a good thing?
I would definitely allow my music to be used in advertising if it didn't damage the song and, being honest, if it was lucrative I'd be a fool to say no. There certainly seems to be less of an indie stigma now attached to becoming involved in advertising and that's due to the involvement of musicians who have come from DIY backgrounds realising these opportunities open doors to wider audiences. Indie snobbery should not come at the expense of one's ability to make music. Many musicians have to work to sustain their artistic creation and they'd be really silly to reject the possibilities such opportunities could create.

Staying with Jose Gonzales. Many are unaware that ‘Heartbeats’, his most commonly known track, is a ‘The Knife’ cover. Seeing his performance in Oran Mor, I found that most of his stand out tracks were covers: The Knife, Massive Attack and Kylie Minogue. Have you a favourite cover? Would the fine line between singer-songwriter and glorified busker make you hesitant in doing covers?

I love Patti Smith's 1975 cover of The Who's 'My Generation'. Interesting, as I don't like The Who or their version of that song much at all. For me, Smith's reading of the song is so much more vicious, raw and affecting. When she says at the end, "We created it, let's take it over..." it empowers me massively! I feel like going out and accomplishing something - it's totally inspirational. I've considered covers sometimes but I think it's perhaps not something I care enough about executing to justify it. I run the risk of slaughtering a favourite song for one and, anyway, I'd always rather write and play my own.

After having heard KT Tunstall live on Jules Holland, then hearing her studio album, I found that the whole essence of her was lost through the studio production. With the recent release of ‘Accident History’, your first studio album, do you feel it’s portrayed a true nature of your performance?

It's very difficult to accomplish that transition - something that works live might not transfer so well to a recording. I do think a lot about this. I do like the idea that there is a difference though. On a good night, it's quite disarming for an audience, especially a larger one, to be faced with one person playing in the most stripped down, basic interpretations of their songs. It's very direct that way and, without the noise and bluster of a band, they pay more attention to words and can connect more fully with the songs. 'Accident History' is something of a halfway house between the live show and the recorded version of Beerjacket; there're some songs which are completely live to tape, guitar and voice, and others which are more full arrangements, drum machine et al... A good example of someone who I think has a similar attitude is Feist, whose 'Let It Die' I'm listening to and loving for the ten thousandth time as I type. A record which survives and rewards with repeated listens is what I always hope to create. One thing that is consistent from stage to studio is the intention to create something honest and I think 'AH' does that.

A lot of your subject matter seems to involve overt sadness and frustrated depression. Is this all a big put on? I coined the phrase ‘Setup Upset’, a phrase that describes the manipulation of sadness for the purpose to create or gain an upper hand. Are you really at home sipping Pineapple Malibu and playing with your Coca Cola Super Spinner Yo-Yo or should we be worried?

I like your phrase! I'm far from depressed but I'd be a liar, not to mention an android, if I were to say I was never sad about anything. I often don't even notice the words I've written into songs 'til I'm singing them live. When I sing certain lines I feel emotionally engaged with the songs and it's when that connection takes place that I feel a kickstart in my performance. So, to put your mind at rest, I'm very well but the songs don't usually focus on how deliriously happy I am. Thank. God. I just write songs which seem real to me and they seem to resound with other people that way too.

I’m currently in Bed at 12:23 PM because I simply could not be assed getting up. I may get up in half an hour and watch ‘Mythbusters’. What pushes you to get up?

I want to create and accomplish things. And despite the morose tone of some of my music, I genuinely love being alive - what can I say? Sorry?

Weird & Freaky Question:

If you had to have a breast grafted to your body, where would you choose and why?

Somewhere internal, maybe my spleen.

What if it's a breast of chicken? Would it be the same area or would you change your mind?

No, I'll stick with the spleen.

Follow on:

Beerjacket's Site
Beerjacket's Myspace
Everybody Cares Blog - 2 tracks featured.
Live at King Tuts

Little Brother Is Watching

I'm not really one for political activist sites, not that I'm one for politics, but politics online, especially when Bush is involved, always vents unresearched, emotional commentary rather than factual information. What I enjoy about 'Little Brother Is Watching' is it's lack of Bush bashing for laughs. Let's face it, satire in America is an easy business at the minute. Comedians must be thinking they've won the lottery with the amount of comedic material Bush has made available to them. "Little Brother' offers a range of sites to research for yourself and states, 'Knowledge is power. Arm yourself'. It can be forgiven for it's shameless marketing of t-shirts and stickers bearing it's logo due to their value and their nature, though rather than buying a t-shirt to speak your mind I'd buy a Noam Chomsky book to 'arm yourself' to actually speak your mind.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Cue & Ehh? With The Congregation Of Vapors

The Congregation Of Vapors - Esau And His Lentils (Preview) from the forthcoming release 'Zetacarnosa'.

'TCOV' first tickled my ears when I downloaded 'With Love From America' from the sadly dead 'Teaching The Indie Kids To Dance Again' MP3 Blog. The track was different in every way to recent trends of lo-fi folk and muffled garage guitar rock. It was triumphant, passionate and wide in scape, resembling an anthem from a John Williams soundtrack. It's sound; like a spiteful Neil Diamond venting his hate over a political party theme, it was... hard to explain. I played the tune repeatedly, the more I played, the better it got.

After finding more material I was amazed at the range and flair of the Congregation. Forever morphing members, enigmatic, with touch light sensitivity on one side. Friendly faced, knowing and understanding, with an erosive wave of political phlegm on the other. I'm pushed to find a simile that would best describe the band, so I won't... I questioned them so you can discover them for yourselves:

Which one of the 10+ of you am I questioning? What is your role in the band?

JED: You've got three of us. I'm Jed Davis, keyboard player and occasional singer. I also serve as music director, getting the projects together and keeping things cohesive with such a large and shuffling cast.

DOM: I'm Domenic Maltempi. I sing, write some words, worry my comrades with my butterfly knife breakfast dance, but can be counted on to gainsay the most egregious things I'm not accused of. I am the architect of the coil-toy flesh springing up in the jungle-gym veins of our father who played the ARP 2202 in Heavatroik.

MIKE: I'm Mike. I play bass and stuff.

Straight onto 'With Love From America'... My girlfriend Laura gets an empathic Republican feel from it and hates it, whereas I sense a tongue in cheek Liberal stance with a little sympathy for the 'big fat loser kid in the class' that is the U.S.A.. What's your intention with the track?

JED: Davidt, before you show Laura this interview, make an expensive bet with her because you'll win. Everything you need to know about "With Love From America" is in our excessively wordy "HUBRIS NOTES" on the subject: Read the PDF

MIKE: We really love the world. Especially the French. They revolutionized toast and ticklers.

I have the track as No. 12 in my best of 2005. Right above K T Tunstall's live version of 'Black Horse and the Cherry Tree', but below MC Lars' 'The Raven'. Would you say this ranking was fair? What would your 12th favourite track of 2005 be?

MIKE: Mike Doughty's "Looking at the World". Mostly 'cause his name is Mike.

JED: According to my iPod, Brian Dewan's recording of the traditional "Tobacco's But An Indian Weed" was my 12th most listened-to song of 2005. It was recorded in 1993, though... is that a disqualification?

In your track 'Before I Was Born' you state that the lord had cursed you. He cursed me with fuzzy cheeks (the face, perverts), moley skin and a bad digestive system. What did he curse you with?

MIKE: He cursed me with a lust for Rock, and bad hair.

JED: All the things he cursed me with are plainly stated in the song. But shit, Davidt, I'm sorry he fucked YOU up so bad!

'The Congregation Of Vapors' gives the impression that you are a group with bad B.O. (Body Odour). Am I missing something? What's the real reason behind the name?

JED: I gotta apologize in advance for the long answer, but here goes... Mike and I spent a few years in a band called Collider. Everyone in the group was broke, but we were operating under the misconception that to have a day job is to somehow compromise your "artistic integrity" - so we started taking session gigs where the four of us would get hired together to back up pop singers. Suddenly our rent was paid and we seemed to be brushing up against the publicly-accepted idea of success. But I hated it... the music was 100% compromise; it was fuckin awful! And so was the company: the only people more loathsome than pampered pop stars are the ridiculous 15-year-olds who idolize them. After one particularly high-profile but gut-wrenching session stint, I realized that I would enjoy a day job more - because then, at least, I could separate life from livelihood, take the steady income and spend it on projects that are actually fulfilling to me. So I quit the Collider business, went to work in an office and started TCOV. The name comes from Hamlet, specifically the "What a piece of work is man!" soliloquy. On one hand, "The Congregation Of Vapors" is a reference to the hubris inherent in the pop star condition - being one, wanting to be one, feeling entitled to be one. In the more literal sense, it's about a cloud of musicians that comes together in different formations depending on the mission: a band that doesn't really exist.

DOM: Why does Metamorpho open his tunic when the party has been dialed away and it's too cold for sunglasses? No daddy sweats on our olives. We have no father. Our organist is missing polypeptides. What he calls love we call duress. No limitations on creative input was a major imperative for our feral troops; however they ended up swallowing swords on a gorgeous cliff is their business. Sure our drummer loves hockey, but if we needed an oboist who was vehemently against ice games but who fit in with the gossamer architecture, then so be it.

MIKE: It's gas. Don't listen to any other explanations. Dom has bad gas.

What's your favourite smell?

DOM: It's always a mix of leather whiskey talcum fresh air. Olfactory hotshot that I am, I need a lot of a lot.

JED: Chanel No. 5 bath powder. I used to hang out with a junkie who wore it. That shit can make you smell like an angel even after you've spent a week nodding off and forgetting to shower. Close second is the hamentashen smell that wafts down the block from Moishe's, the kosher bakery in my neighborhood - butter, sugar and preserves.

MIKE: Dom's gas.

The last time I had heard the word 'congregation' was around 20 years ago in Sunday School at Church. After being ran over by a police woman one day on my way home I found myself in hospital with stigmatic style wounds. My Grandmother said that it was Jesus testing me. I never went back to church after that. Have you lost your faith? If 'Yes' at what particular moment?

MIKE: Yes. I forget when, but I think it had something to do with angel dust.

DOM: Yes. I think I was in some early adolescent year (as I'm sure is per-usual in these apostate tales). There was no critical moment, but more of a flap of time that felt like burlap playing a ditty on the demons in my windpipe. I mean, what do I know? I'm a finite creature who talks to incorrigible packets of cup-o-soups when they don't rip on the first try. With that said, most of the 'revealed' religions with the books and the corny narrative and all that smell of some of rank presumption, fear and mind-fucking vanity, vanity and fear. God made Himself a man... worship man... no, he's not really a man... He's God, but worship man, man sins, but go through me man/God, it's cool. Man interprets, you worship, light a candle, take a picture passed out in a pew or on the salad bar of a temple of some stripe. Loo light in the piss-tight songs of the angels of idiot-proof... don't use it to see... that is to say...

JED: I was raised in a Jewish family but I am not interested in practicing. Once I heard bacon cheeseburgers were off-limits, I was outta there.

You find yourself waking up from a complete crazy night, remembering little. You notice an instruction pamphlet for tatoos sitting on the table and feel a tinge of pain coming from your entire chest area. You know that there's got to be a tattoo there. What would you be hoping it was a tattoo of?

MIKE: Punky Brewster.

JED: Man, I hope it's the cover of Kiss's "Rock and Roll Over".

What would it really be?

MIKE: Brandon the Wonder Dog.

JED: With my luck, the cover of Kiss's "Lick it Up". Now you know why I don't drink.

With so many of you in the band, do you have a dictator or a democratic voting system to make decisions?

JED: I'm the de facto "musical director". From the TCOV collective, our goal is to assemble the group that can communicate a song in the most powerful way, yet still enable each individual performer do what comes naturally to him or her. We've all been in bands together for years, so that's easy - the guys trust me to cast them in the best light, and I trust them to be themselves.

MIKE: Screw that bullshit. We answer only to Jesus Fucking Christ.

Weird & Freaky Question:

You are pleasuring yourself over some filthy porn on some very filthy porn channel, as you are just about to cum a family member opens the door to enter the room. You have one of two choices. Either dive for the remote and change the channel leaving your erupted cock poking from your zipper, spewing sperm all over your pants, or quickly throw the little beggar into your trousers and have him seep his juice inside your pants, quickly tucking the toilet roll in your pocket, leaving yourself sitting with an obvious 'tent pole' infront of the porn. Your Choice?

JED: Porn does nothing for me. I like the ladies - not pictures of the ladies!

DOM: I show cock on that one. Fuck it. The pants won't take a hit. You mentioned TP in this scenario. The cum is caught; the Mao Se Donger has a little white bonnet. My first impulse is to shut the shop on the filth. Porn noises and images might sting more in future than a glance at the exposed tumescent member.

MIKE: Neither. I would stand proudly, waving my engorged member back and forth spraying whoever was so foolish as to disturb my viewing of "Choco-Trannies" with man-goo.


TCOV Myspace
Jed Davis/TCOV Wiki
Honesty Vs. Politics - Jed Davis' Blog

NME - The New Sun

I just bought my first NME in around 3 years and I have to say... It could have been the same copy. What is it with these stupid publications? Having read the Thom Yorke interview the 'Artic Monkeys' were referred to 3 times?! What has the Artic Monkeys got to do with Radiohead? Then there's a feature on Jarvis Cocker... What is the feature called? You guessed it, 'Monkey's Uncle', or how about the article that features bands like the Artic Monkeys called "Children of the Monkeys'...(sigh).

What is it with the dumbing down of press? We're intelligent people, I think we can handle a little more than one reference point. Or is that all you've got? The problem with NME is that it fails to criticize. It simply exists as a promotional leaflet for supposed 'low key, up and coming' acts. I have never read an NME find that I hadn't read on a music blog six months previously. They're outdated, they're lacking originality and no-one in the place has a good ear between them.

NME is the new 'Sun', Kerrang is the new NME. Prestigious publications such as Ray Gun and Melody Maker don't exist anymore due to stupid people buying stupid magazines featuring other stupid people. Resist from buying these magazines. Visit Borders bookshop and buy the newest issue of 'Little White Lies', 'Marmalade' or some freaky one off fan mag. Leave the NME for the cretins and the tits it was intended for. May it be another 3 years until my next one, hopefully I'll be dead before then.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

You Tube Hearts Nornna

There is a huge commotion going on over in You Tube at the minute. I can't say I know all the ins and outs, or even understand everyone's attraction, but after viewing one video blog I had to browse them all. Nornna is a weird little girl, airing her life, warts and all, via short video blogs posted onto You Tube. Stepping onto the unpersonal platform that is the internet, Nornna lets you delve into a piece of real life. No hoaxes or anonymity, no vague handles or meaningless usernames, Nornna shows you how it is for Nornna. Discover Nornna for yourself -

Nornna tells her viewers (50,000 of them) how popular she is:

Nornna giving it up, showing Nelly how it's done with her Homie Eeyore:

Nornna often films herself doing the most mundane things, such as eating, getting ready for bed, powdering her feet, plucking hairs from her chin or missing her bus:

Nornna invited You Tube viewers to blog themselves watching her. There are hundreds, if not thousands of entries or people watching other people watching Nornna watching Chicken Little? Anyway, the video below by 'james98105' shows the perfect response to watching Nornna:


Nornna's You Tube Home Page
Nornna Watching
Watching Nornna Watchers
Add to Nornna's Wiki Entry

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Cue & Ehh? With Jeffrey Brown

Those who have read Jeffrey Brown, keep on reading Jeffrey Brown. Like a peak into someone's private diary, Jeff's books are addictive, sincere and best to read while in hiding. Mostly autobiographical, with clever, slow, observant story telling, they deliver tales of misunderstood relationships and tell of the complexities of living. Like some strange ‘literary chick flick for guys’ you can’t help become involved and emotional… But Hey! - That sounds as wussy as hell. He’s also incredibly funny, tells a great manly superhero story and could beat the crap out of that doll made in his image if he wanted to, he just doesn’t want to…

I've been sourcing questions for you that absolutely no one has asked, but it seems that you've been asked every question that there is?! All that's left is 'Have you ever had crabs?' he he... Do you find it weird that some people are taking a great interest in you over your work?

I just had the one crab, Blueberry, the hermit crab. He died a couple years ago, though, and I haven't had crabs since. It is weird how interested people are in my personal life, but then, I've brought that on myself, and for the most part, people are respectful and nice, like friends or acquaintances, so it's not so bad. I'm more private these days. One thing that I think is really weird is how often reviews will review me as a person, rather than the book as a work, or even the 'me' as a 'character'. I take that as a sign the books are successful.

Just heard that they're planning to make a film of Burns' 'Black Hole'. Apparently Neil Gaiman is writing the screenplay. It's not a successful comic anymore until there's a motion picture in the works. Would you object to 'Clumsy' the film? If not, who would you have as the starring roles?

There was someone who wanted to do a 'Clumsy' film, and that fell through, and now I don't want any of my comics made into film, except maybe Bighead. So I guess my comics will never be successful? Shit. Okay, how about Joaqin Phoenix as me, and Julia Roberts as Theresa? Box-office gold.

I've just discovered that not only can you use the Internet for masturbation and buying stuff (to aid masturbation), you can also use it to contact artists and musicians that you admire and connect with them on a personal level. A far cry from the unopened mail, fan clubs and promo postcards of the eighties and nineties. What do you think your biggest gain from theInternet has been?

Being able to check sports scores. I don't have cable, and without the Internet, I'd have to wait until the next day's newspaper to see the scores. And even then, if it was a late game, the newspaper doesn't show the score, they just put 'late game' with an asterix. The Internet not only lets me see the scores as they change, but also player stats and team comparison reports.

Sticking with the net, some of my regular haunts are AckAckAck, Google Maps and Scar Stuff. Do you have any favourite websites that you visit too often?

The Holy Consumption

My friend Kirsteen made me a doll of the parasitic twin that was found inside his kid brother for my birthday. He was a mass of mangled flesh, hair and teeth. He looked to me like a badger, so earned the name 'Badger Boy'. What's the weirdest thing you have at home?

Someone made a weird doll of me once, so that's probably it. You can take its heart out. It's a little creepy. At night I get out of bed and throw it into the closet, and yell 'Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!' and then sit there with the covers on, sobbing to myself.

I have your collection of publications packed together with 'Maus', 'Rehabilitating Mr Wiggles', 'I never liked you' and 'Amy & Jordan', right below my complete collection of 'Cerebus'. What books do you like to show off on your shelves?

I've got a Chris Ware/Dan Clowes shelf, and below that is Chester Brown/Julie Doucet/Adrian Tomine/Paul Hornschemeier/Anders Nilsen/Gary Panter/Ron Rege and some other stuff. I've also got three shelves of disorganized mini-comics.

For a few months now my favourite track of the moment has been Junip's 'Black Refuge’. What track are you currently 'wearing thin'?

Broken Social Scene's 'It's All Gonna Break', although it hasn't worn thin yet.

Speaking of ‘wearing thin’, my favourite pair of Pash flair jeans are on their last legs (pun intended). I refuse to lose hope in them though, until I’m arrested for indecent exposure. What’s your most cherished piece of clothing?

Right now it's this long sleeved brown collared shirt. It's real comfy.

All this monitor staring is blinding me. I think I'll be on my third raised glasses prescription in under a year and a half. I was thinking of what I would like to see as the last thing I had ever saw before I went blind. Any suggestions? What would yours be?

Probably the face of my child, and its mother.

We all know that Morrissey sang ‘We hate it when our friends are successful’. I actually despise it even when it’s someone I vaguely know. I wish the worst on them, from cancer to accidental death. My most recent ‘no reason for’ Arch Enemy is Oliver Jeffers. A damn nice bloke I used to work with in a bookshop. He has become a successful children’s author/illustrator, but yet I hate him for his success, and his rich parents... Do you have any similar ‘no reason for’ Arch enemies? If not, do you have any emotional frustrations that are mostly unwarranted or pointless?

Not right now, I don't think. All my archenemies are in that position for very good reasons.

I quit my job working for a large franchised music store. I am now three months unemployed and on a slippery slope into the big nothing. I read somewhere that you were in a similar situation. (Not the big nothing, the store... Ha ha. It's 'Cue & Ehh?' not 'Abuse & Spay'...he he). Are you still working or has the drawing finally paid off?

I still work a few days a week, so that I have health insurance. It's okay sometimes - I like working Tuesdays when the new CD/DVD releases go on sale - but other times it feels like such a huge waste of time, especially when you see some of the other people who are doing the same job, and you're wondering how they even got hired, yet you're on the same level as them...

I am currently working on a way to be happy and fruitful... Oh... and a music video where I blow my own head off at the beginning with a water pistol. What are you currently working on?

A book about my cat, a 300-page collection of autobiographical short stories, parodies of Transformers, Over The Top and Ultimate Fighting Championship, a cartoon pitch, and some anthology contributions. The usual stuff.

Weird and Freaky Question:

While stepping from the shower you feel a twinge from between your legs. First a tingle at the front, then quite considerable pain around your ass. Looking down you can see that everything is not right down there. Upon closer inspection you realise that you have accidentally used superglue to shampoo your crotch and you have now super glued your penis to your ass.

Further prodding with the aid of a mirror shows that the head of the little chappy has been perfectly super glued over the star of your ass and all the tugging in the world seems to be doing less than George Bush did with Katrina.

The question is this... What do you do next?

The Twist: All this examining has brought on the urge for a pee and a poo.

I get dressed, and go to the hospital. I can hold it in pretty good, so I'm not too worried about that part. Then I write a best-selling mini-comic about the experience, with a subplot of how I'm heartbroken about the girl I was dating at the time.

Falling Further:

Brown's Consumption
Silver Bullet's Badly Punctuated Interview
Brian Palmer (Bloody 'always gettin' in there first' Git) Interview
Samurai Comics Interview
So Hot Right Now Interview
Rise & Shine Interview